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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 413873" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Star - The three things that I'm dealing with right now are my job (may lose it due to organizational cuts), a coworker (undermining me negatively at work), and betrayal by a family member (has created a LOT of humiliation and shame for me). My self esteem is in the gutter, and the depression has really set in. I also have anxiety, and I've spent a good deal of my life living with fear and worry (my screen name could as easily be Worry Woman). I pray a lot, and that seems to help. </p><p> </p><p>WW (Wonder Woman) Mostly because it sounds like despite everything you are going through? You are still going strong. (Tax, Tag and title not included, golden lasso and invisible jet optional) </p><p> </p><p>Listen - no one I know; self included enjoys having all your problems attack at once, and certainly given a choice any of us would much rather be around cheerful and happy or uplifting people than sad and dismal drama seeking ones. I kinda like my days no-hassle, uneventful, and peaceful. Doesn't happen too often, but when they do? Oh how I cherish them. Believe me, I've had scads of the non-peaceful ones and have had to work really hard to have the peaceful ones. Sometimes things happen you can't control and other times you just have to sit back and ask yourself 'WHAT is it I can control?' and really be able to do something about? Instead of worrying about everything. That's where I actually took a back seat to my depression and started to work on myself - didn't do it alone - I found a good therapist, but the work was ultimately mine. </p><p> </p><p>See in your case - you have a few things going on you are worrying about causing you stress that you can do NOTHING about. Or can you? Or rather what CAN you do about these things that are causing you worry?? (way better way of thinking about it!) </p><p>For instance - </p><p>I'm in jeopardy of loosing my job. </p><p>1.) I can find out how to create a modern resume with key words that will get me a good job (there really is a science to it now) </p><p>2.) I can start sending out my resume now to temp services to see what's out there in the job market for my skill level. </p><p>3.) I can start brushing up on my skills at a local unemployment office on line via Work Keys</p><p>4.) I can take evening classes at a community college </p><p> </p><p>As far as that nasty underhanded employee? Oh wow (brings back memories of 'the pooper' as I affectionately called him) Who got fired. Months before I did because he paid to have a study done and the man actually was found not to be so nice. (amazing huh?) I couldn't do anything about him. Nothing I did was going to change things - sure he was a jerk. I just started praying FOR him. And let it go at that. The day the boss fired him? I cried. The boss was touched. Had my boss known it was tears of joy? Oy. But you can't do anything about this co worker - so let it go. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the family member? Betrayal and humiliation aren't very nice things to deal with BUT - either what you were betrayed with was something that was TRUE and happened or it was a LIE and did not happen. If it was something that was supposed to be a secret between you and this family member, but is a skeleton now out? Well? You could look at it this way - it's out, it's done, yes it is embarassing - and now it's over. No more secret burden to carry around and hide forever. AND you have the bonus of knowing that you AND everyone else in your family should NEVER EVER trust that particular family member with any secrets EVER EVER again. What a blabber mouth. I mean embarrassment lasts a while - but being a blabbermouth is something that lasts a lifetime - so-----your part in this is over, done, fini! HIS or HER part? Well that is going to stick with her forever. I mean whatever you did is past - what he/she did - is now know forever - (don't tell HER/HIM anything unless you want EVERYONE to know) - See what I mean? So i'd say to that person "You know what? Here I've been beating myself up for months over you blabbing to the entire family because I made a mistake so many years ago when I was XX years old. I was young and foolish, and I've asked forgiveness, and you only have to ask God once for forgiveness, and because he's so forgiving my part is done, and I'm forgiven. And instead of feeling guilty? I feel so free, no more burden. Thank you. But you? Wow - YOU will forever be known as the family blabbermouth - No one is EVER going to tell you a single secret EVER again because it's more than obvious you can't or won't keep your mouth shut even for something as personal as that - so I would be guessing no one would even tell you about a surprise birthday party from here on out. But thanks for helping me." </p><p>Then I'd leave it at that. </p><p> </p><p>And as far as a lifetime of guilt and grief? Honey, honey honey - Get thee to a therapist and PURGE it - You deserve to enjoy the rest of your life - and forgive yourself. NOTHING you ever did, or ever will do - is so awful or so horrible that you can't find a way to figure out how to love yourself somehow, someway - and have the rest of whatever is left of your life - FUN and happy and SMILING and guilt free. I promise you - it's inside of you - waiting to have fun - you just need to get rid of all the junk in your head - and replace it with good times, and smiles and laughter - and joy. No one wants you to be sad, and miserable all the time - and continue to be sad or guilty forever - there are great times waiting for you - and you deserve them - and that invisible plane. </p><p>Mostly you deserve to have that nasty wasty co-worker kicked in the kiester by a board member - but I'm probably so far away - and how to make it looooook like an accident ..........well its anyones guess. (I'd shove Hound Dog into her......lol) </p><p> </p><p>Okay then - SO you need to find a good person to talk to - and there are really cheap if not free ones - and if you are serious about this - we can probably point you in a good direction. GIRL you are so NOT going to be sad forever....oh and anti depressants? Yup - gotem .....for myself? As long as I need em. No shame in that either. