Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
When is enough, enough?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 276996" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>What your step son did with his finger (and possibly more that you don't even know about) is not something to forgive in my opinion. As long as he is living with your daughter he is a threat to her, therapy or not. His therapy should be out of the home. I forgave the child who abused my kids (for my own sake) once he was gone, but I refused to continue putting the other kids at risk. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, sometimes people minimize sexual abuse for a few reasons: 1/They love the child and don't want to think he may have done even more abuse and/or it is to hard to contemplate that a child is a sexual predator. 2/They don't believe it was more than once or that he is truly a constant threat not only to kids in the house but to kids OUT of the house. I see people here minimizing sexual abuse all the time, and for reasons I understand. If I hadn't lived through it and seen the fallout, I'd probably think "Give the poor boy another chance too. After all, HE was abused."</p><p></p><p>But at what point do we feel sorry for the abuser, even if he is sick, and protect the victim(s)? If he abused against his sister, he is capable of offending in the neighborhood too, and then you're all going to be in trouble. The child that we adopted, definitely found vulnerable kids and tried to offend on them--one was a child with cognitive deficits and severe epilepsy who was physically challenged. Fortunately, we found out what he was doing before he could be alone with this child. We also found out, AFTEr he left, that he had killed our dog (we thought it was a seedy neighbor) and also had killed a cat who had suddenly disappeared and my daughter told us she'd seen him choking a neighbor's cat, but he dropped the cat when he saw that she had seen it. She never told us because he would pull out that trusty knife and put it to her neck. Trust me, we had never dreamed this could happen to us. And until he left the kids were too afraid of him to spill the entire can of beans. And, even in therapy, it took a long time for all of it to come out. I'm speaking of very personal things, with shaking hands, just so that you realize what a sexual predator could do and why I feel this boy either needs to be out of the house or you need to take your kids out of the house. He isn't safe and, as close as you are to your kids, they may be too afraid to tell you while he is in the home. It's always hard for me to write about this, but I like parents to know how bad it can get and right under your nose. This kid had such a hold over the kids that we never guessed. He actually blew it himself when he got too bold and killed out dog and the cop felt it was him (which shocked us at first--we couldn't imagine such a gentle soul killing an animal. He LOVED our dog). He was a master actor. These types of budding psychopaths are very good actors. They can cry and say "I didn't do it" in a heartbreaking way that makes you feel guilty for even suggesting it. I have never once second guessed our decision to send him packing. In therapy, he expressed no remorse and no insight to himself. He didn't remember being sexually abused himself, although obviosly he was and had no idea why he did the things he did. But he admitted he had been offending since he was five years old. And none of his foster parents had suspected, including the one before us, who had had him for five years. She had run a daycare and he "liked to help with the kids." I can only imagine. She is in denial that maybe he touched those kids, but that's her issue, not ours.</p><p>Something obviously happened to stepson, but in my opinion your kids are t he ones who need protection. If you don't send him out of the house or take them, they will, at some point in time, blame you for not protecting them. And in my opinion they will be right. Your children should not have to have nightmares about this child. They should feel safe in their own home. They should feel that stepfather is on their side of making them safe. husband can love his son, but he has to snap out of denial and get this boy out of the house. Even if he seems to have improved, his attitude hasn't--he isn't sorry. He doesn't realize what he did. in my opinion the only solution is to make sure your girls are not living with him, no matter how you have to do it.</p><p>husband seems totally in denial if he is even thinking about taking a job that puts you alone with this child. Personally, if it were me, I'd be gone until he put stepson in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). And kept him there. There are no guarantees with this boy and the focus in my opinion should be on helping him OUT OF HOME while protecting YOUR kids. </p><p>I'm shocked CPS didn't remove him, but next time they probably will. But maybe at that time he will have done even more damage. Please think of your kids.</p><p>JMO, having lived through this horror. Please don't minimize what he did, nor believe you know the whole story. You may, and you may not. He sounds like a dangerous child. Sadly, some children ARE dangerous.