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General Parenting
Where to draw the line?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 32862" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Quote: I think he needs power and control and autonomy but in spite of years of therapy and teaching and trying to get him to understand how the real world works, he still opting for the easy way out. Much easier to "cast a spell" than be accountable and responsible for his own choices. Makes me very fearful for him.</p><p></p><p></p><p>All of us need control and autonomy. I don't think he is opting for the easy way out. I think he has a "brain wrinkle" and can see no other way out for himself. His oppositionality will not let him put down the defenses enough to try a different way. I'm not sure if it is anxiety,stubborness or stupidity that sabotages some of our kids but it's more complicated than willfulness. No one could want the lives they build for themselves unless they can find no other way to survive in the world. The misery of being away from home is minor to them compared to the structure that allows them to function. It isn't punishment(in their eyes) as much as a way for them to have a safe, structured environment. Strange but true in my difficult child case. So the belief in the magical seems to help them feel less vulnerable, less weak. How to keep them in reality while allowing them a way to feel less vulnerable is difficult. It's a work in progress for my difficult child. Every time he finds a way to solve a problem with or without help he seems less afraid. He is facing his anxiety one step at a time but I think it's a long road for some of our kids and it is not certain they will ever leave fantasy completely.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 32862, member: 3"] Quote: I think he needs power and control and autonomy but in spite of years of therapy and teaching and trying to get him to understand how the real world works, he still opting for the easy way out. Much easier to "cast a spell" than be accountable and responsible for his own choices. Makes me very fearful for him. All of us need control and autonomy. I don't think he is opting for the easy way out. I think he has a "brain wrinkle" and can see no other way out for himself. His oppositionality will not let him put down the defenses enough to try a different way. I'm not sure if it is anxiety,stubborness or stupidity that sabotages some of our kids but it's more complicated than willfulness. No one could want the lives they build for themselves unless they can find no other way to survive in the world. The misery of being away from home is minor to them compared to the structure that allows them to function. It isn't punishment(in their eyes) as much as a way for them to have a safe, structured environment. Strange but true in my difficult child case. So the belief in the magical seems to help them feel less vulnerable, less weak. How to keep them in reality while allowing them a way to feel less vulnerable is difficult. It's a work in progress for my difficult child. Every time he finds a way to solve a problem with or without help he seems less afraid. He is facing his anxiety one step at a time but I think it's a long road for some of our kids and it is not certain they will ever leave fantasy completely. [/QUOTE]
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