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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 347843" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree - minute the meeting. Make the minutes as clear and concise as possible. Have an agenda before you go in, make sure every item is addressed. Any "business arising" - note it down and deal with it. If this slows down the meeting while you write - so be it. It is what you have to do.</p><p></p><p>This would also make him far more accountable for what he says and also show tat you are serious about wanting to help difficult child; you are determined to get information down correctly and not just nitpick (which seems to be one thing they're accusing you of) and in general, it puts everything on a more business-like footing.</p><p></p><p>You've mentioned some genuine concerns here, things which should be easily rectified by simply bringing them up and asking for clarification. For example, PO said that if you cancel a meeting you will be hauled in as non-compliant, but he also indicated some wiggle room. This needs to be in writing. Note down what he says, ask him to confirm it because what you have heard seems contradictory, and "since I clearly must have misunderstood you, kind sir, I need to be certain I have got tis down correctly. I don't want to jeopardise my son's chance at success."</p><p></p><p>Then at the end of it all, note that this is the record of the meeting between you both on such-and-such a date, give him a copy and ask him to notify you in writing if any of it is incorrect. In fact, put this at the end of your minutes - "I have given PO a copy of these notes and have asked him to notify me in writing if there are any corrections needed."</p><p></p><p>This works. I know it seems like a lot of trouble, but given the amount of time you have had wasted already, in the long run this saves a lot of time and heartache. All the time wasted is also time in your son's life being wasted.</p><p></p><p>I also have had various officials giving me the runaround and telling me one thing but meaning another, then later on denying that they ever said what I know they said. And when you're getting mixed messages, especially over stuff that is important, you NEED to nail it down in writing.</p><p></p><p>For example, the choices he gave you about appointments - he clearly said, "You have to do this - or would you rather do that?"</p><p>He never expected, or wanted, you to say, "I'll do that," it was meant to be rhetorical. That's why he said, "Well, you can't." It was at that point you should have said to him, "Excuse me - you just offered me two choices, I made a choice and now you're telling me it was never on the table? Please be consistent. If you fail to be clear and consistent in your instructions then how can I be certain I will get it right?"</p><p></p><p>It IS possible to be polite when you do this. You're merely asking for clarification. If he begins to get hot under the collar, don't back down, but neither should you let it happen. You simply say, "excuse me, but no offence was intended. This is too important for personalities to get in the way. This is my son's welfare here, I ask you these questions because I have to be sure I have got tis down right. Please bear with me if I am not as smart as you are, I need a little more time to make sure I fully understand you."</p><p></p><p>But from here on, put it all in writing. In front of them. If they will let you, record all meetings. Tell them you need to, in order to be certain you have got it right. You can't always get all the information you need and may need to play it back in order to fully benefit from every scrap of their wise advice.</p><p></p><p>If they let you record it, then transcribe it and present them with a transcript. Or give them a copy of the tape (MP3 file).</p><p></p><p>Whatever method you use, give them a copy as soon as possible and ask them to make sure it is, in their mind, a true and accurate record. It's got to be an "opt out" clause - if they fail to inform you of any errors, it must be considered to be correct by default.</p><p></p><p>Now go get 'em!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 347843, member: 1991"] I agree - minute the meeting. Make the minutes as clear and concise as possible. Have an agenda before you go in, make sure every item is addressed. Any "business arising" - note it down and deal with it. If this slows down the meeting while you write - so be it. It is what you have to do. This would also make him far more accountable for what he says and also show tat you are serious about wanting to help difficult child; you are determined to get information down correctly and not just nitpick (which seems to be one thing they're accusing you of) and in general, it puts everything on a more business-like footing. You've mentioned some genuine concerns here, things which should be easily rectified by simply bringing them up and asking for clarification. For example, PO said that if you cancel a meeting you will be hauled in as non-compliant, but he also indicated some wiggle room. This needs to be in writing. Note down what he says, ask him to confirm it because what you have heard seems contradictory, and "since I clearly must have misunderstood you, kind sir, I need to be certain I have got tis down correctly. I don't want to jeopardise my son's chance at success." Then at the end of it all, note that this is the record of the meeting between you both on such-and-such a date, give him a copy and ask him to notify you in writing if any of it is incorrect. In fact, put this at the end of your minutes - "I have given PO a copy of these notes and have asked him to notify me in writing if there are any corrections needed." This works. I know it seems like a lot of trouble, but given the amount of time you have had wasted already, in the long run this saves a lot of time and heartache. All the time wasted is also time in your son's life being wasted. I also have had various officials giving me the runaround and telling me one thing but meaning another, then later on denying that they ever said what I know they said. And when you're getting mixed messages, especially over stuff that is important, you NEED to nail it down in writing. For example, the choices he gave you about appointments - he clearly said, "You have to do this - or would you rather do that?" He never expected, or wanted, you to say, "I'll do that," it was meant to be rhetorical. That's why he said, "Well, you can't." It was at that point you should have said to him, "Excuse me - you just offered me two choices, I made a choice and now you're telling me it was never on the table? Please be consistent. If you fail to be clear and consistent in your instructions then how can I be certain I will get it right?" It IS possible to be polite when you do this. You're merely asking for clarification. If he begins to get hot under the collar, don't back down, but neither should you let it happen. You simply say, "excuse me, but no offence was intended. This is too important for personalities to get in the way. This is my son's welfare here, I ask you these questions because I have to be sure I have got tis down right. Please bear with me if I am not as smart as you are, I need a little more time to make sure I fully understand you." But from here on, put it all in writing. In front of them. If they will let you, record all meetings. Tell them you need to, in order to be certain you have got it right. You can't always get all the information you need and may need to play it back in order to fully benefit from every scrap of their wise advice. If they let you record it, then transcribe it and present them with a transcript. Or give them a copy of the tape (MP3 file). Whatever method you use, give them a copy as soon as possible and ask them to make sure it is, in their mind, a true and accurate record. It's got to be an "opt out" clause - if they fail to inform you of any errors, it must be considered to be correct by default. Now go get 'em! Marg [/QUOTE]
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