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General Parenting
When is enough, enough?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 277231" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Recovering doormat, you said "as far as difficult child going with dad, how is he going to supervise a young teen when he's working? "</p><p></p><p>That was my suggestion and not burndoubt's, and somewhat tongue in cheek. Sorry if that wasn't clear. </p><p></p><p>The point I was trying to make - of course it would be impractical for husband to supervise his son while he's working away. But it is just as impractical for husband to expect Burndoubt to successully supervise/manage the boy and keep her girls safe. I feel it is irresponsible and just plain wrong, for husband to even suggest it. However, I beleive the poor man is feeling desperate; plus he seems to have raised denial to an art form. Perhaps that is a product of what has already happened, thsort of abuse can happen to anybody, in any family. But it can only CONTINUE, when denial means no intervention and therefore thew opportunity exists for the abuse to continue.</p><p></p><p>Even if he is not offending any more, the fact that he has the opportunity to do so is sending a very bad message to the girls - it says, "No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you tell someone, the abuse cannot be stopped and you don't deserve any protection."</p><p></p><p>This sets them up for learning to remain in abusive relationships later in life.</p><p></p><p>Not good.</p><p></p><p>Burndoubt, can you get your husband to lurk here or post here? I do feel sorry for him (and you and your girls, of course!) because your husband and your difficult child are victims in this too. But the support must first go to the latest victim(s) in the picture and then work back from there. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 277231, member: 1991"] Recovering doormat, you said "as far as difficult child going with dad, how is he going to supervise a young teen when he's working? " That was my suggestion and not burndoubt's, and somewhat tongue in cheek. Sorry if that wasn't clear. The point I was trying to make - of course it would be impractical for husband to supervise his son while he's working away. But it is just as impractical for husband to expect Burndoubt to successully supervise/manage the boy and keep her girls safe. I feel it is irresponsible and just plain wrong, for husband to even suggest it. However, I beleive the poor man is feeling desperate; plus he seems to have raised denial to an art form. Perhaps that is a product of what has already happened, thsort of abuse can happen to anybody, in any family. But it can only CONTINUE, when denial means no intervention and therefore thew opportunity exists for the abuse to continue. Even if he is not offending any more, the fact that he has the opportunity to do so is sending a very bad message to the girls - it says, "No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you tell someone, the abuse cannot be stopped and you don't deserve any protection." This sets them up for learning to remain in abusive relationships later in life. Not good. Burndoubt, can you get your husband to lurk here or post here? I do feel sorry for him (and you and your girls, of course!) because your husband and your difficult child are victims in this too. But the support must first go to the latest victim(s) in the picture and then work back from there. Marg [/QUOTE]
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