After twenty years experience as a child abuse investigator I thought I'd been through everything there was, but i was wrong. It is soooooooooo different when it hits your OWN family. There are multiple obstacles that I want to discuss and hopefully get some good feed back on. So here goes.
The scenario is as follows. Stepdad - ex child abuse investigator - suffers from major depression, anxiety disorder/attacks, ptsd (mostly job related) but was also sexually abused as a child, suffers fibromyalgia of the 18 out of 18 tender point pain variety, sleep apnea, and peripheral neuropathy (of UNKNOWN origins....not diabetic). And various and assundry problems with getting older....smile
Mom-40 year old who suffers from type two diabetes and is on insulin but not very good about dietary control so that fluctuates often, she has thryroid problems, anxiety problems, ptsd (from childhood and adult trauma), sometimes has problems with what appears to be multiple personality or Borderline (BPD) but hasnt been diagnosed officially with either. She is not yet on Social Security Disability but does not work and would have a very difficult time working full time at anything due to mood swins and anxiety problems. She loves her son very much, but has a very hard time dealing with his bizarre and sometimes seemingly out of control behaviors.
Child- 8yr old male. diagnosed with ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and some other conduct or attachment disorder (uncertain of these). He has behaviors that at the very least seem bizarre and at times deliberately done to aggravate his mother or me. No form of discipline seems to work for any length of time (tried corporal punishment, time outs, spending time in corner, lecturing, reasoning, taking away privileges or toys or tv or easy child time. Nothing seems to work for very long periods of time at all. Basically a child that doesnt grasp the meaning of the word NO and shows little remorse at any of his actions. Although he can be loving and overly loving at times. He has also suffered sexual abuse by a cousing only slightly older than he and has recently disclosed oral and anal penetration sexual abuse by his 14yr old brother. No hard evidence of sexual abuse by his father or any other person. However, he has spent time being babysat by a perpetrator of sexual abuse against his mother and a maternal uncle by an older aunt. His behaviors have become more agrressivie recently and he has been verabalizing thoughts of suicide more frequently. He also suffers from many nightmares and has an obsession in one that his mother is burning up (which relates back to a home fire he and his mother survived but was started by him when he was searching for his cat under a couch with his mother's cigarette lighter instead of a flashlight. He survived pretty much intact but his mother was in a coma for smoke inhalation for two weeks. He is being treated now, but will be undergoing further testing (6 or so hours away from home and his mother is supposed to bring him even though she is without funds and transporation to do so. Failure to do so has been told by a social worker, could cause this child to be removed from his mother's custody for neglect.
There is no support from his deadbeat father who has nothing to do with the child and his lack of supervision between the two brothers led directly to the older one having the opportunity to abuse the younger one.
There is also very little support from any extended family members to help the mother with anything to do with caring for her child or for providing transportation or lodging when she has to make the lond distance evaluations with her son.
Anyone who is around this child, whether in school, on a hospital psychiatric unit or regular icu unit or family to babysitters all express frustration with dealing with his behavior. He has only two days ago started back on some Ritalin that doesnt really do much to help, either in school or at home.
I guess the initial question has to do with anyone's observations, experiences or opinions about this situation and the probability that his mother would be able to take appropriate care of him and provide the necessary transportation to counseling and evaluation sessions. It really IS that hard to get appropriate mental health help anywhere near where this famil resides as the area in the state of Maine is very very rural and sparce with a lack of population much less services.
The mother wants to be able to care for her son, because she loves him, even though his behavior often exhausts her to the point of anxiety attacks and heart pains (i forgot to mention that she has a potentially life threatening heart problem as well.
In my opinion it would take long years of an enclosed environment manned by expert counselors and doctors to be able to reach this child in such a way as to give him an opportunity for any successsful treatment and healthier changes in his behaviors.
I am asking for suggestions about any of this and for opinions of whether or not the child would be better off at home or out of the home in a specialized facility. One more thing, the child at times exhibits the normal behaviors of a precocious 8yr old, who can be very loving at times.
