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Family of Origin
When parents still abuse their adult children:
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 675099" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Think back this past week at our discussion of my response where the the seeds of division were sown. And how I reacted, based upon my role in my family.</p><p></p><p>My reaction was knee-jerk. You are not alone, Cedar.</p><p>I had seen and felt every little thing. But I could not, would not allow myself to put it into a coherent whole. Until you gave me permission and immediate full-blown I disgorged the reality of my perceptions and feelings, which I had not felt entitled to hold.</p><p>We cannot anymore look for a win, in any sense that we would understand. The win is attention. The win is power. The win is winning itself. And winning itself can be hoarding so that nobody else can have anything. Like gorging on all of the food so nobody else can eat.</p><p></p><p>Remember what I posted contrasting Trump and Bush. That one thinks of the win is having more or being bigger or the capacity to shun, humiliate or destroy. And the other thinks of win as constructing or expanding the interests of his group. A win, each of us defines according to our own needs. The win we need to think about is our own.</p><p></p><p>What would it be for me to win? For myself?</p><p>The choice is clear Cedar. You either think it about them or you think it of yourself. Thus far, you have sacrificed yourself, to maintain that illusion that they will behave at a family dinner. With you, the turkey.</p><p>For the longest time I have wanted to celebrate the Jewish Sabbath. I have even wanted to keep kosher. It was the desire to incorporate this sanctity into our lives, the care and devotion.</p><p></p><p>I am not there yet (I just ate a Papusa with Chicharones and Cheese M brought home.) But I would like that beauty and devotion and order in our life. In my own. Really, it is formality. A formality that comes from G-d. Maybe this can be the family dinner that you can realize Cedar? I know that you are not Jewish. But maybe we can find a way to make Sabbath. Awhile ago I told you guys about a wonderful book, by Heschel. Abraham Heschel. <u>The Sabbath</u> is the title. He talks about the meaning of the Sabbath as an ideal apart from conventional life, especially the dominance of Time. He sees the Sabbath as being an island apart from time where G-d is present. I have been meaning to re-read it. It is a beautiful and brilliant book.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps to get to the next step, ritual will help. And understanding that most everybody else, whether they know it and acknowledge it or not, is struggling with something similar. And some have worked it out.</p><p></p><p>Yes. Because it is only about you, Cedar. It always was.</p><p></p><p>Oh wow. How can you get yourself present, first, and later at the center?</p><p></p><p>Cedar, why not look for the book <u>The Sabbath?</u> I will too. I may have it.</p><p></p><p>In a sense this is what I have been getting at with my idea of textiles, of needlework. By making, representing real life, we create it, anew. Our own.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 675099, member: 18958"] Think back this past week at our discussion of my response where the the seeds of division were sown. And how I reacted, based upon my role in my family. My reaction was knee-jerk. You are not alone, Cedar. I had seen and felt every little thing. But I could not, would not allow myself to put it into a coherent whole. Until you gave me permission and immediate full-blown I disgorged the reality of my perceptions and feelings, which I had not felt entitled to hold. We cannot anymore look for a win, in any sense that we would understand. The win is attention. The win is power. The win is winning itself. And winning itself can be hoarding so that nobody else can have anything. Like gorging on all of the food so nobody else can eat. Remember what I posted contrasting Trump and Bush. That one thinks of the win is having more or being bigger or the capacity to shun, humiliate or destroy. And the other thinks of win as constructing or expanding the interests of his group. A win, each of us defines according to our own needs. The win we need to think about is our own. What would it be for me to win? For myself? The choice is clear Cedar. You either think it about them or you think it of yourself. Thus far, you have sacrificed yourself, to maintain that illusion that they will behave at a family dinner. With you, the turkey. For the longest time I have wanted to celebrate the Jewish Sabbath. I have even wanted to keep kosher. It was the desire to incorporate this sanctity into our lives, the care and devotion. I am not there yet (I just ate a Papusa with Chicharones and Cheese M brought home.) But I would like that beauty and devotion and order in our life. In my own. Really, it is formality. A formality that comes from G-d. Maybe this can be the family dinner that you can realize Cedar? I know that you are not Jewish. But maybe we can find a way to make Sabbath. Awhile ago I told you guys about a wonderful book, by Heschel. Abraham Heschel. [U]The Sabbath[/U] is the title. He talks about the meaning of the Sabbath as an ideal apart from conventional life, especially the dominance of Time. He sees the Sabbath as being an island apart from time where G-d is present. I have been meaning to re-read it. It is a beautiful and brilliant book. Perhaps to get to the next step, ritual will help. And understanding that most everybody else, whether they know it and acknowledge it or not, is struggling with something similar. And some have worked it out. Yes. Because it is only about you, Cedar. It always was. Oh wow. How can you get yourself present, first, and later at the center? Cedar, why not look for the book [U]The Sabbath?[/U] I will too. I may have it. In a sense this is what I have been getting at with my idea of textiles, of needlework. By making, representing real life, we create it, anew. Our own. COPA [/QUOTE]
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