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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 576120" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thank you for all your thoughtful comments. Mattsmom, what you say is right, I think. The teacher also says that it is J's inability to concentrate for long on things he doesn't find interesting that are stopping him advancing in reading - at the same time, apparently he learns well when one to one with a teacher. So that in a sense seems to be an alternative to medications. I'm not totally opposed to giving medications a trial run but it is true that my reservations about them run quite deep, not just because of the side effects from which one cannot be totally free but because my way of viewing ADHD is possibly a bit different. Rather than "normality" being the only desirable position, I see ADHD as a difference that a child has that can be accommodated and learnt to be lived with - for me this would involve a more interesting journey and the acquisition of more valuable skills than just being medicated. I know, of course, the arguments about loss of self-esteem that arises through always being criticised and put down, etc, and they are valid ones. It's just that, whereas I hear other parents of ADHD kids in France saying that their kids really suffer from being ADHD and make comments about not understanding why they are different, hating themselves, etc, J has NEVER said anything like this. He seems not to see himself as different from others or as less than them, though he has sometimes got angry about being punished all the time at school (with the previous teacher) or told he is naughty. </p><p>Susiestar, the point you make is valid. The teacher seems really pretty clueless about special needs and flummoxed by the fact that J is apparently unlike any other child he has ever met. He seems a nice enough chap and I don't think he is particularly giving J a message that he is stupid or less than the others - J himself does not perceive that, unlike with the previous teacher. He says the teacher says he is very good at writing and at maths. But of course it could all be better. The thing is, the point of dilemma is, that J himself likes school so much and doesn't want to go anywhere else. Believe me, he would let me know if he wasn't happy - there was a nursery he went to in Morocco, aged 3, that he hated and he used to cry all the time, shriek in fact, insist he didn't want to go, grab hold of me and not let me go when I left him, etc... then he went to a different, French nursery with a very sympathetic teacher that he loved and a big space to play in and it was a very different experience. In terms of reading, J just doesn't like it, seems to find it really difficult. He is not reading in any meaningful sense. He will decipher syllables or even whole words when prompted, but never by himself - you have to be with him and encourage him for him to get that far. It seems to cause him real stress and he will start shrieking when I want to practise a little reading with him. French also has its difficulties for beginning readers (as English does too, like our crazy spelling!) and he is at a slight disadvantage for he has a smaller vocabulary than French kids of his age, because of also speaking English.</p><p>I really don't think J is treated like an outsider at the school. He is rejected by other parents when it comes to his hyperactivity, and that seems to be very standard. He is invited to few birthday parties, for example. I don't know whether it's because of his sociability and powerful personality, but he does not seem excluded by other children - the previous teacher once told me that J is charismatic and other children want to play with him. At any rate, if J himself hated school and was unhappy there, the decision would have been made... we simply wouldn't be there any more, given all the other factors. But routine and stability are so important for children, and I can see how his behaviour has improved over time, which I guess is related to this stability. I'm sure you understand my dilemma... I'm fed up with the village (population 500!), the insularity and gossip, the neighbours that I hear shouting the whole time, the lack of a garden, etc, etc... but J... is is happy as Larry here. Of course he might be happy as Larry somewhere else too, after a period of adaptation. It's just difficult to tear him away from his little world.</p><p>MWM, yes I think that things are going to get harder the more time goes on because school is very dry and academic here, not really geared to children. It does slightly depend on the teacher you get, of course. I don't think J is ever going to be an A student but he is bright in his own way and would probably fare well in a Montessori or alternative school. But you understand the problems of starting over and moving to a different part of France with absolutely no contacts, which we would have to do if he is to go to an alternative school...</p><p>A friend says I should try and dream about it, get inspiration from the stars <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 576120, member: 11227"] Thank you for all your thoughtful comments. Mattsmom, what you say is right, I think. The teacher also says that it is J's inability to concentrate for long on things he doesn't find interesting that are stopping him advancing in reading - at the same time, apparently he learns well when one to one with a teacher. So that in a sense seems to be an alternative to medications. I'm not totally opposed to giving medications a trial run but it is true that my reservations about them run quite deep, not just because of the side effects from which one cannot be totally free but because my way of viewing ADHD is possibly a bit different. Rather than "normality" being the only desirable position, I see ADHD as a difference that a child has that can be accommodated and learnt to be lived with - for me this would involve a more interesting journey and the acquisition of more valuable skills than just being medicated. I know, of course, the arguments about loss of self-esteem that arises through always being criticised and put down, etc, and they are valid ones. It's just that, whereas I hear other parents of ADHD kids in France saying that their kids really suffer from being ADHD and make comments about not understanding why they are different, hating themselves, etc, J has NEVER said anything like this. He seems not to see himself as different from others or as less than them, though he has sometimes got angry about being punished all the time at school (with the previous teacher) or told he is naughty. Susiestar, the point you make is valid. The teacher seems really pretty clueless about special needs and flummoxed by the fact that J is apparently unlike any other child he has ever met. He seems a nice enough chap and I don't think he is particularly giving J a message that he is stupid or less than the others - J himself does not perceive that, unlike with the previous teacher. He says the teacher says he is very good at writing and at maths. But of course it could all be better. The thing is, the point of dilemma is, that J himself likes school so much and doesn't want to go anywhere else. Believe me, he would let me know if he wasn't happy - there was a nursery he went to in Morocco, aged 3, that he hated and he used to cry all the time, shriek in fact, insist he didn't want to go, grab hold of me and not let me go when I left him, etc... then he went to a different, French nursery with a very sympathetic teacher that he loved and a big space to play in and it was a very different experience. In terms of reading, J just doesn't like it, seems to find it really difficult. He is not reading in any meaningful sense. He will decipher syllables or even whole words when prompted, but never by himself - you have to be with him and encourage him for him to get that far. It seems to cause him real stress and he will start shrieking when I want to practise a little reading with him. French also has its difficulties for beginning readers (as English does too, like our crazy spelling!) and he is at a slight disadvantage for he has a smaller vocabulary than French kids of his age, because of also speaking English. I really don't think J is treated like an outsider at the school. He is rejected by other parents when it comes to his hyperactivity, and that seems to be very standard. He is invited to few birthday parties, for example. I don't know whether it's because of his sociability and powerful personality, but he does not seem excluded by other children - the previous teacher once told me that J is charismatic and other children want to play with him. At any rate, if J himself hated school and was unhappy there, the decision would have been made... we simply wouldn't be there any more, given all the other factors. But routine and stability are so important for children, and I can see how his behaviour has improved over time, which I guess is related to this stability. I'm sure you understand my dilemma... I'm fed up with the village (population 500!), the insularity and gossip, the neighbours that I hear shouting the whole time, the lack of a garden, etc, etc... but J... is is happy as Larry here. Of course he might be happy as Larry somewhere else too, after a period of adaptation. It's just difficult to tear him away from his little world. MWM, yes I think that things are going to get harder the more time goes on because school is very dry and academic here, not really geared to children. It does slightly depend on the teacher you get, of course. I don't think J is ever going to be an A student but he is bright in his own way and would probably fare well in a Montessori or alternative school. But you understand the problems of starting over and moving to a different part of France with absolutely no contacts, which we would have to do if he is to go to an alternative school... A friend says I should try and dream about it, get inspiration from the stars :) [/QUOTE]
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