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Parent Emeritus
When your adult child steals from you.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 520017" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I cannot imagine taking something from my mother's house with-o asking her first. Heck, if we go by when she is out of the house and we have a cup of coffee we leave a note, even if she was expecting us. If it is the last cup, we make a fresh pot and put it in the thermal carafe. I can't imagine what she was thinking. HOw was it "hers' if you had it for ten years? I think yo need to get the key back from her or change the lock, and talk to her. Draw a firm boundary with her AND her husband that if she wants to take something she MUST let you know ahead of time or it is stealing. Period. Heck, my mother in law, who I haven't seen in 14 yrs because she chooses to not see us (my kids saw her at my father in law and stepmil's last xmas and did not know who she was - and after that have said they don't want to see her again because she is just not a great person, too much alcoholism has taken its toll), has a dresser that "is" my husband's, but there is no way that we would go and get it from her. Yes, a relative left it to husband in her will, but mother in law asked to use it and when we got our first house asked to keep it there because she wasn't up to emptying it, so we think it is now hers, not ours. I can't see why your daughter thought it was "hers". If she had her own home, why didn't she get it before this, and why could she not ask you about it before just taking it? What would she have done if you filed a theft report with the police? </p><p></p><p>You need to let her AND her husband know the rules, that she is NOT welcome to spend time there in the am if she cannot be respectful and not remove things with-o asking. Let the husband know so that your daughter cannot tell him lies about you and if she brings something home she has to either lie and say you knew or else he will know she stole it from you. Hopefully that would keep her from stealing, and if something did disappear then you could ask her husband if he knew where it was. If she told him you said she could have it, why would you ask him? It is a way to keep her from triangulating him against you, and to keep everyone on the same page.</p><p></p><p>You can't control what the kids are told. All you can do is to tell them that whatever happens between the adults, Gma will ALWAYS love them no matter what.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 520017, member: 1233"] I cannot imagine taking something from my mother's house with-o asking her first. Heck, if we go by when she is out of the house and we have a cup of coffee we leave a note, even if she was expecting us. If it is the last cup, we make a fresh pot and put it in the thermal carafe. I can't imagine what she was thinking. HOw was it "hers' if you had it for ten years? I think yo need to get the key back from her or change the lock, and talk to her. Draw a firm boundary with her AND her husband that if she wants to take something she MUST let you know ahead of time or it is stealing. Period. Heck, my mother in law, who I haven't seen in 14 yrs because she chooses to not see us (my kids saw her at my father in law and stepmil's last xmas and did not know who she was - and after that have said they don't want to see her again because she is just not a great person, too much alcoholism has taken its toll), has a dresser that "is" my husband's, but there is no way that we would go and get it from her. Yes, a relative left it to husband in her will, but mother in law asked to use it and when we got our first house asked to keep it there because she wasn't up to emptying it, so we think it is now hers, not ours. I can't see why your daughter thought it was "hers". If she had her own home, why didn't she get it before this, and why could she not ask you about it before just taking it? What would she have done if you filed a theft report with the police? You need to let her AND her husband know the rules, that she is NOT welcome to spend time there in the am if she cannot be respectful and not remove things with-o asking. Let the husband know so that your daughter cannot tell him lies about you and if she brings something home she has to either lie and say you knew or else he will know she stole it from you. Hopefully that would keep her from stealing, and if something did disappear then you could ask her husband if he knew where it was. If she told him you said she could have it, why would you ask him? It is a way to keep her from triangulating him against you, and to keep everyone on the same page. You can't control what the kids are told. All you can do is to tell them that whatever happens between the adults, Gma will ALWAYS love them no matter what. [/QUOTE]
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