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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 347875" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks for the support, Ladies! Marg, I did exactly what you are suggesting shortly after the initial papers were signed between the PO and me. I had a gut feeling afterwards that I'd made a mistake by signing them so readily because it was a standard form saying the intent was for difficult child to come home, and that part was fine, but then it said that "these parole requirements have been developed with the guardian". Ok, they had NOT been developed with me. Now, one might thinkk that this is a specific PO issue if they really didn't coordinate things with a parent and come to a mutual agreement- the way the form would make it appear by using that wording. However, at the end of the form there is an area where the PO signs if the parent refuses to sign that form. What that tells me is that it's not uncommon for a parent to refuse to sign. What I'm leading to is that they know wwhat they are doing - the twisting of words and so forth is intentional and meant to manipualte- or they would ssay, keep the parent and kid in line. They expect the parent to act like they are on parole, too. This PO had convinced me that it had just been the previous one and he wasn't that way, but clearly he is.</p><p></p><p>Example: The woman called last week and introduced herself asa the mentor's super and said she wanted to come by the afternoon difficult child got released and asked if I had any questions about their therapuetic mentoring. I asked a couple of questions about it- I hear back from PO that "sorry- YOU (being me) can't choose every person that's going to be involved in your son's life". Why? because I asked what specificaly made their program therapuetic- were there tdocs or what? Clearly, they have me labeled over there. From my standpoint, don't call acting nice and agreeable and asking if I have questions if what you really mean is "this is your order, got it?" and you expect a "yes, sir" answer or else the person is being difficult. Plus, he was tic'd because I had said the afternoon difficult child got released was not a good time- it was overwhelming. When I called and told him this, he acted like it was ok. When I saw him in his office, he accused me of not allowing him to monitor difficult child because the mentor was to help him monitor difficult child at home and in the community. Ok, well the lady didn't call and say she needed to stop by and make sure difficult child was home- she said she needed to work out a schedule with me for mentoring. This mentoring program is speiciifcally for monitoring/transitioning difficult child's coming out of Department of Juvenile Justice- the super didn't make an oversight, I feel sure. My guess is that they are used to parents who don't want to be agreeable with the monitoring so she presented it to me like they were just mentors. But see, if they would just stop trying to manipulate me and tell me what it is really then I would have had no problem with her stopping by to check on difficult child, and I told PO that, but I simply can't commit to a schedule until I know difficult child's school requirements.</p><p></p><p>Here'sa where it became more than clear that PO was BS'iong me;: He had been saying that he knew nothing about what heppened before with previouis PO and I should trust him and give him a chance and be willing to start anew for difficult child's sake. The minute this subject came up in his office, he said to me "every time someone orders something that requires someone to come to your home, you start making excuses, throw up your arms, and refuse it". That is what the previous PO claimed- and so the GAL then claimed it because the PO claimed it. It was a lie. I had even told current PO about this in the past. Where does that claim come from? GAL suggesting MST be ordered because she assumed that's what difficult child's psychiatrist would recommend- she did not however actually ever call difficult child's psychiatrist to ask because psychiatrist told me she never talked to him once. Anyway, the judge ordered it- I did not refuse it but after difficult child's MDE report where it recommended a treatment in writing, instead of that PO and GAL being willing to ask judge to remove the order for MST so I could get that treatment, they made me go thru a court proceeding, which I did. The judge did change the order. But the PO and GAL have repeatedly presented this to DSS and the judge at later times as me refusing to follow PO orders and allow MST. IOW, I think it's a control thing. Oh- the MST guy works in the same building as them and he claimed he would schedule times with me in order to be convenient for both of us. Then he call one day and said he would be at my house the next day a a certain time and that was the only time that week he had available. About the third time he did that, I realized that the claim that he would coordinate schedules was really BS- he would threaten to report noncompliance to PO if I said I couldn't meet at that time. Then last year when I was trying to meet with county team and get approval and funding for difficult child to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), they got that PO involved and she ordered in home therapy instead and threatened to take me to judge. She knew at that point that difficult child had become violent and was self-mutilating. Within about a week difficult child had pulled the knife on me. PO claimed I refused that in home therapy- that inhome therapy hadn't even had time to start. The PO had given me the paper on it with contact info the very day difficult child pulled the knife- I had explained all this to the current PO before because I knew there were lies being told but the dates on the papers prove it. When he started spewing out stuff yesterday, he threw out a couple of statements that sounded like threats to tell a judge that I refused this mentor. This makes me think that they use the threat of misrepresenting things, too, to keep a parent doing what they want. And claiming that it was my fault difficult child can't get better because I kept refusing things and being noncompliant. I said seriously, if he was going off that much over me telling someone claiming only to be a mentor/super that coming over 2 hours after difficult child gets home is not a good time then we are going to have a serious problem here.