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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 576018" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I haven't read all the responses. I want to get my iinitial reaction to this down before I thought about what everyone else had to say. Mostly because it is a rather strong reaction on my part.</p><p></p><p></p><p>in my opinion if you and J stay where he is in this same school that has looked at him as an outsider and problem child it is going to end up being very bad for J in the long run. The teachers are doing as close to nothing as I think a teacher can do to make sure that J is learning. The reaction of the teachers seems to be that he is a problem, is not a 'good' child because he does not behave like the rest and is not submitting to their authoritarian approach. They are expecting J to change his style of learning to fit their learning model rather than making ANY attempts to change the way they are teaching so that J is more able to learn. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if the way they do things is good or bad or caring of not caring on an overall level. I DO know that they are dismissive of J's adhd issues and rather different view of the world than a typical child who does as he is told simply because someone told him to do whatever it is. If J stays in this school system where this seems to be the way things are done, he is going to grow up to HATE school and you are going to have to endure some MAJOR battles simply to keep him in school as a teen (if not before then). He is going to have severely daaged self esteem because the message the teacher is sending is that J somehow 'can't' learn and isn't worth the effort to even try to find a way to allow him to learn. Instead, the teacher is pretty much just allowing him to wander around essentially lost in his own mind while the other kids learn. This is BAD. NOT because J needs to wander, but because the teacher is not even attempting to figure out how to teach him. J will pay in major ways if this isn't changed. My child had 2 yrs of this and it took a long time to undo that fundamental lesson they taught him during those years. That fundamental lesson? You are not as good as the other kids and never will be so why should we bother to even try to help you. It is an ugly message and I have serious doubts that the school J is in now will EVER change to accommodate him.</p><p></p><p>I do think that the school system should be a major factor in your choice of places to live. It should not ever be the ONLY choice, but should be a major factor. </p><p></p><p>J is NOT stupid or unable to learn. Yes, most kids learn to read during first or second grade, but not all kids learn to read then. Some don't pick it up until a bit later and this is NOT NOT NOT a sign of how intelligent they are. It is more an issue of how they learn and what is going on in other areas of their lives. While J has a lovely home life, not at all what some children face, his learning style and in being a 'fish out of water' in your current town, can create some problems. He NEEDS teachers who are willing to take the lessons to him and present them in a way that makes sense to him. It doesn't really matter in the long run if he doesn't fit into their traditional, authoritarian style of education. What matters in the long run is figuring out what he needs to be able to learn and figuring out how to make that happen. Sadly, this town's authoritarian style is not likely to change and that means he is not very likely to learn the fundamentals that he needs while he is there.</p><p></p><p>I would not at all be surprised if J could tell you what was being said as he wandered around and seemngly did exactly what he wanted with no regard for what the teacher was saying. Wiz once went to a meeting of all the parents and kids who played a sport in a town we used to live in. Wiz was seven and spent the entire time rolling around on the floor in the back. The other kids were sitting in chairs seeming to listen (and I have no idea why as it was incredibly boring, lol). The man who was the head of the league was upset about Wiz' behavior and after the meeting started to jump on husband and I. We had tried to get him to sit, it isn't as though we just let him do what he wanted. This man was POSITIVE that Wiz didn't know the rules he had just outlined, etc.... Wiz then parroted back the entire list and discussed the pros, cons and loopholes of the rules. The man was truly astounded, as was husband. I wasn't, but I already was aware of the way Wiz heard everything no matter what (except when it came to chores or things he didn't want to do, of course!)