I, myself am unable to offer much support because of my own physical and emotional limitations, but I am very much in love with the child's mother and ideally would love to have a life with her (and with the child is he was better).
needing help in NC
The scenario is as follows. Stepdad - ex child abuse investigator - suffers from major depression, anxiety disorder/attacks, ptsd (mostly job related) but was also sexually abused as a child, suffers fibromyalgia of the 18 out of 18 tender point pain variety, sleep apnea, and peripheral neuropathy (of UNKNOWN origins....not diabetic). And various and assundry problems with getting older....smile
Mom-40 year old who suffers from type two diabetes and is on insulin but not very good about dietary control so that fluctuates often, she has thryroid problems, anxiety problems, ptsd (from childhood and adult trauma), sometimes has problems with what appears to be multiple personality or Borderline (BPD) but hasnt been diagnosed officially with either. She is not yet on Social Security Disability but does not work and would have a very difficult time working full time at anything due to mood swins and anxiety problems. She loves her son very much, but has a very hard time dealing with his bizarre and sometimes seemingly out of control behaviors.
Child- 8yr old male. diagnosed with ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and some other conduct or attachment disorder (uncertain of these). He has behaviors that at the very least seem bizarre and at times deliberately done to aggravate his mother or me. No form of discipline seems to work for any length of time (tried corporal punishment, time outs, spending time in corner, lecturing, reasoning, taking away privileges or toys or tv or easy child time. Nothing seems to work for very long periods of time at all. Basically a child that doesnt grasp the meaning of the word NO and shows little remorse at any of his actions. Although he can be loving and overly loving at times. He has also suffered sexual abuse by a cousing only slightly older than he and has recently disclosed oral and anal penetration sexual abuse by his 14yr old brother. No hard evidence of sexual abuse by his father or any other person. However, he has spent time being babysat by a perpetrator of sexual abuse against his mother and a maternal uncle by an older aunt. His behaviors have become more agrressivie recently and he has been verabalizing thoughts of suicide more frequently. He also suffers from many nightmares and has an obsession in one that his mother is burning up (which relates back to a home fire he and his mother survived but was started by him when he was searching for his cat under a couch with his mother's cigarette lighter instead of a flashlight. He survived pretty much intact but his mother was in a coma for smoke inhalation for two weeks. He is being treated now, but will be undergoing further testing (6 or so hours away from home and his mother is supposed to bring him even though she is without funds and transporation to do so. Failure to do so has been told by a social worker, could cause this child to be removed from his mother's custody for neglect.
There is no support from his deadbeat father who has nothing to do with the child and his lack of supervision between the two brothers led directly to the older one having the opportunity to abuse the younger one.
There is also very little support from any extended family members to help the mother with anything to do with caring for her child or for providing transportation or lodging when she has to make the lond distance evaluations with her son.
Anyone who is around this child, whether in school, on a hospital psychiatric unit or regular icu unit or family to babysitters all express frustration with dealing with his behavior. He has only two days ago started back on some Ritalin that doesnt really do much to help, either in school or at home.
I guess the initial question has to do with anyone's observations, experiences or opinions about this situation and the probability that his mother would be able to take appropriate care of him and provide the necessary transportation to counseling and evaluation sessions. It really IS that hard to get appropriate mental health help anywhere near where this famil resides as the area in the state of Maine is very very rural and sparce with a lack of population much less services.
The mother wants to be able to care for her son, because she loves him, even though his behavior often exhausts her to the point of anxiety attacks and heart pains (i forgot to mention that she has a potentially life threatening heart problem as well.
In my opinion it would take long years of an enclosed environment manned by expert counselors and doctors to be able to reach this child in such a way as to give him an opportunity for any successsful treatment and healthier changes in his behaviors.
I am asking for suggestions about any of this and for opinions of whether or not the child would be better off at home or out of the home in a specialized facility. One more thing, the child at times exhibits the normal behaviors of a precocious 8yr old, who can be very loving at times.
I, myself am unable to offer much support because of my own physical and emotional limitations, but I am very much in love with the child's mother and ideally would love to have a life with her (and with the child is he was better).
needing help in NC
