When you have 3 difficult child's...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nlg319, May 16, 2007.

  1. nlg319

    nlg319 New Member

    Sometimes I wonder if this is all real? Could all of my children have issues? My difficult child#2 is starting to act like difficult child#1. Is it because he has watched her act up for so long? Is it because he has the same issues with ODD as she does? Is he going to be diagnosed with ODD next? Are they both going to be Bipolar?? I started thinking the other day, maybe I'm Bipolar! I asked my therapist and she said although I do have mood swings, she wouldn't give me that official diagnosis. difficult child#3 is not my bio son and he comes with a family history of many issues. I honestly don't know how I am going to do it.

    We went to court this morning for difficult child#1 who's been in foster care since middle of April. She has just started to begin to make progress. The goal for her is to return home at the end of the school year. She has an appointment. for pysch.evaluation and medication. evaluation.

    difficult child#2 has been acting up. I think it has to do with everything that is happening with his sister out of the house and all that lead up to it. He is failing Math and has a D in all other subjects. He is typically a because student. I got a call from his teacher that he had a detention for throwing pieces of pencil around the room. She agreed that something was up with him. I called the guidance counselor and we set up a meeting in 2 weeks. I feel like I have been neglecting him because I have been dealing with difficult child#1.

    difficult child#3 is my little guy. He keeps me going. Makes me laugh and warms my heart. But, he has his issues too. It looks like he will not start Kindergarten yet. He'll just be 5 on June 16th. And he does have significant delays. I just hope that I can really stay on top of things for him. He is my first experience dealing with IEP'S and Special Education. I want to make sure that I am knowledgeable about all that he is entitled to. I had him evaluated at Children's Hospital last summer. Given diagnosises of ADHD and Communication Disorder not otherwise specified.

    And then there is husband. We go to couples counseling every Saturday morning. All we do is talk about the kids. We never get to any of the issues between us. I feel like we live as roommates. Disciplining the kids is a big issue for us. He is a lot harder than I am. I'm trying to respond and not "react" to their behavior. I feel like he gets on them about every little thing.

    Wow, I didn't plan on saying so much. Just feels good to vent!
     
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Venting is good for the soul! Venting is one of the things we do really well around here. Well, that and supporting our board buddies when they need it.

    Support and hugs to you,
    Sharon
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nlg,

    You do have a lot on your plate right now-vent away! You must be exhausted-it is so important to take care of you-read a good book, take a walk, etc...Hugs.
     
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Feel free to dump on us. Get husband to read here too, post here as well if he wants. it's good for what ails you. it might help you give each other more "you" time, too.

    As for having three difficult children - check my sig!

    What can also happen - one kid misbehaves, it sets off others. You're too busy with one, others try to cheat the system and get away with stuff that a less distracted parent would be on top of.

    Hang in there. It does get better. One day they grow up and leave home!

    Marg
     
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Anxious kid plus what's been going on at home equals what you're seeing with difficult child 2, in my experience. My difficult child has always been challenging and highly anxious, but it wasn't until easy child was severely depressed and hostile/aggressive that things spun out of control for her.

    I agree with Marg about encouraging husband to read here, too. I think it's a great idea. I don't have a husband or an SO, but when I'm bouncing ideas off a close friend of mine (who my difficult child is close to as well), I'll ask her to read things on here. Sometimes it's just easier than trying to explain it all over again, you know? She has 2 borderline difficult child's herself so that helps.

    And vent away any time. It's why we're here!
     
  6. sweepymom

    sweepymom New Member

    just keep in mind when you get an iep make sure everything that you want to see him accomplish in the year is in the iep. If you want him to take a five minute break every 2-3 hours then they have to put it in the iep. I got 2 kids with an iep and in my 8 year olds it has if he seems frustrated then he needs to take a five minute break and my 6 year old if she complains that her brain hurts then she needs to take a break.
     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    nlg....I sometimes wonder if there isnt something really wrong with me or the water around my place. I have 3 kids who have/had their own challenges...probable aspergers, severe ADHD, and Cory the sociopath....then I have my own issues and husband has some minor issues of his own.

    But then I think well doesnt everyone have some sort of issue to deal with in their life? It may not be the same thing we do but it could be another health problem or it could be a financial problem, car woes, job problems, gambling, something. Around me there is a lot of abuse, alcohol and drug problems. I tend to feel lucky I only am dealing with Cory as my major problem. The rest of my problems pale in comparison. I have so much support from the rest of my family for my health issues and my two older boys are no problem now. In fact the middle one is a success story...happy and productive.

    The growing up years are hard but it does get better. Hang in there.
     
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Would it help you to compartmentalize all of the issues going on? I have to sort out exactly what I'm dealing with on any given day, hour, minute & set aside any & all other garbage.

    While, I'm dealing with kt, wm is never far from my mind - yet I put him on hold to address kt's needs. The same can be said for wm, when dealing with kt.

    husband & I spent months spewing difficult child issues in counseling. Once we got past the difficult child stuff (therapist felt we needed to address this stuff) we started working on our relationship. How to find moments during the day for ourselves. How to maintain our friendship as well as our marriage. It's been a journey - well worth it in my humble opinion.

    Don't forget "me" time when you have it. One difficult child wears you down - 2 can take you down.
     
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