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Parent Emeritus
When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 617641" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. What a brat!</p><p></p><p>Ok, this is just me, but if my child refused to talk to me, and it has happened, the money stops. If you don't want me in your life, then live without me in your life. I can't control you and you can't control me. Paying for his truck? That would have stopped long ago. Regardless of whether he is doing some good things, he is abusing your love and no matter what my therapist told me, the money would stop. Grandpa and Grandma could pay for it. I refuse to pay money to anyone who doesn't have a relationship with me and is going around bad mouthing me. Yes, I used to think my children were more important than I am, but I have learned that our children are no more important than we are and if somebody is going to break my heart, then they can fund their own lives.</p><p></p><p>I never do total detachment. They can always talk to me. I just don't allow abuse or allow myself to become The Bank. That way if they talk to me it's because they want to, not because they are using me. It is not that hard to get money for community college from the state. My daughter is doing it, not because I'm angry at her but because we don't have enough. In fact, I doubt she'll have to pay a dime. If he is not living with you, your income shouldn't count in figuring out if he gets money. </p><p></p><p>Frankly, he had no right to touch you and there is no "but."</p><p></p><p>Of course, this is just my opinion and just what I would do.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. This is so hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 617641, member: 1550"] Hi there. What a brat! Ok, this is just me, but if my child refused to talk to me, and it has happened, the money stops. If you don't want me in your life, then live without me in your life. I can't control you and you can't control me. Paying for his truck? That would have stopped long ago. Regardless of whether he is doing some good things, he is abusing your love and no matter what my therapist told me, the money would stop. Grandpa and Grandma could pay for it. I refuse to pay money to anyone who doesn't have a relationship with me and is going around bad mouthing me. Yes, I used to think my children were more important than I am, but I have learned that our children are no more important than we are and if somebody is going to break my heart, then they can fund their own lives. I never do total detachment. They can always talk to me. I just don't allow abuse or allow myself to become The Bank. That way if they talk to me it's because they want to, not because they are using me. It is not that hard to get money for community college from the state. My daughter is doing it, not because I'm angry at her but because we don't have enough. In fact, I doubt she'll have to pay a dime. If he is not living with you, your income shouldn't count in figuring out if he gets money. Frankly, he had no right to touch you and there is no "but." Of course, this is just my opinion and just what I would do. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. This is so hard. [/QUOTE]
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When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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