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 413873, member: 4964"] Star - The three things that I'm dealing with right now are my job (may lose it due to organizational cuts), a coworker (undermining me negatively at work), and betrayal by a family member (has created a LOT of humiliation and shame for me). My self esteem is in the gutter, and the depression has really set in. I also have anxiety, and I've spent a good deal of my life living with fear and worry (my screen name could as easily be Worry Woman). I pray a lot, and that seems to help. WW (Wonder Woman) Mostly because it sounds like despite everything you are going through? You are still going strong. (Tax, Tag and title not included, golden lasso and invisible jet optional) Listen - no one I know; self included enjoys having all your problems attack at once, and certainly given a choice any of us would much rather be around cheerful and happy or uplifting people than sad and dismal drama seeking ones. I kinda like my days no-hassle, uneventful, and peaceful. Doesn't happen too often, but when they do? Oh how I cherish them. Believe me, I've had scads of the non-peaceful ones and have had to work really hard to have the peaceful ones. Sometimes things happen you can't control and other times you just have to sit back and ask yourself 'WHAT is it I can control?' and really be able to do something about? Instead of worrying about everything. That's where I actually took a back seat to my depression and started to work on myself - didn't do it alone - I found a good therapist, but the work was ultimately mine. See in your case - you have a few things going on you are worrying about causing you stress that you can do NOTHING about. Or can you? Or rather what CAN you do about these things that are causing you worry?? (way better way of thinking about it!) For instance - I'm in jeopardy of loosing my job. 1.) I can find out how to create a modern resume with key words that will get me a good job (there really is a science to it now) 2.) I can start sending out my resume now to temp services to see what's out there in the job market for my skill level. 3.) I can start brushing up on my skills at a local unemployment office on line via Work Keys 4.) I can take evening classes at a community college As far as that nasty underhanded employee? Oh wow (brings back memories of 'the pooper' as I affectionately called him) Who got fired. Months before I did because he paid to have a study done and the man actually was found not to be so nice. (amazing huh?) I couldn't do anything about him. Nothing I did was going to change things - sure he was a jerk. I just started praying FOR him. And let it go at that. The day the boss fired him? I cried. The boss was touched. Had my boss known it was tears of joy? Oy. But you can't do anything about this co worker - so let it go. As far as the family member? Betrayal and humiliation aren't very nice things to deal with BUT - either what you were betrayed with was something that was TRUE and happened or it was a LIE and did not happen. If it was something that was supposed to be a secret between you and this family member, but is a skeleton now out? Well? You could look at it this way - it's out, it's done, yes it is embarassing - and now it's over. No more secret burden to carry around and hide forever. AND you have the bonus of knowing that you AND everyone else in your family should NEVER EVER trust that particular family member with any secrets EVER EVER again. What a blabber mouth. I mean embarrassment lasts a while - but being a blabbermouth is something that lasts a lifetime - so-----your part in this is over, done, fini! HIS or HER part? Well that is going to stick with her forever. I mean whatever you did is past - what he/she did - is now know forever - (don't tell HER/HIM anything unless you want EVERYONE to know) - See what I mean? So i'd say to that person "You know what? Here I've been beating myself up for months over you blabbing to the entire family because I made a mistake so many years ago when I was XX years old. I was young and foolish, and I've asked forgiveness, and you only have to ask God once for forgiveness, and because he's so forgiving my part is done, and I'm forgiven. And instead of feeling guilty? I feel so free, no more burden. Thank you. But you? Wow - YOU will forever be known as the family blabbermouth - No one is EVER going to tell you a single secret EVER again because it's more than obvious you can't or won't keep your mouth shut even for something as personal as that - so I would be guessing no one would even tell you about a surprise birthday party from here on out. But thanks for helping me." Then I'd leave it at that. And as far as a lifetime of guilt and grief? Honey, honey honey - Get thee to a therapist and PURGE it - You deserve to enjoy the rest of your life - and forgive yourself. NOTHING you ever did, or ever will do - is so awful or so horrible that you can't find a way to figure out how to love yourself somehow, someway - and have the rest of whatever is left of your life - FUN and happy and SMILING and guilt free. I promise you - it's inside of you - waiting to have fun - you just need to get rid of all the junk in your head - and replace it with good times, and smiles and laughter - and joy. No one wants you to be sad, and miserable all the time - and continue to be sad or guilty forever - there are great times waiting for you - and you deserve them - and that invisible plane. Mostly you deserve to have that nasty wasty co-worker kicked in the kiester by a board member - but I'm probably so far away - and how to make it looooook like an accident ..........well its anyones guess. (I'd shove Hound Dog into her......lol) Okay then - SO you need to find a good person to talk to - and there are really cheap if not free ones - and if you are serious about this - we can probably point you in a good direction. GIRL you are so NOT going to be sad forever....oh and anti depressants? Yup - gotem .....for myself? As long as I need em. No shame in that either. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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