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When is it time to give up?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 92679" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, from my experience with adopted adults this sort of "cut you out" is highly unusual. Many adoptees search. I've never met one who cut off the other family, most still call them "my family." That's certainly part of it with Scott though. He lived in Hong Kong for six years. My other grown adopted daughter, who came from Korea, came as an infant and has shown no interest in her culture of origin, and has been dating a caucasian young man for four years. I think those lost years can't be taken back. By the time Scott came, this too-intelligent-too-well-behaved-too-handsome little boy had developed his coping skills in a very precocious way--by charming everybody. He also refused to let me to "Mommy" things like help button his shirt or hug him. He wanted to do everything himself. I told my ex, "One day he'll just move to California and we'll never see him again. It's not like he thinks he's ours." So we adopted our daughter at five months, and what a HUGE difference it is. Ditto for my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son who came at two, and my eleven year old that we watched being born and took home from the hospital. You just can't make up six years. I think, more than anything, those early years are important. Being really bright, my son has said, "My formative years happened before I ever got here." He's right. He was who he is before we got him. When people ask me about adoption, and many do, I tell them, "If you want their heart, adopt as young as you can. If you want to give a home to a needy child, and perhaps get nothing back, adopt an older child." </p><p>I am thinking of becoming a foster mom for drug-affected infants when my youngest leaves home (I'll be 61 when she's 18, haha). I just like having kids and family surrounding me. And I selfishly love the unconditional trust and love one gets from an infant. I think that a loved infant feels it for a lifetime, even if he screws up. I can't do anything about the fact that Scott had no mommy love when he was in the orphanage. Those are six years he can't get back. I hope he finds love and happiness with his wife.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 92679, member: 1550"] Well, from my experience with adopted adults this sort of "cut you out" is highly unusual. Many adoptees search. I've never met one who cut off the other family, most still call them "my family." That's certainly part of it with Scott though. He lived in Hong Kong for six years. My other grown adopted daughter, who came from Korea, came as an infant and has shown no interest in her culture of origin, and has been dating a caucasian young man for four years. I think those lost years can't be taken back. By the time Scott came, this too-intelligent-too-well-behaved-too-handsome little boy had developed his coping skills in a very precocious way--by charming everybody. He also refused to let me to "Mommy" things like help button his shirt or hug him. He wanted to do everything himself. I told my ex, "One day he'll just move to California and we'll never see him again. It's not like he thinks he's ours." So we adopted our daughter at five months, and what a HUGE difference it is. Ditto for my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son who came at two, and my eleven year old that we watched being born and took home from the hospital. You just can't make up six years. I think, more than anything, those early years are important. Being really bright, my son has said, "My formative years happened before I ever got here." He's right. He was who he is before we got him. When people ask me about adoption, and many do, I tell them, "If you want their heart, adopt as young as you can. If you want to give a home to a needy child, and perhaps get nothing back, adopt an older child." I am thinking of becoming a foster mom for drug-affected infants when my youngest leaves home (I'll be 61 when she's 18, haha). I just like having kids and family surrounding me. And I selfishly love the unconditional trust and love one gets from an infant. I think that a loved infant feels it for a lifetime, even if he screws up. I can't do anything about the fact that Scott had no mommy love when he was in the orphanage. Those are six years he can't get back. I hope he finds love and happiness with his wife. [/QUOTE]
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