</p><p>I wish you all the luck in the world with your difficult choices. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 276996, member: 1550"] What your step son did with his finger (and possibly more that you don't even know about) is not something to forgive in my opinion. As long as he is living with your daughter he is a threat to her, therapy or not. His therapy should be out of the home. I forgave the child who abused my kids (for my own sake) once he was gone, but I refused to continue putting the other kids at risk. Sadly, sometimes people minimize sexual abuse for a few reasons: 1/They love the child and don't want to think he may have done even more abuse and/or it is to hard to contemplate that a child is a sexual predator. 2/They don't believe it was more than once or that he is truly a constant threat not only to kids in the house but to kids OUT of the house. I see people here minimizing sexual abuse all the time, and for reasons I understand. If I hadn't lived through it and seen the fallout, I'd probably think "Give the poor boy another chance too. After all, HE was abused." But at what point do we feel sorry for the abuser, even if he is sick, and protect the victim(s)? If he abused against his sister, he is capable of offending in the neighborhood too, and then you're all going to be in trouble. The child that we adopted, definitely found vulnerable kids and tried to offend on them--one was a child with cognitive deficits and severe epilepsy who was physically challenged. Fortunately, we found out what he was doing before he could be alone with this child. We also found out, AFTEr he left, that he had killed our dog (we thought it was a seedy neighbor) and also had killed a cat who had suddenly disappeared and my daughter told us she'd seen him choking a neighbor's cat, but he dropped the cat when he saw that she had seen it. She never told us because he would pull out that trusty knife and put it to her neck. Trust me, we had never dreamed this could happen to us. And until he left the kids were too afraid of him to spill the entire can of beans. And, even in therapy, it took a long time for all of it to come out. I'm speaking of very personal things, with shaking hands, just so that you realize what a sexual predator could do and why I feel this boy either needs to be out of the house or you need to take your kids out of the house. He isn't safe and, as close as you are to your kids, they may be too afraid to tell you while he is in the home. It's always hard for me to write about this, but I like parents to know how bad it can get and right under your nose. This kid had such a hold over the kids that we never guessed. He actually blew it himself when he got too bold and killed out dog and the cop felt it was him (which shocked us at first--we couldn't imagine such a gentle soul killing an animal. He LOVED our dog). He was a master actor. These types of budding psychopaths are very good actors. They can cry and say "I didn't do it" in a heartbreaking way that makes you feel guilty for even suggesting it. I have never once second guessed our decision to send him packing. In therapy, he expressed no remorse and no insight to himself. He didn't remember being sexually abused himself, although obviosly he was and had no idea why he did the things he did. But he admitted he had been offending since he was five years old. And none of his foster parents had suspected, including the one before us, who had had him for five years. She had run a daycare and he "liked to help with the kids." I can only imagine. She is in denial that maybe he touched those kids, but that's her issue, not ours. Something obviously happened to stepson, but in my opinion your kids are t he ones who need protection. If you don't send him out of the house or take them, they will, at some point in time, blame you for not protecting them. And in my opinion they will be right. Your children should not have to have nightmares about this child. They should feel safe in their own home. They should feel that stepfather is on their side of making them safe. husband can love his son, but he has to snap out of denial and get this boy out of the house. Even if he seems to have improved, his attitude hasn't--he isn't sorry. He doesn't realize what he did. in my opinion the only solution is to make sure your girls are not living with him, no matter how you have to do it. husband seems totally in denial if he is even thinking about taking a job that puts you alone with this child. Personally, if it were me, I'd be gone until he put stepson in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). And kept him there. There are no guarantees with this boy and the focus in my opinion should be on helping him OUT OF HOME while protecting YOUR kids. I'm shocked CPS didn't remove him, but next time they probably will. But maybe at that time he will have done even more damage. Please think of your kids. JMO, having lived through this horror. Please don't minimize what he did, nor believe you know the whole story. You may, and you may not. He sounds like a dangerous child. Sadly, some children ARE dangerous. I wish you all the luck in the world with your difficult choices. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
When is enough, enough?
Top