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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 620983" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm really sorry for your acute disappointment that I know you feel and your hurting mommy heart. We keep on wishing that they take advantage of the opportunities that they get and often they get more than most adult children. This, however, will not be forgiven as he harmed another family, not his own, and this is when often our adult children who lack morals finally end up in jail/prison. I agree with you that your son is acting as if he has antisocial traits. If this is not drug driven, then I would consider him too dangerous to ever live with you again and probably unlikely to change. I have had to face that 36 has traits too, although they are not the type to get him in jail. They still hurt. I am still baffled at how a person I raised with so much love can often lack empathy.</p><p></p><p>This is my advice about the e-mails, phonecalls, letters, anything...and it comes from experience. I do not know if it is the right answer for you, but I will offer it up anyway and you can disregard it.</p><p></p><p>I would not even open a letter, read an e-mail, or give anything he has to say a hearing. You know in advance that it will be laced with abuse as if YOU had stolen, not him, and he will further probably wound your poor hurt heart by telling you that this happened and he is this way because of YOU. This is their mo. They do this to make YOU feel guilty when THEY do horrible things. God forbid they should ever take responsibility and feel bad about it. If he does, I'd consider that a small sign of hope. Usually it doesn't happen. It is more like "Well, I wasn't getting any money so I had to get it from somewhere, blah, blah, blah" as if getting a job is not an option for them. </p><p></p><p>You can also deal with this with radical acceptance. Yes, this happened. Yes, you are disappointed. Yes, it hurts you. But it is what it is. It happened. You accept it. You go on with your own life (obviously it isn't quit THAT simple with such a wounded heart, but you try acceptance. "My son did this. He is being punished. This is the person he is right now and I can't change that, but I can still have a good life myself with those who love me and who are making good life choices. I've done everything I can do for my son and I accept that now it it 100% up to him."</p><p></p><p>Hugs and hope for serenity and peace soon. This is a blow, but you WILL recover. I like the saying "This too shall pass."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 620983, member: 1550"] I'm really sorry for your acute disappointment that I know you feel and your hurting mommy heart. We keep on wishing that they take advantage of the opportunities that they get and often they get more than most adult children. This, however, will not be forgiven as he harmed another family, not his own, and this is when often our adult children who lack morals finally end up in jail/prison. I agree with you that your son is acting as if he has antisocial traits. If this is not drug driven, then I would consider him too dangerous to ever live with you again and probably unlikely to change. I have had to face that 36 has traits too, although they are not the type to get him in jail. They still hurt. I am still baffled at how a person I raised with so much love can often lack empathy. This is my advice about the e-mails, phonecalls, letters, anything...and it comes from experience. I do not know if it is the right answer for you, but I will offer it up anyway and you can disregard it. I would not even open a letter, read an e-mail, or give anything he has to say a hearing. You know in advance that it will be laced with abuse as if YOU had stolen, not him, and he will further probably wound your poor hurt heart by telling you that this happened and he is this way because of YOU. This is their mo. They do this to make YOU feel guilty when THEY do horrible things. God forbid they should ever take responsibility and feel bad about it. If he does, I'd consider that a small sign of hope. Usually it doesn't happen. It is more like "Well, I wasn't getting any money so I had to get it from somewhere, blah, blah, blah" as if getting a job is not an option for them. You can also deal with this with radical acceptance. Yes, this happened. Yes, you are disappointed. Yes, it hurts you. But it is what it is. It happened. You accept it. You go on with your own life (obviously it isn't quit THAT simple with such a wounded heart, but you try acceptance. "My son did this. He is being punished. This is the person he is right now and I can't change that, but I can still have a good life myself with those who love me and who are making good life choices. I've done everything I can do for my son and I accept that now it it 100% up to him." Hugs and hope for serenity and peace soon. This is a blow, but you WILL recover. I like the saying "This too shall pass." [/QUOTE]
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