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General Parenting
when to push, when to leave it alone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 392471" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Sit down with her and do a PMI on both options (trying out, and not trying out). Do it on paper. </p><p></p><p>Her problem is the anxiety and panic. She needs to know that she has to deal with this, whichever choice she makes, and in life a lot of people have to take their anxiety into account.</p><p></p><p>With practice, she can learn to not merely try to avoid anxiety totally, but instead to use it as a tool, to let the adrenalin from the anxiety drive her enthusiasm in those areas where she is really interested.</p><p></p><p>It is normal for a kid to feel scared when trying out even for something they desperately want to do. The fear of failure is always there. But if you don't ever try, the fear of seeing your opportunity slip by, untested, is far worse long-term.</p><p></p><p>She needs to really think about ALL the options as well as all the "what ifs" of what she has to face daily, if she chooses to not try, ever. Can she try again later if she fluffs this chance? What is the worst that will happen, with either option? Look at that worst. Stare it in the face. How does it feel? How bad is it really? Then stare in t he face the option of success - how does it feel? Weigh them up side by side, and balance in the anxiety while being in the process. Are there any things she can try, to alleviate the anxiety to manageable levels while she goes through this process?</p><p></p><p>It's a matter of using cognitive behaviour therapy to deal with this. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I think you should push. But push using the process I have just described, then let HER own whatever choice is made.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 392471, member: 1991"] Sit down with her and do a PMI on both options (trying out, and not trying out). Do it on paper. Her problem is the anxiety and panic. She needs to know that she has to deal with this, whichever choice she makes, and in life a lot of people have to take their anxiety into account. With practice, she can learn to not merely try to avoid anxiety totally, but instead to use it as a tool, to let the adrenalin from the anxiety drive her enthusiasm in those areas where she is really interested. It is normal for a kid to feel scared when trying out even for something they desperately want to do. The fear of failure is always there. But if you don't ever try, the fear of seeing your opportunity slip by, untested, is far worse long-term. She needs to really think about ALL the options as well as all the "what ifs" of what she has to face daily, if she chooses to not try, ever. Can she try again later if she fluffs this chance? What is the worst that will happen, with either option? Look at that worst. Stare it in the face. How does it feel? How bad is it really? Then stare in t he face the option of success - how does it feel? Weigh them up side by side, and balance in the anxiety while being in the process. Are there any things she can try, to alleviate the anxiety to manageable levels while she goes through this process? It's a matter of using cognitive behaviour therapy to deal with this. Yes, I think you should push. But push using the process I have just described, then let HER own whatever choice is made. Marg [/QUOTE]
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when to push, when to leave it alone?
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