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When your adult child steals from you...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619350" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>One of the common things I see in KayDay's and DadinMinn's post is the final, big scene, now you've really gone too far event that causes the big step forward to detachment.</p><p></p><p>Why couldn't we get it earlier? We are parents who love our children and believe in them, that someday, the people we housed and loved and nurtured for so many years will revert back to those lessons and that foundation and finally. Get it.</p><p></p><p>What we don't see is the truth and the depth of their disease. But why should we? We are way, way out of our league most of us with this horrific, 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. We get it when we get it.</p><p></p><p>And then, we feel guilty about it. We are ashamed because we finally lost it and did what we had to do to save ourselves. </p><p></p><p>Hopefully, with the both of you any shame, guilt or second thoughts will be short-lived. I hope and wish for the both of you that you can now finally, rest, return to your own good thinking and sanity, and focus on your lives. </p><p></p><p>Trying to think we can fix or control somebody else is insanity-making. We become insane in our loving quest to stop our precious adult children from their path of destruction but we fail Every. Single. Time. </p><p></p><p>Unless the person is ready to change.</p><p></p><p>DadinMinn, I too, am beginning to think my precious 24.5 yo adult son would rather live the life he is living than a "normal" life. Once I could even tolerate that thought for more than a minute or two---it being completely foreign to me and without any type of rationality----there was peace. I am learning to stop struggling against what it.</p><p></p><p>We know who we are. We know what we have tried to do in our love for them. We also know mistakes we have made and things we wish we would not have done or said. We are only human. We can say we are sorry if we need to.</p><p></p><p>Then let's move on. Maybe some people are just lost to us. Maybe that is, what is. It is sad, it is tragic, it is a waste, and it hurts us deeply and profoundly, but I am tired of suffering so much for someone who doesn't want to change.</p><p></p><p>I am working hard every single day to stop that. I now care as much about myself as I do my son, and I believe that is tremendous progress.</p><p></p><p>Prayers, blessings and hugs go to you two especially today, and to all of us. </p><p></p><p>P.S. In addition to this site, another immediate thing you can do to quiet the crazy obsessive thinking is attend an Al-Anon meeting. You don't have to say anything. I have worked an Al-Anon program seriously for the past 4 years and I have found tremendous honesty, truth, peace and caring there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619350, member: 17542"] One of the common things I see in KayDay's and DadinMinn's post is the final, big scene, now you've really gone too far event that causes the big step forward to detachment. Why couldn't we get it earlier? We are parents who love our children and believe in them, that someday, the people we housed and loved and nurtured for so many years will revert back to those lessons and that foundation and finally. Get it. What we don't see is the truth and the depth of their disease. But why should we? We are way, way out of our league most of us with this horrific, 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. We get it when we get it. And then, we feel guilty about it. We are ashamed because we finally lost it and did what we had to do to save ourselves. Hopefully, with the both of you any shame, guilt or second thoughts will be short-lived. I hope and wish for the both of you that you can now finally, rest, return to your own good thinking and sanity, and focus on your lives. Trying to think we can fix or control somebody else is insanity-making. We become insane in our loving quest to stop our precious adult children from their path of destruction but we fail Every. Single. Time. Unless the person is ready to change. DadinMinn, I too, am beginning to think my precious 24.5 yo adult son would rather live the life he is living than a "normal" life. Once I could even tolerate that thought for more than a minute or two---it being completely foreign to me and without any type of rationality----there was peace. I am learning to stop struggling against what it. We know who we are. We know what we have tried to do in our love for them. We also know mistakes we have made and things we wish we would not have done or said. We are only human. We can say we are sorry if we need to. Then let's move on. Maybe some people are just lost to us. Maybe that is, what is. It is sad, it is tragic, it is a waste, and it hurts us deeply and profoundly, but I am tired of suffering so much for someone who doesn't want to change. I am working hard every single day to stop that. I now care as much about myself as I do my son, and I believe that is tremendous progress. Prayers, blessings and hugs go to you two especially today, and to all of us. P.S. In addition to this site, another immediate thing you can do to quiet the crazy obsessive thinking is attend an Al-Anon meeting. You don't have to say anything. I have worked an Al-Anon program seriously for the past 4 years and I have found tremendous honesty, truth, peace and caring there. [/QUOTE]
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