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Parent Emeritus
When is it time to give up?
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 92101" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>I can hear the pain in your posting.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, it isn't up to us. The only thing we can do then is to behave in the best, most positive way we know. It is never wrong to love someone, never wrong to tell them so.</p><p></p><p>The thing that needs to change is your expectation that your son will respond.</p><p></p><p>Can you teach yourself that what he chooses is not in your control?</p><p></p><p>You are his mother.</p><p></p><p>You can love him, wish him well, mourn the time you no longer have with him, and celebrate the time you did have.</p><p></p><p>Those are all things no one can take away from you.</p><p></p><p>It is not an easy thing, to lose a child.</p><p></p><p>For those who have lost our children in these ways, there is no socially acceptable way to validate or grieve that loss.</p><p></p><p>Knowing your child is doing well financially doesn't make it any easier to survive that emptiness that fills the place where his face and his scent and his sense of humor used to be.</p><p></p><p>Be gentle with yourself.</p><p></p><p>You are grieving.</p><p></p><p>Continue to love him, continue to do those things you feel are appropriate.</p><p></p><p>He cannot change or take that away from you.</p><p></p><p>Parents just don't get to choose whether we will love a child or not, or whether we will miss him.</p><p></p><p>But we have to be wise enough to incorporate that loss, that grief, and go on.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting about it.</p><p></p><p>Posting always helps me so much.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad the site exists, so grateful for everyone here.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 92101, member: 3353"] I can hear the pain in your posting. Sometimes, it isn't up to us. The only thing we can do then is to behave in the best, most positive way we know. It is never wrong to love someone, never wrong to tell them so. The thing that needs to change is your expectation that your son will respond. Can you teach yourself that what he chooses is not in your control? You are his mother. You can love him, wish him well, mourn the time you no longer have with him, and celebrate the time you did have. Those are all things no one can take away from you. It is not an easy thing, to lose a child. For those who have lost our children in these ways, there is no socially acceptable way to validate or grieve that loss. Knowing your child is doing well financially doesn't make it any easier to survive that emptiness that fills the place where his face and his scent and his sense of humor used to be. Be gentle with yourself. You are grieving. Continue to love him, continue to do those things you feel are appropriate. He cannot change or take that away from you. Parents just don't get to choose whether we will love a child or not, or whether we will miss him. But we have to be wise enough to incorporate that loss, that grief, and go on. Keep posting about it. Posting always helps me so much. I am so glad the site exists, so grateful for everyone here. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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When is it time to give up?
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