WHINE warning

[flutterby]

I just need to get this out. You don't need to read or respond. I'm just having a pity party for one - unless others want to join. You know..misery loves company and all that....

I feel like I've been hit by a truck and it backed up and rolled over me again. I'm so exhausted that I'm nauseous. But that doesn't always equal tired or sleepy. Joy.

I have an appointment Wed for more steroid shots. Yippee! 25 pounds lost will soon be found again. Going to need both shoulders done and either SI joints or hips - wherever the pain in that area is coming from. When I do sleep, I wake up a dozen times a night because of the pain.

I have an IEP meeting Thursday that needs *a lot* of changes now that difficult child is in high school and I am just mentally not there. I am losing my words left and right and sound like a bumbling idiot. Today it seems to be words that start with "E"; we'll see what it is tomorrow. Just for laughs and all. I'm taking easy child with me and requested that difficult child be present as well. I can't push back the meeting because her IEP expires the 18th. They offered to hold one without me then do it over when I could come in and we could change everything, but I asked them how they could possibly do that when they nothing about difficult child and all of the private testing information that I gave to the school is not in her sped file? After my previous experiences with elementary and middle school, I'm just not going to do that. I don't think the high school is going to be the same way, but better safe than sorry, right?

So, I have to somehow pull it together enough to completely redo her IEP from a home based education to traditional school education. And her IEP is up for reevaluation. So excited. Can't ya tell?

difficult child 2's therapist (who is also difficult child's therapist) told me that it will probably take jail for difficult child 2 to "get it". I agreed and told her that I don't think a 6 month stint will do it either. I think it will take hard time and even then it's iffy. (by the way, she has permission to talk to me about difficult child 2. She knows I'm part of his support team.) So, even though I knew that, hearing it from a professional who is an optimist was very disheartening.

Good news! easy child got the job! He will be working at the Kroger Distribution Center that is here in town. Decent pay for his age and skill level and benefits - his insurance runs out when he turns 19. He'll top out hourly wage in 30 months, so steady raises, and they said he'll get as much overtime as he wants. Thank you for the bead rattling! And as much as it stunk that he was unemployed, it was really the right time for him to be. I have been very dependent on him to get me to appointments and run errands. He hasn't complained a bit.

Ok. I think that's all for now. I just needed to get that out. Been kinda going in and out of depression for the last few days. Seems to be par for the course when I flare.

Thank you for listening.

 

[Star*]

Flutter,

Sometimes I think we as people think or perceive our life talk as whining. Maybe it is, maybe...it's just sharing our day with friends who understand and either can sit back and think a bevy of things for you from "I understand completely to I have no idea how you cope day to day." True, there are times when I even find my own self writing and then think....UGH - Oh good grief Star....your problems are soooo insignificant compared to, but you know what? They are my problems, and for the moment? They are huge and hard, and hairy and some days I think to myself I just do not want to deal with them and wish I could put them all in a bag and sit them out by the curb or had someone else in my life who could have handle everything for me. When there isn't? I come here - exhale, or I pray or I vent or I cry or heck - I feel sorry for myself and ya know what...?...It's okay. I get it. I think a lot of us "get it".

Sometimes each of our abilities to understand, cope and deal are better somedays than they are others. Sometimes each of our lifes circumstances make us able to look at someone else and say Svuck it up or Poor dear how awful......

SO today I hope you are having a lucid day as you go into the school and deal with the powers that be. I am really sorry that you lost all the weight you did and that there is no other idea in a doctors head other than steroids which will put back on weight and depress you further (I really know how that feels) I am rejoicing in your son getting a job because right now I wish more than anything that DUde would be able to be the kind of son that 'could' live with us because at the end of the month he's going to be homeless and has no employment in sight - SC is the 3rd highest unemployment state in the US and he's a convicted felon with no HS education, So when I say I'm happy for your son getting a job - I truly mean it. And as far as a professional telling you your difficult child 2 will most likely end up in jail? been there done that and yes, it is a reality that makes you just sick to your stomach and some days I had no idea how I'd survive it. I guess maybe gentle words from others here helped me get through it. Not fix it, not make it better, just support - that's all you have in moments like that - that and hope.

