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General Parenting
When to advocate and when not to?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 436258" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>I looked at it this way - as the parent, the buck stopped with me. Yes, I wanted thank you to advocate for himself, but let's face it - the kid couldn't advocate his way out of a paper bag. When he wanted my help, I would try to coach him but usually it ended up with me having to do the advocating. That's my job, responsibility, and obligation.</p><p></p><p>An Residential Treatment Center (RTC) *earns* the benefit of the doubt, and I wouldn't hesitate to let therapist know that. Your Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be in the hole in terms of earning it in my book, because they have failed to listed to difficult child's concerns *and* are not facilitating her self-advocacy. Telling her to use "skills" isn't going to cut it. Those skills need to be broken down, point by point, into as many steps as it takes for difficult child to start to get it. </p><p></p><p>I think the tendency is to blow off residents' complaints and concerns. I'd let the therapist know that as soon as you see Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff appropriately addressing difficult child's concerns, you'd be happy to step back. The whole drawing incident? Give me a break - that's bullying and intimidation. difficult child isn't the one who needs to use her skills - the artists are. I do have to admit that the supervisor's statement to difficult child about her essentially inviting this because she's involved in "mean girl" stuff is familiar and not surprising. Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in our experience, was a different kind of moral world. At least equal weight was given to precipitating events as was given to end-result events. I can't say I disagree with them - thank you could provoke peers to the point of full out riot, and then play the victim. *He* was the instigator. It's a very rough, street-wise logical consequence kind of thing. </p><p></p><p>You have to be able to have some confidence that difficult child is safe and well cared for. I wouldn't give advocating for difficult child a second thought, and I'd be really fast in shooting down any Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff member who questioned the amount of advocacy you do - if they were doing their jobs, ensuring her safety (mentally, physically, medically), listening to and validating her concerns, *and* teaching her effective self-advocacy skills, you wouldn't have to do it for her. Period.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 436258, member: 8"] I looked at it this way - as the parent, the buck stopped with me. Yes, I wanted thank you to advocate for himself, but let's face it - the kid couldn't advocate his way out of a paper bag. When he wanted my help, I would try to coach him but usually it ended up with me having to do the advocating. That's my job, responsibility, and obligation. An Residential Treatment Center (RTC) *earns* the benefit of the doubt, and I wouldn't hesitate to let therapist know that. Your Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be in the hole in terms of earning it in my book, because they have failed to listed to difficult child's concerns *and* are not facilitating her self-advocacy. Telling her to use "skills" isn't going to cut it. Those skills need to be broken down, point by point, into as many steps as it takes for difficult child to start to get it. I think the tendency is to blow off residents' complaints and concerns. I'd let the therapist know that as soon as you see Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff appropriately addressing difficult child's concerns, you'd be happy to step back. The whole drawing incident? Give me a break - that's bullying and intimidation. difficult child isn't the one who needs to use her skills - the artists are. I do have to admit that the supervisor's statement to difficult child about her essentially inviting this because she's involved in "mean girl" stuff is familiar and not surprising. Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in our experience, was a different kind of moral world. At least equal weight was given to precipitating events as was given to end-result events. I can't say I disagree with them - thank you could provoke peers to the point of full out riot, and then play the victim. *He* was the instigator. It's a very rough, street-wise logical consequence kind of thing. You have to be able to have some confidence that difficult child is safe and well cared for. I wouldn't give advocating for difficult child a second thought, and I'd be really fast in shooting down any Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff member who questioned the amount of advocacy you do - if they were doing their jobs, ensuring her safety (mentally, physically, medically), listening to and validating her concerns, *and* teaching her effective self-advocacy skills, you wouldn't have to do it for her. Period. [/QUOTE]
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When to advocate and when not to?
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