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When your adult child steals from you...
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<blockquote data-quote="DadInMinn" data-source="post: 619443" data-attributes="member: 17660"><p>Thank you for your thoughtful replies, ChildofMine, Scent of Cedar, TessFromWa, and Recoveringenabler. Your thoughtful and kind words of support arrived when they were needed most. </p><p>I'm still struggling with feelings of guilt for throwing "the boys" out at midnight in a -20F windchill. At the time, I rationalized my decision (in reality, it was more of a reaction than a decision) to kick them out, reasoning that they may well be safer outside in the sub-zero temperature than they would have been had they remained in my house with me. When I fully comprehended that awful truth I knew there could be no turning back. At that point, I could no longer stand the sight of either of them. A kinder, gentler DadInMinn of yesteryear might have kept them safe at home, feeding and sheltering them, allowing them the use of family cars, even providing them small amounts of money from time to time, until Spring, when I would probably have forgiven them "just one more time." DadInMinn ver. 1.0 is no more.</p><p>Something had to break the cycle; their outrageous behavior may have done the trick for both my long-suffering wife and me. My wife and I are temporarily separated, which may make this situation more difficult for both of us. (MomInMinn is staying in a far-away state with our easy child daughter and her family, soaking up grandchild love and warmer weather for the winter months.) She supports what I did, but she, too, is feeling waves of sadness and despair.When we talk on the phone about the current situation, I can hear her sob and catch her breath. I told her I posted to this website yesterday when we talked on the phone last night. She read my post and the reply posts available at the time, I think from ChildOfMine, Scent of Ceddar, and maybe TessFromWa. I'm glad to say that MomInMinn was comforted by the kind words offered in support by each of you. She asked me to thank you on her behalf.</p><p>By now, our "Irish Twin difficult children" have arrived at their destination with whatever remains from the $100 I gave each of them. They have no jobs, no food, and no shelter. They are full of resentment, anger, and, for at least one of the two, a roiling, malignant bipolar illness. </p><p>I'm working very hard to not care, but I'm finding it not merely difficult, but impossible to do more than say the words; so far, my heart isn't listening.</p><p>I'm going to read the article on detachment now. </p><p>Again, you have been a tremendous help to two distraught newly-estranged difficult child parents. We can't thank you enough. This is not going to be easy, but we are determined to make it stick this time. We need to consider our own happiness. Besides, "our boys" are no longer boys; to grow up, if that is even possible, they will need to begin taking responsibility for their own situation(s), together or apart from one another. Mommy and Daddy are no longer available to them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DadInMinn, post: 619443, member: 17660"] Thank you for your thoughtful replies, ChildofMine, Scent of Cedar, TessFromWa, and Recoveringenabler. Your thoughtful and kind words of support arrived when they were needed most. I'm still struggling with feelings of guilt for throwing "the boys" out at midnight in a -20F windchill. At the time, I rationalized my decision (in reality, it was more of a reaction than a decision) to kick them out, reasoning that they may well be safer outside in the sub-zero temperature than they would have been had they remained in my house with me. When I fully comprehended that awful truth I knew there could be no turning back. At that point, I could no longer stand the sight of either of them. A kinder, gentler DadInMinn of yesteryear might have kept them safe at home, feeding and sheltering them, allowing them the use of family cars, even providing them small amounts of money from time to time, until Spring, when I would probably have forgiven them "just one more time." DadInMinn ver. 1.0 is no more. Something had to break the cycle; their outrageous behavior may have done the trick for both my long-suffering wife and me. My wife and I are temporarily separated, which may make this situation more difficult for both of us. (MomInMinn is staying in a far-away state with our easy child daughter and her family, soaking up grandchild love and warmer weather for the winter months.) She supports what I did, but she, too, is feeling waves of sadness and despair.When we talk on the phone about the current situation, I can hear her sob and catch her breath. I told her I posted to this website yesterday when we talked on the phone last night. She read my post and the reply posts available at the time, I think from ChildOfMine, Scent of Ceddar, and maybe TessFromWa. I'm glad to say that MomInMinn was comforted by the kind words offered in support by each of you. She asked me to thank you on her behalf. By now, our "Irish Twin difficult children" have arrived at their destination with whatever remains from the $100 I gave each of them. They have no jobs, no food, and no shelter. They are full of resentment, anger, and, for at least one of the two, a roiling, malignant bipolar illness. I'm working very hard to not care, but I'm finding it not merely difficult, but impossible to do more than say the words; so far, my heart isn't listening. I'm going to read the article on detachment now. Again, you have been a tremendous help to two distraught newly-estranged difficult child parents. We can't thank you enough. This is not going to be easy, but we are determined to make it stick this time. We need to consider our own happiness. Besides, "our boys" are no longer boys; to grow up, if that is even possible, they will need to begin taking responsibility for their own situation(s), together or apart from one another. Mommy and Daddy are no longer available to them. [/QUOTE]
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