Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
When to cut the ties
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 652229" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I have a similar dynamic happening. (Oh for heaven's sake, not with my kids. We are still battling out how to do this. Mostly, our son hates us openly and loves us in secret, and our daughter loves us openly and sort of hates us underneath. There are currents and undertows and all kinds of weirdnesses, but I love them enough to (and I suppose they must love me enough, too) to keep sort of touching base every so often and enjoying that we do. I am mostly horrified at them on the outside and so pleased and proud of and for them underneath. So like I said, our family is just this living mess and there seems to be nothing to be done about that.</p><p></p><p>So, that is good.</p><p></p><p>Good enough.</p><p></p><p>With my mother and sister. The longer I am given time to see what I see, there in my sister's words or my mother's eyes, I am finding myself absolutely shocked at the depth and twisted intensity of the way they hate me.</p><p></p><p>They hate me.</p><p></p><p>And I never knew!</p><p></p><p>Now that I have the support of this site, I am seeing my responsibility to those relationships very differently, indeed.</p><p></p><p>Over time, now that I do not feel responsible for their loneliness or for the inappropriate things they do to one another or for the way they talk and think about one another behind everyone's back ~ man, I cannot believe the toxicity in every aspect of it. Even the good times were set ups for what was coming next. It is like they never stop planning, thinking, scheming. </p><p></p><p>It is like a bucket of snakes.</p><p></p><p>Once I could see it, it was that obvious. But before I could see it, I could only see myself as someone whose role was to smile through it, to make it all look right, to be okay for myself and for everyone else no matter how blatantly wrong every thing was, every single day.</p><p></p><p>Now, I wish I had kicked them in the pants, instead.</p><p></p><p>This is new.</p><p></p><p>I don't usually stand in one place of judgment steadily enough that I envision blasting through family of origin members to get them out of my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>But I am now.</p><p></p><p>Stay close to the site, as our Seeking Strength posts to us, and you will come through this. There are so many of us here now that almost anything we need help clarifying can be asked and someone will have been through it. The site is safe and anonymous. I have been sifting through family of origin issues here for so long a time, and have been helped and encouraged and cherished until I can, finally, begin to see for myself.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p>Admitting that we are not content with things as they are is a huge beginning.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/choir.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":choir:" title="choir :choir:" data-shortname=":choir:" /></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wine:" title="wine :wine:" data-shortname=":wine:" /></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/9-07bravo.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":bravo:" title="bravo :bravo:" data-shortname=":bravo:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 652229, member: 17461"] I have a similar dynamic happening. (Oh for heaven's sake, not with my kids. We are still battling out how to do this. Mostly, our son hates us openly and loves us in secret, and our daughter loves us openly and sort of hates us underneath. There are currents and undertows and all kinds of weirdnesses, but I love them enough to (and I suppose they must love me enough, too) to keep sort of touching base every so often and enjoying that we do. I am mostly horrified at them on the outside and so pleased and proud of and for them underneath. So like I said, our family is just this living mess and there seems to be nothing to be done about that. So, that is good. Good enough. With my mother and sister. The longer I am given time to see what I see, there in my sister's words or my mother's eyes, I am finding myself absolutely shocked at the depth and twisted intensity of the way they hate me. They hate me. And I never knew! Now that I have the support of this site, I am seeing my responsibility to those relationships very differently, indeed. Over time, now that I do not feel responsible for their loneliness or for the inappropriate things they do to one another or for the way they talk and think about one another behind everyone's back ~ man, I cannot believe the toxicity in every aspect of it. Even the good times were set ups for what was coming next. It is like they never stop planning, thinking, scheming. It is like a bucket of snakes. Once I could see it, it was that obvious. But before I could see it, I could only see myself as someone whose role was to smile through it, to make it all look right, to be okay for myself and for everyone else no matter how blatantly wrong every thing was, every single day. Now, I wish I had kicked them in the pants, instead. This is new. I don't usually stand in one place of judgment steadily enough that I envision blasting through family of origin members to get them out of my thoughts. But I am now. Stay close to the site, as our Seeking Strength posts to us, and you will come through this. There are so many of us here now that almost anything we need help clarifying can be asked and someone will have been through it. The site is safe and anonymous. I have been sifting through family of origin issues here for so long a time, and have been helped and encouraged and cherished until I can, finally, begin to see for myself. I am glad you are here with us. Admitting that we are not content with things as they are is a huge beginning. :O) Cedar :hugs: :choir: :wine: :bravo: [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
When to cut the ties
Top