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When to cut the ties
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 653681" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The hardest part is seeing how things really are. I still get a nasty shock over so much of it. But it is what it is, so that's okay too.</p><p></p><p>Read more: <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/when-to-cut-the-ties.59986/page-2#ixzz3Wp328JDa" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/when-to-cut-the-ties.59986/page-2#ixzz3Wp328JDa</a></p><p>Billie, hon, I so understand. You don't know how much. We DID move, not to get away from the kids, but to get away from other toxic family and I thank God every day t hat we did. It's not as far as I'd like, but I can't go too far from grandchildren, otherwise...well,France and Greece sound GREAT, but out of my price range to leave the country. I think I'd like the peaceful, quiet states where people don't bother you, such as Wyoming or Montana.</p><p></p><p>Distance makes a difference because you never have to worry you will run into them or that they will make false charges against you and call the cops in your state (and if they do so in another state, the cops tend to just think "oh, another nut.")</p><p></p><p>Your daughter's not showing up for lunch was cruel. It is sad to know that certain people are ok with being cruel and mean. I don't like labels anymore because we don't know WHY they do things. We are not doctors. But we do know who is mean to us for no reason and we can put distance between ourselves, either real live distance or emotional distance. We can go on with our lives and keep them in the background (low contact). When this is a child, it is harder until somehow they go so off the rails and are so cruel that it hurts more to see them than not to see them. And I am just learning, as a young 61 (is there such a thng?) that people who don't see things straight DO make you feel like the crazy one; the cause of their every misery; an abuser, when, in fact, they are. You will get a renewed sense of reality if you have time to be alone, without the voices chattering at you about how horrible you are.</p><p></p><p>As Cedar said, and as is so true, when the truth finally dawns on you, you are in shock. It's a lightbulb moment. "I'm not crazy...they made me out to be crazy because it was in THEIR interest to blame our looney, divide-and-conquer, meanspirited family on me!"</p><p>But actually it has NOTHING to do with you at all and everything to do with them." Ok, Cedar, I sort of misquoted you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>The fact is that they will always do it. It serves them well. Take care of YOU and don't worry what others think of you, no matter who they are, if they are wrong. And you know, in your heart, if they are wrong.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 653681, member: 1550"] The hardest part is seeing how things really are. I still get a nasty shock over so much of it. But it is what it is, so that's okay too. Read more: [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/when-to-cut-the-ties.59986/page-2#ixzz3Wp328JDa[/URL] Billie, hon, I so understand. You don't know how much. We DID move, not to get away from the kids, but to get away from other toxic family and I thank God every day t hat we did. It's not as far as I'd like, but I can't go too far from grandchildren, otherwise...well,France and Greece sound GREAT, but out of my price range to leave the country. I think I'd like the peaceful, quiet states where people don't bother you, such as Wyoming or Montana. Distance makes a difference because you never have to worry you will run into them or that they will make false charges against you and call the cops in your state (and if they do so in another state, the cops tend to just think "oh, another nut.") Your daughter's not showing up for lunch was cruel. It is sad to know that certain people are ok with being cruel and mean. I don't like labels anymore because we don't know WHY they do things. We are not doctors. But we do know who is mean to us for no reason and we can put distance between ourselves, either real live distance or emotional distance. We can go on with our lives and keep them in the background (low contact). When this is a child, it is harder until somehow they go so off the rails and are so cruel that it hurts more to see them than not to see them. And I am just learning, as a young 61 (is there such a thng?) that people who don't see things straight DO make you feel like the crazy one; the cause of their every misery; an abuser, when, in fact, they are. You will get a renewed sense of reality if you have time to be alone, without the voices chattering at you about how horrible you are. As Cedar said, and as is so true, when the truth finally dawns on you, you are in shock. It's a lightbulb moment. "I'm not crazy...they made me out to be crazy because it was in THEIR interest to blame our looney, divide-and-conquer, meanspirited family on me!" But actually it has NOTHING to do with you at all and everything to do with them." Ok, Cedar, I sort of misquoted you ;) The fact is that they will always do it. It serves them well. Take care of YOU and don't worry what others think of you, no matter who they are, if they are wrong. And you know, in your heart, if they are wrong. [B] [/B] [/QUOTE]
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