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When is it time to give up?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 92610" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Scott doesn't want us in his holidays. He did not join us at all last year and this Easter he hosted a family who HAD no family rather than seeing us. It obviously didn't occur to him that he could have brought them too. But, of course, it did occur to him, and he just didn't want to see us. He does see K's family all the time, and I don't think he misses us at all. He is their son now. They think he hung the moon. He is a very charming young man with impeccable manners and is unfailingly polite and attentive to older adults. He was like that to us too. That's why his siblings were so shocked and devastated when he read a book called "Boundaries", declared that he used to do nice things because he felt he had to and that he wasn't going to be nice anymore. Apparently, that only applies to us. At his wedding, K's relatives gushed over him. </p><p>I talked to my ex today about Scott. Scott had seen him Sunday (he is the only one he will still see, although it is with great reluctance) and helped his father change the tire of his car. Then he left. Today, my ex e-mailed him and got an automated message that said he would be out of town until Nov. 5th. Ex said to me,"Isn't it a little odd that he's gone out of town and didn't tell me the day before they left?" I told him that Scott no longer considers us his family, and he agreed. Scott had told my ex a long time ago that he and K. are traveling, once more, to Mainland China, and we figure that's where he is--with K's relatives in China (recall, Scott didn't live in China as a kid--he lived in Hong Kong, but this must be close enough for him). He taught himself Mandarin and is very fluent in the language. He is also quite a rich young man and can travel at will and for long periods of time. I'm proud of his accomplishments, and glad I knew him, the way he used to be, but he is clearly no longer a family member. I need to focus on the blessed children who are in my life--my biological son, Mark, who is thirty years old tomorrow (and is making me a grandma), his fantastic wife, my twenty three year old ex-difficult child who is now into health food and working out, her significant other who I love like another son, my precious Lucas who is such a sweet soul and my baby Nicole (the baby is eleven)!!! And, of course, I have my hub and my father is still alive at eighty-three. I wish Scott was part of our family still, but there will be lots of laughter at Thanksgiving and Christmas and in five days I learn if my grandchild will be a boy or a girl, so Grandma can go SHOPPING! Nicole is very excited about being a young aunt.</p><p>My heart will always hurt for Scott, but it's better for me if I let go of this child. He came at six years old, and maybe that was just too late for him to bond with us. I think the dealbreaker was this my father had surgery last week, and he always asks about Scott, and I left a message telling Scott that his Grandpa was ill. My other kids called their Grandpa, but Scott just ignored him. I realized how cold he'd become--how uncaring. My father can't live forever. He's eighty-tree (did I already mention that? I realize I'm ranting). If Scott doesn't care about that, then I have to find the courage to let go. Yes, he'll get Christmas and birthday cards, but that's all. And he won't care or send us any cards, but that's ok too. Thanks again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 92610, member: 1550"] Scott doesn't want us in his holidays. He did not join us at all last year and this Easter he hosted a family who HAD no family rather than seeing us. It obviously didn't occur to him that he could have brought them too. But, of course, it did occur to him, and he just didn't want to see us. He does see K's family all the time, and I don't think he misses us at all. He is their son now. They think he hung the moon. He is a very charming young man with impeccable manners and is unfailingly polite and attentive to older adults. He was like that to us too. That's why his siblings were so shocked and devastated when he read a book called "Boundaries", declared that he used to do nice things because he felt he had to and that he wasn't going to be nice anymore. Apparently, that only applies to us. At his wedding, K's relatives gushed over him. I talked to my ex today about Scott. Scott had seen him Sunday (he is the only one he will still see, although it is with great reluctance) and helped his father change the tire of his car. Then he left. Today, my ex e-mailed him and got an automated message that said he would be out of town until Nov. 5th. Ex said to me,"Isn't it a little odd that he's gone out of town and didn't tell me the day before they left?" I told him that Scott no longer considers us his family, and he agreed. Scott had told my ex a long time ago that he and K. are traveling, once more, to Mainland China, and we figure that's where he is--with K's relatives in China (recall, Scott didn't live in China as a kid--he lived in Hong Kong, but this must be close enough for him). He taught himself Mandarin and is very fluent in the language. He is also quite a rich young man and can travel at will and for long periods of time. I'm proud of his accomplishments, and glad I knew him, the way he used to be, but he is clearly no longer a family member. I need to focus on the blessed children who are in my life--my biological son, Mark, who is thirty years old tomorrow (and is making me a grandma), his fantastic wife, my twenty three year old ex-difficult child who is now into health food and working out, her significant other who I love like another son, my precious Lucas who is such a sweet soul and my baby Nicole (the baby is eleven)!!! And, of course, I have my hub and my father is still alive at eighty-three. I wish Scott was part of our family still, but there will be lots of laughter at Thanksgiving and Christmas and in five days I learn if my grandchild will be a boy or a girl, so Grandma can go SHOPPING! Nicole is very excited about being a young aunt. My heart will always hurt for Scott, but it's better for me if I let go of this child. He came at six years old, and maybe that was just too late for him to bond with us. I think the dealbreaker was this my father had surgery last week, and he always asks about Scott, and I left a message telling Scott that his Grandpa was ill. My other kids called their Grandpa, but Scott just ignored him. I realized how cold he'd become--how uncaring. My father can't live forever. He's eighty-tree (did I already mention that? I realize I'm ranting). If Scott doesn't care about that, then I have to find the courage to let go. Yes, he'll get Christmas and birthday cards, but that's all. And he won't care or send us any cards, but that's ok too. Thanks again. [/QUOTE]
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