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Parent Emeritus
When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 617680" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The value in confronting someone who is treating you badly is that it validates your own understanding of the situation. Either the person you confront will express surprise and ask for clarification, or they will engage in some kind of defensive action.</p><p></p><p>Their initiating a defensive action is how you will know confronting them was the right thing to do. It is best to be prepared for the defensive action ahead of time.</p><p></p><p>So, that is the primary reason to confront your son, whether in person or through whatever other means of communication you currently have with him ~ even a message on his phone. Though this will give son a heads up? It will, more importantly, help you begin cycling back into healthy behaviors. </p><p></p><p>I know how scary this feels. I couldn't believe it, when I first began changing not only my thinking, but my behaviors. But once my thinking changed? I literally could not make myself do what I'd always done. I could not unsee that I was being mistreated. </p><p></p><p>I think that once you are sure yourself of this new territory, of this new way of thinking and seeing, you will have no problem communicating your decision to your son.</p><p></p><p>I would caution you to maintain your own highest standard of communication when you confront someone who has been mistreating you. You will probably be hearing about what you said for a long time to come, as the defensive person continues to try to blame and assign responsibility for their actions to you.</p><p></p><p>Once you do it, JakesMom? It is going to feel like a whole, new day in your life.</p><p></p><p>You will know when you are ready. That you are even thinking so differently is a sign of returning health.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 617680, member: 17461"] The value in confronting someone who is treating you badly is that it validates your own understanding of the situation. Either the person you confront will express surprise and ask for clarification, or they will engage in some kind of defensive action. Their initiating a defensive action is how you will know confronting them was the right thing to do. It is best to be prepared for the defensive action ahead of time. So, that is the primary reason to confront your son, whether in person or through whatever other means of communication you currently have with him ~ even a message on his phone. Though this will give son a heads up? It will, more importantly, help you begin cycling back into healthy behaviors. I know how scary this feels. I couldn't believe it, when I first began changing not only my thinking, but my behaviors. But once my thinking changed? I literally could not make myself do what I'd always done. I could not unsee that I was being mistreated. I think that once you are sure yourself of this new territory, of this new way of thinking and seeing, you will have no problem communicating your decision to your son. I would caution you to maintain your own highest standard of communication when you confront someone who has been mistreating you. You will probably be hearing about what you said for a long time to come, as the defensive person continues to try to blame and assign responsibility for their actions to you. Once you do it, JakesMom? It is going to feel like a whole, new day in your life. You will know when you are ready. That you are even thinking so differently is a sign of returning health. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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When is total detachment the right thing to do?
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