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General Parenting
Where to start with easy child, who's acting difficult child-ish (again)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 304279" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Both step and Janet gave very wise answers.</p><p></p><p>easy child must feel her life is almost totally out of her control and is at an age where a parent must either learn to be wily about controlling her or lose control all together. easy child is attempting to figure out what she can control and what she cannot and what methods work to control which people. It is part of what she needs to do at this age.</p><p></p><p>She also needs clear consequences for lying. At your house you need to let her know you are disappointed that she lies to her mom, disappointed that her mom does nothing about it, and you MUST decide a clear consequence for not asking for help, for not doing an assignment, and for lying. Lying needs the big HUGE consequence. Really HUGE.</p><p></p><p>Running laps, doing pushups, other exercise, or HARD LABOR (have her dig a hole in the back yard. Start with 3 feet by 3 feet and 3 feet deep. Then have her fill it in (maybe work compost into the soil with fertilizer so you can plant flowers there or put veggies there). After it is filled in have her dig another hole. ALL across the yard. If you plant veggies, weeding is another good chore.</p><p></p><p>Have her wash baseboards. ANy chore that involves hard work is a good consequence. I would steer away from anything relating to animals in case she starts to resent them and/or hurt them. At least for a while.</p><p></p><p>If it becomes to intrusive to family life, you may need to let school handle school problems. At some point it is more valuable to ignore the school problems and have family time than to wreck family time to enforce what school should be enforcing.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had easier advice. This was given to us by a very wise therapist. It WORKED for Wiz!!!! It is one of the major changes he got when he moved to my parents. That and my dad's incessant lectures and rambling - which drive Wiz up the wall.</p><p></p><p>good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 304279, member: 1233"] Both step and Janet gave very wise answers. easy child must feel her life is almost totally out of her control and is at an age where a parent must either learn to be wily about controlling her or lose control all together. easy child is attempting to figure out what she can control and what she cannot and what methods work to control which people. It is part of what she needs to do at this age. She also needs clear consequences for lying. At your house you need to let her know you are disappointed that she lies to her mom, disappointed that her mom does nothing about it, and you MUST decide a clear consequence for not asking for help, for not doing an assignment, and for lying. Lying needs the big HUGE consequence. Really HUGE. Running laps, doing pushups, other exercise, or HARD LABOR (have her dig a hole in the back yard. Start with 3 feet by 3 feet and 3 feet deep. Then have her fill it in (maybe work compost into the soil with fertilizer so you can plant flowers there or put veggies there). After it is filled in have her dig another hole. ALL across the yard. If you plant veggies, weeding is another good chore. Have her wash baseboards. ANy chore that involves hard work is a good consequence. I would steer away from anything relating to animals in case she starts to resent them and/or hurt them. At least for a while. If it becomes to intrusive to family life, you may need to let school handle school problems. At some point it is more valuable to ignore the school problems and have family time than to wreck family time to enforce what school should be enforcing. I wish I had easier advice. This was given to us by a very wise therapist. It WORKED for Wiz!!!! It is one of the major changes he got when he moved to my parents. That and my dad's incessant lectures and rambling - which drive Wiz up the wall. good luck. [/QUOTE]
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Where to start with easy child, who's acting difficult child-ish (again)
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