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When to cut the ties
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 652395" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Tanya, I read the list quickly the day you posted, but was glad to take the time to read it again, slowly. </p><p></p><p>For me, there are some toxic people, and then there are degrees in relationships all the way to the other side of the continuum---to the closest of friends and husband. </p><p></p><p>There are very few totally toxic people in my life right now---I can think of one situation. With others, there are periods of time when I have pulled way, way back for a time, because the behaviors were toxic. For most, in time, we were able to resume and even create a new, healthier relationship. In almost all relationships, I have become aware of boundaries and of establishing much healthier boundaries for myself and hopefully for them along the way. </p><p></p><p>With difficult child, I set boundaries that included very little to no contact for periods of time, when I started taking better care of myself and determining what I needed to function and then thrive. </p><p></p><p>I am very attune today to behaviors that are manipulative, one-sided, stressful to me, even just worrisome, where I come back to the relationship and whatever happened multiple times during the day. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This situation is enough in and of itself to create stronger boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Today, I ask myself: What do I need to have a good day today? I try to listen to myself---I am much kinder to myself than ever before in my life. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Billy, I think the answer to this hope and prayer is: give yourself the love you need. We don't need to wait any more for our families to give us what we need. Most of us are well into adulthood. We need to look closely at what we need, and then---give it to ourselves or surround ourselves with people who are healthy for us.</p><p></p><p>The unhealthy ones---set varying degrees of boundaries with them. And those boundaries can change over time, as people and situations change.</p><p></p><p>Today, difficult child and I can talk, text and see each other periodically. We usually communicate about once a week or maybe twice. I haven't seen him in several weeks. </p><p></p><p>That is okay with me. He needs to live his life, and I don't need to know all of the gory details. That's his business and I don't want to worry myself with things that aren't my business. </p><p></p><p>This is a good topic.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 652395, member: 17542"] Tanya, I read the list quickly the day you posted, but was glad to take the time to read it again, slowly. For me, there are some toxic people, and then there are degrees in relationships all the way to the other side of the continuum---to the closest of friends and husband. There are very few totally toxic people in my life right now---I can think of one situation. With others, there are periods of time when I have pulled way, way back for a time, because the behaviors were toxic. For most, in time, we were able to resume and even create a new, healthier relationship. In almost all relationships, I have become aware of boundaries and of establishing much healthier boundaries for myself and hopefully for them along the way. With difficult child, I set boundaries that included very little to no contact for periods of time, when I started taking better care of myself and determining what I needed to function and then thrive. I am very attune today to behaviors that are manipulative, one-sided, stressful to me, even just worrisome, where I come back to the relationship and whatever happened multiple times during the day. This situation is enough in and of itself to create stronger boundaries. Today, I ask myself: What do I need to have a good day today? I try to listen to myself---I am much kinder to myself than ever before in my life. Billy, I think the answer to this hope and prayer is: give yourself the love you need. We don't need to wait any more for our families to give us what we need. Most of us are well into adulthood. We need to look closely at what we need, and then---give it to ourselves or surround ourselves with people who are healthy for us. The unhealthy ones---set varying degrees of boundaries with them. And those boundaries can change over time, as people and situations change. Today, difficult child and I can talk, text and see each other periodically. We usually communicate about once a week or maybe twice. I haven't seen him in several weeks. That is okay with me. He needs to live his life, and I don't need to know all of the gory details. That's his business and I don't want to worry myself with things that aren't my business. This is a good topic. [/QUOTE]
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