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When your parent is a 'difficult child' ?
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 80220" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>I also have a mother who, although never diagnosed, I truly believe has serious mental health issues as well. I used to talk to my father until I was blue in the face that he really needed to try to persuade her to get some help. He was always in a state of denial. Actually, I think he was an enabler. He allowed her to remain the way she was and ended up doing everything for her. In their relationship, he is the "parent" and she is the "child". There is absolutely nothing healthy about their marriage!</p><p></p><p>Last year I learned some absolutely horrible things about my father. My relationship with my parents was never a healthy one. As I look back, my father was distant and cold and totally self-centered. He hid this by always saying the right things and talking as though he really cared. However, at times when I really needed him, he always let me down. He was never there. Talk is cheap. As the old saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words."</p><p></p><p>After learning about the horrible things my father did, I was in a state of shock. I NEVER in a zillion years thought he was capable of what he did!!! After much soul searching, I realized that it was time to cut off the ties with my parents. My first and top priority is my husband and children.</p><p></p><p>This wasn't an easy thing to do. However, given the circumstances, I believe it was absolutely necessary. Explaining to my children why they would never see their grandparents again was very, very difficult. difficult child 2 "hated" me for a long time. Honestly, I still don't think he totally understands why I won't let him see his grandparents. However, I know I made the right decision.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying that you have to cut off all ties with your parents the way I did with mine. However, in my humble opinion, I think a healthy dose of detachment is necessary. You have your own life to lead and a family of your own. You can't make your parents change. Your parents are the only ones who can make positive changes in their own lives.</p><p></p><p>Once you accept the fact that you can't change them, then it is up to you to decide how much or how little you choose to communicate with them. </p><p></p><p>Sending cyber hugs. WFEN</p><p></p><p>P.S. I don't know how I could have missed the line about the gun!!! I realized I missed it after reading Fran's response. I agree with Fran. You cannot allow your children to be put in a dangerous situation!!! If you still don't want to cut off all ties with your mother, that is your choice. However, in my humble opinion, there is NO WAY I would allow her near my children unless she received treatment and was stable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 80220, member: 3388"] I also have a mother who, although never diagnosed, I truly believe has serious mental health issues as well. I used to talk to my father until I was blue in the face that he really needed to try to persuade her to get some help. He was always in a state of denial. Actually, I think he was an enabler. He allowed her to remain the way she was and ended up doing everything for her. In their relationship, he is the "parent" and she is the "child". There is absolutely nothing healthy about their marriage! Last year I learned some absolutely horrible things about my father. My relationship with my parents was never a healthy one. As I look back, my father was distant and cold and totally self-centered. He hid this by always saying the right things and talking as though he really cared. However, at times when I really needed him, he always let me down. He was never there. Talk is cheap. As the old saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words." After learning about the horrible things my father did, I was in a state of shock. I NEVER in a zillion years thought he was capable of what he did!!! After much soul searching, I realized that it was time to cut off the ties with my parents. My first and top priority is my husband and children. This wasn't an easy thing to do. However, given the circumstances, I believe it was absolutely necessary. Explaining to my children why they would never see their grandparents again was very, very difficult. difficult child 2 "hated" me for a long time. Honestly, I still don't think he totally understands why I won't let him see his grandparents. However, I know I made the right decision. I'm not saying that you have to cut off all ties with your parents the way I did with mine. However, in my humble opinion, I think a healthy dose of detachment is necessary. You have your own life to lead and a family of your own. You can't make your parents change. Your parents are the only ones who can make positive changes in their own lives. Once you accept the fact that you can't change them, then it is up to you to decide how much or how little you choose to communicate with them. Sending cyber hugs. WFEN P.S. I don't know how I could have missed the line about the gun!!! I realized I missed it after reading Fran's response. I agree with Fran. You cannot allow your children to be put in a dangerous situation!!! If you still don't want to cut off all ties with your mother, that is your choice. However, in my humble opinion, there is NO WAY I would allow her near my children unless she received treatment and was stable. [/QUOTE]
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When your parent is a 'difficult child' ?
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