I was thinking about this during a bored moment, sitting in the car and waiting for my son to finish shopping. That's when I often do my *deep thinking* Sis started out being on the borderline board because of her boyfriend who she told me she is convinced is borderline. When I used to cheat, she even had a few posts about him. Then she realized, I guess, that I saw them and stopped posting about him and turned to ME being her abuser. She never ever talked about me abusing her before I finally told her that she could not talk to me about her abusive boyfriend (and she named him as such plus called him borderline and I believe he is also an alcoholic). She really got angry about that and that's when the snub began and suddenly I was abusive to her all of her life. I'm not validating or invalidating her mindset. I certainly did tease her when we were children and mother, of course, never stopped me so it went on. That's a fact. Other than that, there was no actual abuse and I think she knows that. So I wonder if she'd LIKE to vent about her boyfriend, but feels she can't a nymore because he could actually find out s he was putting their relationship out there on the internet and calling HIM borderline. Now I have not been reading her stuff but she is likely still with him, but can't post about him. I wonder if she is doing it to me because she's afraid to toss it at her real abuser, the boyfriend. He was so mean to her, cruel even, controlling, jealous, drunk most of the time, dismissive of her, and only was nice to her when she actually threatened to leave. Then he'd turn on the charm and she'd go back. This cycle is why I stopped allowing her to talk about him. I felt he was extremely unstable and did not want to enable her attachment to him. Plus frankly it was repetitious and boring and a bit scary. So do they sometimes use us as a proxy for the true abuser? I have never never in my worst moment (and I have them) done the things to her that this man has done. Ever. He has been at it for five years. Or more. Does this happen with people who have personality disorders? I have no doubt that she has some sort of disorder, just as I know I have issues as well. But I'm more forthcoming as in I calls it as I sees it and I am not passive aggressive. I am not upset at the thought of this. It is simply a question I asked myself yesterday and thought I'd throw it out to my healing chatmates. Answer here or PM. This just makes so much sense to me. Of course, as always, I know I could be wrong.