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Parent Emeritus
When is it time to give up?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 92127" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks all. I think I'll stick to birthday and Christmas cards.</p><p>I have no idea when his wife's birthday is, but she's probably not the one to reach out to. She wants him clearly to herself and her own family. And I don't think she feels we count as family and I don't think he thinks so either. Maybe he met his birthmother in Hong Kong. We had her address. If he did, it would be odd because I know she is an atheist. I used to send her letters and tell her she was in my prayers and she said, "THank you for your prayers, however we don't believe in God." Maybe her blood relation to him makes up for that, but I'm not convinced that he met her. She seemed like a smart, together woman if he did, but all this is guesswork. </p><p>All this had made me sorry I adopted an older child. Maybe with some it works, but, after so many wonderful memories of this now young adult, he clearly is not attached to us that way. Our birthchild and the kids we adopted two and under are bonded to us, but he has always had trouble with the concept of Mom and Dad. Maybe he feels more comfortable with a family of his own origin, even though he only met them two years ago.</p><p>Since I"m still upset, I welcome any other words of wisdom. The angry part of me wants to never contact him again, but that's so selfish and maybe, without my knowing it, even if he rejects us, he doesn't want or can't handle being rejected in return. He is very intelligent (IQ 150) and very well off so no gift will do any good (plus I think his religion frowns on gifts). All I can do is still tell him I'm his mother in my heart, and cry sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 92127, member: 1550"] Thanks all. I think I'll stick to birthday and Christmas cards. I have no idea when his wife's birthday is, but she's probably not the one to reach out to. She wants him clearly to herself and her own family. And I don't think she feels we count as family and I don't think he thinks so either. Maybe he met his birthmother in Hong Kong. We had her address. If he did, it would be odd because I know she is an atheist. I used to send her letters and tell her she was in my prayers and she said, "THank you for your prayers, however we don't believe in God." Maybe her blood relation to him makes up for that, but I'm not convinced that he met her. She seemed like a smart, together woman if he did, but all this is guesswork. All this had made me sorry I adopted an older child. Maybe with some it works, but, after so many wonderful memories of this now young adult, he clearly is not attached to us that way. Our birthchild and the kids we adopted two and under are bonded to us, but he has always had trouble with the concept of Mom and Dad. Maybe he feels more comfortable with a family of his own origin, even though he only met them two years ago. Since I"m still upset, I welcome any other words of wisdom. The angry part of me wants to never contact him again, but that's so selfish and maybe, without my knowing it, even if he rejects us, he doesn't want or can't handle being rejected in return. He is very intelligent (IQ 150) and very well off so no gift will do any good (plus I think his religion frowns on gifts). All I can do is still tell him I'm his mother in my heart, and cry sometimes. [/QUOTE]
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When is it time to give up?
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