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When to cut the ties
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 652366" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Most people don't think about it, but because I was personally affected by my family's crappi DNA, I did think about it. And I wish we'd give a thought to who we are breeding with as well, although who does? Nobody thinks, "This guy is not very stable so it's best not to have a bio. kid with him." We're too young when we have our kids. We think we'll be such good parents and that will override everything.</p><p></p><p>Billy, when I was pregnant the hormone changes, which affect me profoundly, threw me into a deep depression and I spent ten weeks in a psychiatric hospital of my choosing. Back then you could choose your place to get help and stay until you were better and insurance covered it. Yes, very vintage!!!! While I was in there, without medications for a long time due to my pregnancy, I was given a lot of university psychiatric books to read and I gobbled them up (it was a university hospital, which I think are the best ones). I learned a lot. They had not even touched the genetic aspect of personality problems yet, but they had touched upon mood disorders and heredity...so I felt my baby was doomed. I did not realize my parents and sister did not just get depressed, although not as badly as I did, but that t hey genuinely were not very empathetic or nice. But I just had a strong feeling that your personality problems are also inherited. I don't know why.</p><p></p><p>Bart is very open about how he was conceived. My husband was sterile and had a very serious metabolic disorder that has almost killed him many times. It is 50% hereditary and his father had it. We did not know any of this at the time, but we did know he was sterile so we chose to have a Sperm Donor. Bart does not know the other side of his DNA and will never know it. Fortunately, he has no interest. Even if you even bring it up, he cuts you off with "Dad is my dad. Not interested. Next subject." He is so much like my family in both good (very intelligent and creative) and bad (can be cold, very anxiety prone) ways. I don't see the degree of selfishness in him that is apparent in Mom, Dad and Sissy. Thank God!!!! But I simply did not want to take another chance, even before I knew what he'd be like. I told my husband many times while in the hospital, "I want more kids...a big family...but is it ok if we just adopt?" He was fine with that.</p><p></p><p>My ex came from a very nice family (although he wasn't...lol), but it would have been horrible if we had had a child who then had inherited his terrible disorder that made my ex sick all of his life and killed his father, who had not known he had it. Ex had two serious operations to remove adrenal glads as tumors were causing adrenalin to be released quick and fast and could cause heart attack (this happened to his dad at age 42 without warning). Then he had his thyroid removed as, which often goes with this syndrome, he had medullary thyroid cancer. So he has no adrenal glands and no thyroid and has needed heavy duty medications since age 27. His brother was the other 50%...doesn't have it so his kids can't get it because if the gene is there it is dominant and you WILL get it.</p><p></p><p>WE think about diseases when we have kids. We do not think about personality being inherited. But it is. So is mental illness.</p><p></p><p>Maybe in the future, a genetic study will include whether your DNA genepool has personality problems that are severe. I hope so. It's not just about illnesses you can see...it's about illnesses that manifest as core aspects of personality too. Our kids and us have to live with who they are. And so do we and it can break our heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 652366, member: 1550"] Most people don't think about it, but because I was personally affected by my family's crappi DNA, I did think about it. And I wish we'd give a thought to who we are breeding with as well, although who does? Nobody thinks, "This guy is not very stable so it's best not to have a bio. kid with him." We're too young when we have our kids. We think we'll be such good parents and that will override everything. Billy, when I was pregnant the hormone changes, which affect me profoundly, threw me into a deep depression and I spent ten weeks in a psychiatric hospital of my choosing. Back then you could choose your place to get help and stay until you were better and insurance covered it. Yes, very vintage!!!! While I was in there, without medications for a long time due to my pregnancy, I was given a lot of university psychiatric books to read and I gobbled them up (it was a university hospital, which I think are the best ones). I learned a lot. They had not even touched the genetic aspect of personality problems yet, but they had touched upon mood disorders and heredity...so I felt my baby was doomed. I did not realize my parents and sister did not just get depressed, although not as badly as I did, but that t hey genuinely were not very empathetic or nice. But I just had a strong feeling that your personality problems are also inherited. I don't know why. Bart is very open about how he was conceived. My husband was sterile and had a very serious metabolic disorder that has almost killed him many times. It is 50% hereditary and his father had it. We did not know any of this at the time, but we did know he was sterile so we chose to have a Sperm Donor. Bart does not know the other side of his DNA and will never know it. Fortunately, he has no interest. Even if you even bring it up, he cuts you off with "Dad is my dad. Not interested. Next subject." He is so much like my family in both good (very intelligent and creative) and bad (can be cold, very anxiety prone) ways. I don't see the degree of selfishness in him that is apparent in Mom, Dad and Sissy. Thank God!!!! But I simply did not want to take another chance, even before I knew what he'd be like. I told my husband many times while in the hospital, "I want more kids...a big family...but is it ok if we just adopt?" He was fine with that. My ex came from a very nice family (although he wasn't...lol), but it would have been horrible if we had had a child who then had inherited his terrible disorder that made my ex sick all of his life and killed his father, who had not known he had it. Ex had two serious operations to remove adrenal glads as tumors were causing adrenalin to be released quick and fast and could cause heart attack (this happened to his dad at age 42 without warning). Then he had his thyroid removed as, which often goes with this syndrome, he had medullary thyroid cancer. So he has no adrenal glands and no thyroid and has needed heavy duty medications since age 27. His brother was the other 50%...doesn't have it so his kids can't get it because if the gene is there it is dominant and you WILL get it. WE think about diseases when we have kids. We do not think about personality being inherited. But it is. So is mental illness. Maybe in the future, a genetic study will include whether your DNA genepool has personality problems that are severe. I hope so. It's not just about illnesses you can see...it's about illnesses that manifest as core aspects of personality too. Our kids and us have to live with who they are. And so do we and it can break our heart. [/QUOTE]
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