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When to cut the ties
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 653689" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You know, not that I want to be mean, but I almost wish I had told my mother, "I know you don't like me. I don't like you either. You've been a terrible mother to me and taking your hatred of me out on your grandchildren is cruel too, although thankfully they don't know you. I am saying good-bye for the last time, and you'll be glad, but I'm doing it to for ME, not for you."</p><p></p><p>I never did give her a cruel send off. I couldn't do it.</p><p></p><p>Maybe today I could, now that I realize how she set the entire family to treat me like dirt.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, nobody made the others go along with her.</p><p></p><p>When I finally had a frank, although texting, discussion about my true feelings with my unnamed relative about how I felt, that was when she did another big cut off. They don't want to hear our truth, as it was honestly for us, but we need to hear our own truth and validate ourselves and happily here we can validate one another.</p><p></p><p>Just because somebody says you have red hair, it doesn't mean you do. Just because somebody says you are evil, that doesn't mean you aren't nice. Just because...we all know the truth of what we are like. Nobody is all good or all bad, but that's what "they" want us to think...that we never hda any value and have no positives.</p><p></p><p>They may be projecting. Who knows? And, where I amn ow, who cares?</p><p></p><p>Detachment is a gift. Beware of your toxic hater, the one who wants to turn the world against you, be it your mother, your father, your sister, your brother or, yes, even your own child. Nothing even rational will change their minds about you so it's best to move on. I am reading voraciously about family scapegoats now and nothing ever felt so right...it is up to us to stop filling the role, have confidence, and GET OUT.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking of starting a blog to keep healing with others who were family scapegoats and the shock of the realization and the relief of the healing. I may call it, "OH, You Mean I'm Not Really Evil?" Go by a fake name and no specific details, mostly feelings and things that I went through and others can hop on and do the same. Healing together is more potent than doing it alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 653689, member: 1550"] You know, not that I want to be mean, but I almost wish I had told my mother, "I know you don't like me. I don't like you either. You've been a terrible mother to me and taking your hatred of me out on your grandchildren is cruel too, although thankfully they don't know you. I am saying good-bye for the last time, and you'll be glad, but I'm doing it to for ME, not for you." I never did give her a cruel send off. I couldn't do it. Maybe today I could, now that I realize how she set the entire family to treat me like dirt. On the other hand, nobody made the others go along with her. When I finally had a frank, although texting, discussion about my true feelings with my unnamed relative about how I felt, that was when she did another big cut off. They don't want to hear our truth, as it was honestly for us, but we need to hear our own truth and validate ourselves and happily here we can validate one another. Just because somebody says you have red hair, it doesn't mean you do. Just because somebody says you are evil, that doesn't mean you aren't nice. Just because...we all know the truth of what we are like. Nobody is all good or all bad, but that's what "they" want us to think...that we never hda any value and have no positives. They may be projecting. Who knows? And, where I amn ow, who cares? Detachment is a gift. Beware of your toxic hater, the one who wants to turn the world against you, be it your mother, your father, your sister, your brother or, yes, even your own child. Nothing even rational will change their minds about you so it's best to move on. I am reading voraciously about family scapegoats now and nothing ever felt so right...it is up to us to stop filling the role, have confidence, and GET OUT. I am thinking of starting a blog to keep healing with others who were family scapegoats and the shock of the realization and the relief of the healing. I may call it, "OH, You Mean I'm Not Really Evil?" Go by a fake name and no specific details, mostly feelings and things that I went through and others can hop on and do the same. Healing together is more potent than doing it alone. [/QUOTE]
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