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Parent Emeritus
Whew/Phew . . . I have my empty nest back.
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 492417" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Nancy, I don't know what her angle is. I got upset with her because I felt like she didn't see the big picture. She defended her suite-mate who gave her car to a drug dealer as a "good person" when I pointed out that she shouldn't still be communicating with a drug dealer if she was in recovery. difficult child also keeps telling me that "everyone" there is still doing drugs. When I call her on it, she backtracks but insisits that some are still doing meth on the premises.</p><p></p><p>I think a lot of it is to try to get us to let her come home. I keep telling her that her goal should be that she can support herself and live on her own. Then she brought up getting government disability or housing. That's why I said I don't see a fundamental change in her personality. She is still trying to figure out angles.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, she was much more pleasant to be around and didn't steal anything. I guess that is a positive. She seems to think that it "proves" she has changed and should be allowed to move back home. I pointed out that she would have long periods before and then steal something so I have no way of knowing it wouldn't happen again.</p><p></p><p>She did say something interesting. I asked her why she stole from us and she blamed it on being intoxicated or high. I pointed out that the last time she took my credit card to go get beer and cigarettes she had been sober when she did it. She agreed so I again asked her why. She said that it was because she blamed us for being so strict with her while she was growing up and that we had caused her to be the way she was and therefore "owed" her things. She added, though, that she had been told in rehab that she had entitlement issues and that she didn't feel that way anymore especially since she had things stolen from her in rehab and didn't like how it felt.</p><p></p><p>I told her that it upset me that she was blaming us for her problems and she said that she was just being honest and that is what she thought we wanted. I replied that part of the twelve step program was supposed to help her stop blaming others and take responsibility for her actions. She said that she knew that and didn't blame us anymore.</p><p></p><p>I have a lot to process here.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 492417, member: 1967"] Nancy, I don't know what her angle is. I got upset with her because I felt like she didn't see the big picture. She defended her suite-mate who gave her car to a drug dealer as a "good person" when I pointed out that she shouldn't still be communicating with a drug dealer if she was in recovery. difficult child also keeps telling me that "everyone" there is still doing drugs. When I call her on it, she backtracks but insisits that some are still doing meth on the premises. I think a lot of it is to try to get us to let her come home. I keep telling her that her goal should be that she can support herself and live on her own. Then she brought up getting government disability or housing. That's why I said I don't see a fundamental change in her personality. She is still trying to figure out angles. On the other hand, she was much more pleasant to be around and didn't steal anything. I guess that is a positive. She seems to think that it "proves" she has changed and should be allowed to move back home. I pointed out that she would have long periods before and then steal something so I have no way of knowing it wouldn't happen again. She did say something interesting. I asked her why she stole from us and she blamed it on being intoxicated or high. I pointed out that the last time she took my credit card to go get beer and cigarettes she had been sober when she did it. She agreed so I again asked her why. She said that it was because she blamed us for being so strict with her while she was growing up and that we had caused her to be the way she was and therefore "owed" her things. She added, though, that she had been told in rehab that she had entitlement issues and that she didn't feel that way anymore especially since she had things stolen from her in rehab and didn't like how it felt. I told her that it upset me that she was blaming us for her problems and she said that she was just being honest and that is what she thought we wanted. I replied that part of the twelve step program was supposed to help her stop blaming others and take responsibility for her actions. She said that she knew that and didn't blame us anymore. I have a lot to process here. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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