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Parent Emeritus
When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="helpangel" data-source="post: 617654" data-attributes="member: 7170"><p>I was raised to be a spoiled brat; everything I needed and 95% of what I wanted handed to me on silver platter didn't have to work for anything. Boundaries I don't think there were any after age 14, mom waited till I was 17yo to try to set any (attempted to ground me) I walked out the door and when I came home that night my makeup, hairdryer, a bag of clothes and my pillow were all in a pile on the front porch (hmmmm key doesn't fit lock any more)</p><p></p><p>I was angry at the time but realize now it was one of the best things my parents ever did for me. I was totally out of control... my dad got lease cars thru his work. I always had a brand new car with insurance that didn't cost me anything parents even gave me gas money (when not working) I remember one time during a temper tantrum I went out and side swiped a Cadillac that was parked on the street just to hear it go CRUNCH! $1200 damage to lease car my big slap on the hands? THEY GAVE ME A BRAND NEW NEW YORKER to drive while MY car was being fixed. </p><p></p><p>I swore that when I had kids even if I were a bazzilionaire who could give kids a car they would be responsible for every penny of their insurance or they wouldn't be driving. My parents paying it I didn't learn responsibility, having new cars that needed no maintenance I never learned how important to check the oil or get it changed once in a while. As an adult not learning these things has cost me 2 blown engines. Babysat $1500 worth bought a used car that my boyfriend wrapped around a tree a week after got it - before I finally started to catch on about responsible car ownership.</p><p></p><p>He is doing better at his grandparents house because they aren't the people he has been walking all over his whole life! He's putting on an act for them to convince them (and himself) what a good son he is and that you are the problem not him. Even if it is just an act to start if he grows up a little in the process who cares how he got there the important thing is he is working toward cutting the umbilical cord.</p><p></p><p>At some point he will get out of school and hopefully get a decent paying job. Trust me on this... first time grandma walks in on him with his girlfriend he's going to want to get his own place.</p><p></p><p>If he has any job I would let him buy his own gas, as a reward for staying in school I would consider paying half of the auto insurance with a few chores so I could feel he did something to earn that money I put out and didn't just "play me for an idiot".</p><p></p><p>When they are babies they rely on us for everything but around 16yo we really do need to start weening them off the parents bankroll or they never have any incentive to go get a bankroll of their own.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion, take what you can use and dump the rest</p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpangel, post: 617654, member: 7170"] I was raised to be a spoiled brat; everything I needed and 95% of what I wanted handed to me on silver platter didn't have to work for anything. Boundaries I don't think there were any after age 14, mom waited till I was 17yo to try to set any (attempted to ground me) I walked out the door and when I came home that night my makeup, hairdryer, a bag of clothes and my pillow were all in a pile on the front porch (hmmmm key doesn't fit lock any more) I was angry at the time but realize now it was one of the best things my parents ever did for me. I was totally out of control... my dad got lease cars thru his work. I always had a brand new car with insurance that didn't cost me anything parents even gave me gas money (when not working) I remember one time during a temper tantrum I went out and side swiped a Cadillac that was parked on the street just to hear it go CRUNCH! $1200 damage to lease car my big slap on the hands? THEY GAVE ME A BRAND NEW NEW YORKER to drive while MY car was being fixed. I swore that when I had kids even if I were a bazzilionaire who could give kids a car they would be responsible for every penny of their insurance or they wouldn't be driving. My parents paying it I didn't learn responsibility, having new cars that needed no maintenance I never learned how important to check the oil or get it changed once in a while. As an adult not learning these things has cost me 2 blown engines. Babysat $1500 worth bought a used car that my boyfriend wrapped around a tree a week after got it - before I finally started to catch on about responsible car ownership. He is doing better at his grandparents house because they aren't the people he has been walking all over his whole life! He's putting on an act for them to convince them (and himself) what a good son he is and that you are the problem not him. Even if it is just an act to start if he grows up a little in the process who cares how he got there the important thing is he is working toward cutting the umbilical cord. At some point he will get out of school and hopefully get a decent paying job. Trust me on this... first time grandma walks in on him with his girlfriend he's going to want to get his own place. If he has any job I would let him buy his own gas, as a reward for staying in school I would consider paying half of the auto insurance with a few chores so I could feel he did something to earn that money I put out and didn't just "play me for an idiot". When they are babies they rely on us for everything but around 16yo we really do need to start weening them off the parents bankroll or they never have any incentive to go get a bankroll of their own. Just my opinion, take what you can use and dump the rest Nancy [/QUOTE]
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When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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