So dear one - Today while you are fuzzy, and hurting, and feel that no one could possibly understand where you are, how you feel, and what you are going through - it may be true - because your problems belong to you and you are coping with them the best way you know how -but DO know that somewhere out there is someone that cares and understands - and is thinking about you today.

Many hugs & Love
Star

 

[crazymama30]

Flutter, I agree with Star. You are not whining, you are telling us about your life.

I sure have been doing the same lately.

husband suffers from pain also, and it hoovers big time. In the psychiatric hospital he had to fight and argue to get his pain medications. I think the staff may view him as drug seeking, which he could be to a point--wouldn't you be drug seeking if you knew you were going to hurt like hel***?

Gentle hugs and a cyber shoulder to lean on. I think I am getting strong enough to offer that now.

You know this is the place you can vent, you can cry and rant and rave to. Life is unfair. I wish it wasn't, but it is.

In a perfect world I would not have to admit husband to psychiatric hospital, nor schedule all difficult child's appointment's when I can take him as I am never sure if husband will be able to get him there. In a perfect world no one would have a difficult child nor would all those blasted appointment's be necessary.

 

[Shari]

Aw, Flutter...I don't know how you do it, girl. Day in and day out of ANYTHING wears on me, even if its something that's good. I can't even fathom a walk in your shoes.

Whine away. I'll get some cheese.

Glad for easy child and the job, tho.

Sending some extra hugs for a peaceful, hurt-less day.

 

[Hound dog]

Heather...........my freind.............

Guess what I got on the 3 quizes I had to take on terminology for the urinary system today?? I did not study. I didn't even read the chapter.

Wanna guess?

Three 100 percents. I'm not bragging neither.

I got 100 only because I kid you not all the questions either concerned dxes I have, procedures I've had done, or conditions I've found myself in. I didn't need to look at the book.

Now doesn't that make a person feel good.

Naw, you're not whiney. It's just a typical day in the life of someone with a chronic illness. Once they get that illness under control or miracle of miracles you get lucky enough it calms down enough you can for the most part assume a "normalish" life.........You savor every moment cuz you don't know how long it's gonna last.

But in the meantime.......all too often when you go to just tell someone how a typical day is.......it comes off sounding whiney. When in fact for you it is a typical day.

Most people try to understand, but I've discovered in all the years with the kidney disease.......they don't really get it unless they've experienced it, much as they may try to. Even care givers who get quite a bit of insight into chronic illness still don't get what comes from having one.

Know what I mean?? Of course you do. You've got a chronic illness. lol

At least if you gotta gain 20 lbs I hope those steroid shots help.

Congrats to easy child!! And I hope difficult child's IEP meeting goes well. I hated the one's for hs.

((hugs))

 

[DammitJanet]

Sorry you are in a flare. been there done that so many times. Have you thought about a pain management center? I just found a new one that opened up here in town and I am considering getting a referral to it. Chewing on the idea.

I know how much you dislike the steroid shots. I do too but sometimes we just have to do them. I did the lower back series before I went to Jamies and it helped. For how long, well we shall see. It never lasts as long as they hope. I also got one in my ankle that hurt like hell later that evening. It was a piece of cake when I got it done but hurt later for some reason. First time that has happened to me. Odd. But now my ankle does feel about 75% better. I hate how they ask me to rate how much better it feels...lol. I dont know...some!

I have done my hips before and it was fairly easy. It was no way as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was scared to death but I didnt feel a thing so dont worry. It wasnt as bad as my knees and I do them so often I am used to them. I dont even flinch when they come at me with great big nasty needles! LOL. Yes I am in the middle of the gel shots right now. Once a week. Only two more weeks to go and then hopefully I get 3 months of relief. Or maybe 4 if I am very lucky. They call us the WD40 gang when they call us back...lol.

 

[hearts and roses]

I'm so sorry - sending lots of extremely gentle and warm, but not too warm, hugs your way. I will keep you in my thoughts.

I'm saving my whine for another time.

