Where do I even start??

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Apr 30, 2012.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    So difficult child has been her miserable self. Sleeping a lot, only getting up to eat, not showering, etc. Same exact cycle I saw when she was here using. Saturday morning I go to change the wound and difficult child refuses to get up to let me do it. Starts telling me to leave her the f alone, get the f out, etc. I calmly tell her that I will file a 5150 on her if she refuses medical care and my friend says, let's go for a walk. So we go outside and she tells me that she and difficult child hung out last night chatting and that she showed difficult child A hole's new girlfriend's Facebook page (she is always posting about how happy she is and how wonderful A hole is) and said how angry difficult child was and that difficult child was texting the ex all night telling him off, etc. So, I am a litttle more understanding, go back in and difficult child lets me change the dressing but is still venomous. I leave and when I got home, I texted my friend to ask difficult child if she took her antibiotics. Well, all hades ensued after that. She started screaming at my friend the way she screams at me. My friend told her to pack her things and leave. She did not sign up for that and will not be treated like that in her own home. I can't blame her - not a bit. I told my friend to please call the police. I would rather have difficult child in jail than a drug house. My friend won't. difficult child posts a public apology to us on Facebook and asks that we go look at it. Okay, friend is going to give difficult child one last chance but if she talks to her like that again - she is done. I go there that evening to change the dressing and difficult child is much nicer. She called herself a bad name and said no wonder no one likes her. Then she had the stupidity to say it was the antibiotics that were making her that way. I told her let's be very clear, it is not the antibiotics, it is the dope. Still had a couple of moments where she started to get ugly, but calmed quickly. I go home to spend time with husband before he has to leave on business.

    Sunday morning, I get up for my run and text difficult child that I will be over as soon as I am finished. As I knew would happen eventually, difficult child texts me back that she is not home and that she changed it already. I said you can't do that by yourself (she probably could reach, but I doubt she would). She says she had a friend help. I call BS and I make the decision that I am calling her surgeon Monday and telling him that she is uncooperative. I told her to let me know when she was back home so I could go change it.
    Then, later in the day, my friend asks if I happen to know where difficult child is. My friend went out the night before and didn't come home until yesterday afternoon. She came home and the place was an absolute mess and difficult child was gone. No note, nothing. She, of course, was very angry and said she was done. Asked me to come pick up difficult child's things or she was putting them outside. She told me that she doesn't know how one prepares themselves for their child's death, but that difficult child was going to die and difficult child did not care on bit. I do know this and I think I have come to the conclusion that I will end up burying my child before she turns 21.

    I texted difficult child and difficult child says my friend threw her out the day before. I explained that she was giving difficult child another chance but not now. difficult child will not tell me where she is or where she is staying. She claims she is changing the dressing herself. I told her if it is not changed, the dressing will dry out and stick to the wound. The skin will start to grow into the gauze. She could reach it, but I don't think she is changing it herself and I don't think she cares that she will die. She has been calling and texting back and forth with the ex since she took off from my friend's house. EVERYTHING revolves around this man!!! My friend wrote to the new girlfriend of this man yesterday and told her ALL. So I am sure there has been a lot of drama over that one. She told her how her wonderful boyfriend has been going to meet my daughter, sleeping with my daughter and shooting up with my daughter.

    She is so far gone. That thing in her body is not my daughter. It is a monster. I will probably never see my daughter again. I am convinced she will die soon. How do you help someone that refuses help??? I am going to call the surgeon today and tell him that I do not know where she is and if she is caring for the wound. I am hoping they can put a hold on her. At least it will be 72 hours without drugs. But how can I have this done if I don't know where she is?? This spiral is just so unbelievable. I am watching all of this unfold with my hands tied and I don't know what to do.

    Does anyone know if being non-compliant is cause for her to be held??
     
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh my gosh. Just really scary and sad. Sending supportive hugs and care. I dont know anything about that, I imagine it has to be a life/death situation but ???? I really dont know.
     
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh PG I am so so sorry you are going through this. Definitely call the surgeon. I don't know the laws in your state but where I can live you can either get a mental health hold if they are a danger to themselves or others, or you can get a hold based on serious substance abuse where they are putting themselves or others in danger. Clearly your daughter is putting herself in danger with her drug use and lack of care for the wound. I would call your local court and find out what your options are in that regard.

    This is so heartbreaking.

    TL
     
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I will call the surgeon and the courthouse today. We have a drug court now - wish they had that when she was arrested!!!!!
     
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    It gets worse. Her antibiotics are at my friend's house so she isn't even taking those. Calling courthouse NOW.
     
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG I am so sorry that your difficult child is so addicted to this guy that she is willing to put her life at risk. Our difficult child's are addicted to more than just drugs. This is just horrible for a mom to go through and hy heart aches for you, but you are not going to be able to stop her and either is your friend. Your difficult child needs to want to get help and she doesn't want it yet. It's very true that our difficult child's are in danger of dying before they get help, I have had to come to that realization and it seems to become more real for me every day. Your friend is not capable of giving difficult child the kind of professional help she needs. It seems like their relationship is volatile and filled with it's own drama. I don't know why she contacted to new girlfriend and got in the middle of that but she had to know what would happen next.