</p><p></p><p>I know there are benefits to the town you live in. But J is not going to learn well there. He hasn't yet, and things are not going to just change miraculously after so many years of doing it they way they are. J is not going to miraculously change and be able to do thngs the way the school expects either. So the question is what outcome you want and how to get it. I don't know if another city in France or if going to Morocco or another country would be better. There are good and bad things about each option, so you have to figure out which is best for what you and J need. </p><p></p><p>J is a bright, funny, loving, intelligent child. Regardless of his school performance. I will not ever accept that he 'can't' learn. I thnk he can, but he needs different things than he has now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 576018, member: 1233"] I haven't read all the responses. I want to get my iinitial reaction to this down before I thought about what everyone else had to say. Mostly because it is a rather strong reaction on my part. in my opinion if you and J stay where he is in this same school that has looked at him as an outsider and problem child it is going to end up being very bad for J in the long run. The teachers are doing as close to nothing as I think a teacher can do to make sure that J is learning. The reaction of the teachers seems to be that he is a problem, is not a 'good' child because he does not behave like the rest and is not submitting to their authoritarian approach. They are expecting J to change his style of learning to fit their learning model rather than making ANY attempts to change the way they are teaching so that J is more able to learn. I don't know if the way they do things is good or bad or caring of not caring on an overall level. I DO know that they are dismissive of J's adhd issues and rather different view of the world than a typical child who does as he is told simply because someone told him to do whatever it is. If J stays in this school system where this seems to be the way things are done, he is going to grow up to HATE school and you are going to have to endure some MAJOR battles simply to keep him in school as a teen (if not before then). He is going to have severely daaged self esteem because the message the teacher is sending is that J somehow 'can't' learn and isn't worth the effort to even try to find a way to allow him to learn. Instead, the teacher is pretty much just allowing him to wander around essentially lost in his own mind while the other kids learn. This is BAD. NOT because J needs to wander, but because the teacher is not even attempting to figure out how to teach him. J will pay in major ways if this isn't changed. My child had 2 yrs of this and it took a long time to undo that fundamental lesson they taught him during those years. That fundamental lesson? You are not as good as the other kids and never will be so why should we bother to even try to help you. It is an ugly message and I have serious doubts that the school J is in now will EVER change to accommodate him. I do think that the school system should be a major factor in your choice of places to live. It should not ever be the ONLY choice, but should be a major factor. J is NOT stupid or unable to learn. Yes, most kids learn to read during first or second grade, but not all kids learn to read then. Some don't pick it up until a bit later and this is NOT NOT NOT a sign of how intelligent they are. It is more an issue of how they learn and what is going on in other areas of their lives. While J has a lovely home life, not at all what some children face, his learning style and in being a 'fish out of water' in your current town, can create some problems. He NEEDS teachers who are willing to take the lessons to him and present them in a way that makes sense to him. It doesn't really matter in the long run if he doesn't fit into their traditional, authoritarian style of education. What matters in the long run is figuring out what he needs to be able to learn and figuring out how to make that happen. Sadly, this town's authoritarian style is not likely to change and that means he is not very likely to learn the fundamentals that he needs while he is there. I would not at all be surprised if J could tell you what was being said as he wandered around and seemngly did exactly what he wanted with no regard for what the teacher was saying. Wiz once went to a meeting of all the parents and kids who played a sport in a town we used to live in. Wiz was seven and spent the entire time rolling around on the floor in the back. The other kids were sitting in chairs seeming to listen (and I have no idea why as it was incredibly boring, lol). The man who was the head of the league was upset about Wiz' behavior and after the meeting started to jump on husband and I. We had tried to get him to sit, it isn't as though we just let him do what he wanted. This man was POSITIVE that Wiz didn't know the rules he had just outlined, etc.... Wiz then parroted back the entire list and discussed the pros, cons and loopholes of the rules. The man was truly astounded, as was husband. I wasn't, but I already was aware of the way Wiz heard everything no matter what (except when it came to chores or things he didn't want to do, of course!) I know there are benefits to the town you live in. But J is not going to learn well there. He hasn't yet, and things are not going to just change miraculously after so many years of doing it they way they are. J is not going to miraculously change and be able to do thngs the way the school expects either. So the question is what outcome you want and how to get it. I don't know if another city in France or if going to Morocco or another country would be better. There are good and bad things about each option, so you have to figure out which is best for what you and J need. J is a bright, funny, loving, intelligent child. Regardless of his school performance. I will not ever accept that he 'can't' learn. I thnk he can, but he needs different things than he has now. [/QUOTE]
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