 

[Star*]

Three 100 percents. I'm not bragging neither.

(um.....nooooooo not bragging. I'm the teachers pet. I don't study and I'm smart as a whip. I never cracked a book and I got all A's. I'm little miss smarty pants looly loo....neener neener...) Ish. Ya gotta love her though - she is rather brilliant. Maybe we should call her DaisyEinstein?

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry so much is piling up on your shoulders. Your sore shoulders. It hoovers.

I had to choose between not being able to think or say the right words, having them sit just out of reach of my memory but taking a medication that would help with the nerve pain or dealing with the pain and being able to ask the kids to do something or order coffee at a restaurant.

The day I stopped was the day I took 3 MINUTES to order a cup of coffee. I just could NOT get the word coffee to come out of my mouth. I finally ordered a container of brown liquid, not cold but that other thing. The one in the pot.

Tyler thought this was INCREDIBLY entertaining. Jess wasn't with us, it was just thank you and I. The lady at McD's thought I had been trying pot, not wanting something that came out of a pot!!!

I just couldn't take it. I couldn't even order a coke cause that wouldn't even come into my brain.

I hope they can get you on a medication that is affordable AND controls the pain. I am now trying to fit a dose of the pain medication I am on 5 times into a 24 hour day. It does make me somewhat goofy if I end up not sleeping. Since Jess is in asking for help several times a night - nights are REALLY bad for her - I don't sleep a whole lot at one time.

I am glad that mostly I can push her inhaler for her, rub her back, hold her while she shakes uncontrollably, and open her pill box and hold the water bottle or cup so she can take medications or drink.

It can get painful to do those things, but they are things she CAN'T do. I do have to limit the time I spend holding her because any rhythmic shaking makes me vomit. I hide the phenergan I take to combat that so she doesn't see me taking it.

Star is right. It may feel like whining to YOU but it ISN"T. It is just getting some support for your day.

Don't you HATE that every blinking person in the WORLD asks you how you are doing every time you see or talk to them? What am I supposed to say? Carpy and every movement makes me want to scream in pain or barf from it?

Here you are with women with tough kids, who understand the problems from the IEP meetings, with similar budget problems, and also with chronic and constant pain issues.

Crazymama talks about her hubby having to BEG for his pain medications. It is so wrong, but they probably decided he was an addict before he even checked in. That is where the healthcare system fails us. If you are in constant pain of course you are going to have drug seeking behaviors. Duh. You want to stop hurting.

But that is too logical for doctors to understand.

So you have all my understanding for your husband and his problems. It really stinks like a dead skunk laying on the side of a road in the heat of an Oklahoma summer.

My hugs to ALL of us today. Lots of gentle gentle ones!

 

[Hound dog]

um.....nooooooo not bragging. I'm the teachers pet. I don't study and I'm smart as a whip. I never cracked a book and I got all A's. I'm little miss smarty pants looly loo....neener neener...)

My point was I've had sooooooooo much done with my kidneys......it's something I don't really need to study. I'd rather I wasn't and needed to crack the books about this subject as much as the others.

And smartie pants only got 88's on my last 2 tests that I studied my fanny off for. So there. LMAO!

DaisyEinstein.......My kids would split a rib laughing over that one.

Me, I'm the brain dead one.

lol

 

[flutterby]

Ladies, you brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for understanding and for your compassion. You really don't know how much it means.

I sometimes hesitate to post things like this because I feel like I'm whining and there are so many that have it worse, and people get tired of hearing it.

I ended up hurting easy child's girlfriend on Monday because she was going to take me to run an errand while easy child picked difficult child up from school and I told easy child I wanted him to take me. He asked me why and I said I just wanted him to. Because I get so tired, so embarrassed, and feeling like I'm whining to say, "Because my balance is really bad and I can't use my cane because of my shoulder and I need you to hold onto me."

Thank you so much.

And, Lisa, I'm sorry you got a 100% on your 3 quizzes the way you did. I wish you had to study and get an 88%.

 

[KTMom91]

Hoping today is a better, pain-free day for you. Many hugs.