    Your difficult child is high on drugs. She is lying about everything. You cannot believe a word she says so of course she is going to lie about when she was kicked out or why. It is no use asking her anything because it is all a lie. I doubt whether the court will do anything about her not taking care of her wound.

    It's time to take a step back PG as hard as that is going to be. I know your heart is breaking, I can hear and feel that in your posts. You are in panic and you want desperately to get her help. But as hard as you try to help her she just pushed harder away. Get yourself to a meeting or talk to someone who understands addiction and start pulling away. Let your daughter know you love her and you are there and ready to help her get help but that you cannot help her until she wants to help herself.

    This is by far the hardest thing you will have to do besides burying your difficult child. I live with that knowledge everyday and I have planned out her funeral in my head over and over. No mom should have to do that.

    May God help our difficult child's.

    Nancy
     
  7. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh PG this is horrid. If they can pick her up I wonder if she can be put in psychiatric ward and detoxed? Maybe she can then we talked into a rehab. I hope you can find answers today. Saying prayers. (((Hugs))
     
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    PG... I have no words of wisdom but I have lots of gentle {{{{{HUGS}}}}} for you..
     
  9. Hope2

    Hope2 bluemoon

    Sending hugs...I know how your heart must be breaking....its so hard because when we find ourselves in these situations there never seems to be anyone to call that can give advise whether it be medical or legal..will keep you in my thoughts........
     
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am really hoping but a huge problem is that I don't know where she is. :(
     
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Just talked to the courthouse. Since I don't even know her location, there is nothing I can do. They said even if they could pick her up, all they would do is bring her to see a doctor. My hands are tied behind my back and I am watching my daughter die. Unfreakingbelievable.
     
  12. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    This truly is horrible for you. I'm so sorry.
     
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so, so sorry. I hope that she turns up soon.

    ~Kathy
     
  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh pg; I am reaching out and holding your hand. {hugs}
     
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Thank you all....it gets better. Just talked to the surgeon and there is nothing he can do either. He said the good thing is that she did have the surgery and so she does not need to take the antibiotics. He also said she would be able to pack the wound herself if she had a little help and he said if she doesn't take care of it, it will be slower to heal, but that is all. Lovely. Now, I have hit the wall and cannot go any further. God help her.
     
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Here is another fun fact that I forgot to mention. My friend told me that my daughter can log into a police department of a neighboring town as a police officer. She showed my friend that she could and my friend was shocked. difficult child told her she was given that information by the police officers that she sold dope to!!!!! Isn't that lovely??? Our tax dollars at work people...and here I was wondering how in the world difficult child has not been arrested for something by now. Especially when she has graduated to stealing cars and gift cards. Oh, yeah, driving past a motel the other day, difficult child pointed it out and said they buy gift cards. Somehow she and someone else steals them from Wal-Mart (I have NO idea how) and brings them to this motel where they will call and verify the amount on the card and buy the card for cash.

    difficult child will get NOTHING from me. Not for her birthday, Christmas, nothing. Nothing until she has gotten help and is clean.
     
  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry :(

    Nancy
     
  18. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    OMW, PG. I have heard about swapping gift cards for $, but I'd think they would have to be activated at the cash register first? Otherwise, anyone can just grab and run with thousands of dollars worth of gift cards every single day. Selling dope to cops? Also, why would she want to log in as a police officer - is that to contact the cops that she sells dope to? I can't even believe how frantic you've been over her wound and her state of mind. PG, I don't think she wants to die - I think she just wants to survive and somehow win the love of that dopey guy. Different con stories to different people to just move forward in the daily struggle to use drugs.
    It's so hard, but you must focus on easy child now.
     
  19. PG - I have no experience with substance abuse and a child. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

    I pray that you are able to get some kind of medical hold on her and can get her some help. Hopefully the fact that she is not taking her antibiotics and not caring for the wound is enough to get her held. I would think it should be.

    Big hugs for you!!!
     
  20. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    PG - I agree with others that there probably is nothing you can do at this point. These are her choices and her life... but you are clearly very scared that she is headed towards dying. I so get that as I am close to a similar place.

    So I will say this about the courts or at least some of them. The clerks who answer the phone often really don't want to bother with you and so will give you the quickest easiest answer possible. Like I said I don't know about your state and the laws there but I do know something about the situation here.

    Here you could go to court and meet with the court doctor yourself, let them know your serious concerns about her drug use. They would then put out a warrent of apprehension to pick her up wherever she is and when they found her they would bring her to the court to meet with the doctor. After meeting with her the doctor could make a recommendation to the judge whether it is worth sending her to some kind of rehab against her will. Now that is a fairly high standard to meet but given what you have said, and the fact that her drug of choice is meth, I think she might meet that standard... and it might be worth a shot. A lot will depend on the doctor.... but given where you are at with this it might help if you feel you have given it one last try.

    And then it will be time to let go and hope that somehow she finds her way.

    My heart is with you right now.

    TL
     
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