When the young easy child's pick up the violence of difficult child's...

[wintak]

what do I do? My 5 y.o. is old enough to "get" that we don't kick, hit, punch etc me. The 3 y.o. doesn't get that yet. After all, that's what he SEES and that's what is done to him (I'm finding out maybe more than I think). So the 3. y.o. gets time out and other consequences when he lashes out. But in his 3 y.o. brain his older brother doesn't get consequences (which is probably true).

Any ideas on what to do? I speak nicely, gently etc to him but nights like tonight when difficult child fought me on almost every word I spoke (or didn't speak) 3 y.o. gets mad at the little things and lashes out, mouths off to me, hits and kicks me. I blew at him tonight. The difference is, he says he's sorry....tonight he said he's REALLY sorry. And we make up and it's over.

But is there anyway to explain or help him understand that what he sees day in and day out is NOT acceptable? I am hearing from him more and more that difficult child kicked or hit him and 5 y.o. has in passing said difficult child hits 3y.o. difficult child of course says 3 y.o. is lying. But sometimes I know he's not. When 3 y.o. is engrossed in a riveting episode of "Rocket Safari" by the Little Einsteins, then comes in the kitchen (ie leaves the show) to tell me difficult child hit him...I'm thinking something DID happen as not much can get 3 y.o. to leave Little Einsteins!

Anyone got any ideas on how to get 3 y.o to mimic 5 y.o instead of difficult child?

 

[Last ♡ Hope]

Yeah no advice, just interested in hearing answers to this as I'm seeing it already in my 18 month old.

difficult child is in the psychiatric hospital right now and things are so blissfully happy and peaceful at home right now, all PCs are just being their easy, breezy, happy selves. But when difficult child is home, and even when we visit him in the psychiatric hospital, my 18 month old emulates his nastiness. UGH!!!! It's like he admires the power behind it. ::bangs head on desk:: HOW DO WE STOP THIS?!?!? Dear Lord I have enough on my hands with only difficult child being wretched!!!! I don't need the baby thinking it's 'cool' to act that way!!!!

 

[wintak]

you mean I'm not alone? COOL! I mean, sorry for you, but great that I'm not dreaming this all up in my head.

 

[keista]

WOW! Sorry to hear it. I'm even more sorry now, since I left a pretty lame post (considering this information) on another thread.

I'm not in the same ocean, let alone the same boat as you on this, but you are not dreaming this in your head. I've read through hundreds of posts, and there are others here who have been in very similar situations.

((((HUGS))))

 

[ready2run]

i tell my younger ones that difficult child's brain does not work the same as ours does and that he does things that he's not supposed to because his brain does not understand being good properly. it seems to work, they understand it and say it sometimes when difficult child is acting out(we are working on getting them to think it without verbalising it) but at least it's some sort of explanation that makes sense to them. difficult child does not like it but that's too bad. sometimes i have to do things he doesn't like because it's what is best for everyone.
i would think twice about letting your difficult child get away with things just because he is disabled. that is not fair and it sets a bad example. at our house if anyone hits it's an automatic time out. for the two small kids, each has their spot on the wall where they will stand quietly with their nose on the wall. difficult child will go into meltdown mode often because of time out and it's not possible to get him to stand quietly at the wall, so he is sent to his room to sit on the bed. he is to sit there until he has been quiet for several minutes. sometimes this takes all night, sometimes he does it right away. he will learn. and well, if he doesn't at least the other kids will be safe for that period of time. i don't think that our kids will ever learn to control themselves if we don't discipline them. we need to find ways that will work and stick to it. i know it is impulsive and not always planned out but they will learn there are consequences and though it won't help on every incidence it will cut down the # of problems. i try to keep my difficult child on a short leash as too much freedom tends to lead to disaster.