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Parent Emeritus
When is it time to give up?
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 92837" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I know this is difficult for you. From the outside looking in, it seems like you are the only one involved in this part of this relationship. Life is a marathon, not a relay or sprint. I have a nearly non-existent relationship with my parents. I have my reasons and they have theirs. Last month for the first time in 9 years I sent a note to my mother about something I thought she would be interested in. My mother is 79 years old. We've spoken civilly twice in the last 9 years. We've spoken other than that maybe 5 times. </p><p></p><p>What I can say about <em>my</em> situation is that I am happier without them. They didn't like me and there was nothing I can do to change that. Or at the very least, I wasn't ever going to be the person they thought I should be. I can also tell you that I have nightmares about spinning my wheels with something I think "should" or "could" be. I can't change them. I don't want to be changed. I can't tell you when to give up. I can tell you that no matter what you do you won't get the immediate results you are looking for. Maybe you aren't supposed to give up. Maybe you're just supposed to realize that it will take longer. He's not a little boy whose personality is being molded on a daily basis. He's a grown man who has to come to these things through self-realization. Just as we as parents have to come to the self-realization that my kids make their own decisions and I don't have a lot of influence over them any more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 92837, member: 99"] I know this is difficult for you. From the outside looking in, it seems like you are the only one involved in this part of this relationship. Life is a marathon, not a relay or sprint. I have a nearly non-existent relationship with my parents. I have my reasons and they have theirs. Last month for the first time in 9 years I sent a note to my mother about something I thought she would be interested in. My mother is 79 years old. We've spoken civilly twice in the last 9 years. We've spoken other than that maybe 5 times. What I can say about [i]my[/i] situation is that I am happier without them. They didn't like me and there was nothing I can do to change that. Or at the very least, I wasn't ever going to be the person they thought I should be. I can also tell you that I have nightmares about spinning my wheels with something I think "should" or "could" be. I can't change them. I don't want to be changed. I can't tell you when to give up. I can tell you that no matter what you do you won't get the immediate results you are looking for. Maybe you aren't supposed to give up. Maybe you're just supposed to realize that it will take longer. He's not a little boy whose personality is being molded on a daily basis. He's a grown man who has to come to these things through self-realization. Just as we as parents have to come to the self-realization that my kids make their own decisions and I don't have a lot of influence over them any more. [/QUOTE]
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When is it time to give up?
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