</p><p></p><p>Since I have seen a PO use that metthod of saying things to make it sound like they are so agreeable and nice and making all this effort, but their actions are really that they expect you to jump when they say jump, and then a MST guy was that way, now this mentor's super and this PO are that way- this is their method of behavior mod for the parent, apparently. Honestly, I do resent being treated this way as a result of difficult child pulling a knife on me- I didn't break the law. But because I'm his parent, I end feeling like I'm on parole. I feel that way because I'm being treated that way. Further, when I spilled all this out to PO and said it was obvious after a few years that this is the method of working with parents because all of them over there use the same buzz words to get the parent on board, then turn it into a threat of noncomplpiance if a parent actually expects them to coordinate a schedule or explain a service or whatever because ALL of them I have worked with over their use the EXACT same phrases and buzz words. He laughed. Then he claimed that no other parent was as difficult as me- he went thru this show and pulled open his file cabinet and said out of all those cases no one has ever questioned one of his orders and that I was just difficult because he had one case where the guardian was a 70-80 yo woman raising five kids plus having two jobs and she had more orders then me and difficult child and she found a way to do it and never complained. (Maybe she can adopt difficult child. LOL!)</p><p></p><p>Then after all that c**** he went thru and put me thru, he said it would be fine to let difficult child wait until the end of the following week to start with a mentor. Fine- but exactly what is the point of putting me thru all that just to get to that point? I'd bet money that when the person shows up to "coordinate schedules" it will be more of a "these are the days and times we will be here".</p><p></p><p>Now what do I do this week when difficult child go in there immediately after his release? This is when I have to sign the parole plan that will also say "it was developed WITH the guardian" and the guardian is "signing in agreement", making the parent non compliant if not followed. In actualty, those are the orders- that will have NO specifics. It's a form that has small areas to get checked off or filled in- for instance "mentor", but no area to specify time requirements, etc. I previously told PO and had wriitten in that letter to him months ago that I would not sign that until the specifics were worked out and in writing. My gut tells me though that if I don't sign with difficult child sitting right there, he will tell us that then difficult child can't come home and he'll have him taken over to the detention center and locked up there, telling difficult child it's my fault because I'm refusing to follow thru with the plans he has in place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 347875, member: 3699"] Thanks for the support, Ladies! Marg, I did exactly what you are suggesting shortly after the initial papers were signed between the PO and me. I had a gut feeling afterwards that I'd made a mistake by signing them so readily because it was a standard form saying the intent was for difficult child to come home, and that part was fine, but then it said that "these parole requirements have been developed with the guardian". Ok, they had NOT been developed with me. Now, one might thinkk that this is a specific PO issue if they really didn't coordinate things with a parent and come to a mutual agreement- the way the form would make it appear by using that wording. However, at the end of the form there is an area where the PO signs if the parent refuses to sign that form. What that tells me is that it's not uncommon for a parent to refuse to sign. What I'm leading to is that they know wwhat they are doing - the twisting of words and so forth is intentional and meant to manipualte- or they would ssay, keep the parent and kid in line. They expect the parent to act like they are on parole, too. This PO had convinced me that it had just been the previous one and he wasn't that way, but clearly he is. Example: The woman called last week and introduced herself asa the mentor's super and said she wanted to come by the afternoon difficult child got released and asked if I had any questions about their therapuetic mentoring. I asked a couple of questions about it- I hear back from PO that "sorry- YOU (being me) can't choose every person that's going to be involved in your son's life". Why? because I asked what specificaly made their program therapuetic- were there tdocs or what? Clearly, they have me labeled over there. From my standpoint, don't call acting nice and agreeable and asking if I have questions if what you really mean is "this is your order, got it?" and you expect a "yes, sir" answer or else the person is being difficult. Plus, he was tic'd because I had said the afternoon difficult child got released was not a good time- it was overwhelming. When I called and told him this, he acted like it was ok. When I saw him in his office, he accused me of not allowing him to monitor difficult child because the mentor was to help him monitor difficult child at home and in the community. Ok, well the lady didn't call and say she needed to stop by and make sure difficult child was home- she said she needed to work out a schedule with me for mentoring. This mentoring program is speiciifcally for monitoring/transitioning difficult child's coming out of Department of Juvenile Justice- the super didn't make an oversight, I feel sure. My guess is that they are used to parents who don't want to be agreeable with the monitoring so she presented it to me like they were just mentors. But see, if they would just stop trying to manipulate me and tell me what it is really then I would have had no problem with her stopping by to check on difficult child, and I told PO that, but I simply can't commit to a schedule until I know difficult child's school requirements. Here'sa where it became more than clear that PO was BS'iong me;: He had been saying that he knew nothing about what heppened before with previouis PO and I should trust him and give him a chance and be willing to start anew for difficult child's sake. The minute this subject came up in his office, he said to me "every time someone orders something that requires someone to come to your home, you start making excuses, throw up your arms, and refuse it". That is what the previous PO claimed- and so the GAL then claimed it because the PO claimed it. It was a lie. I had even told current PO about this in the past. Where does that claim come from? GAL suggesting MST be ordered because she assumed that's what difficult child's psychiatrist would recommend- she did not however actually ever call difficult child's psychiatrist to ask because psychiatrist told me she never talked to him once. Anyway, the judge ordered it- I did not refuse it but after difficult child's MDE report where it recommended a treatment in writing, instead of that PO and GAL being willing to ask judge to remove the order for MST so I could get that treatment, they made me go thru a court proceeding, which I did. The judge did change the order. But the PO and GAL have repeatedly presented this to DSS and the judge at later times as me refusing to follow PO orders and allow MST. IOW, I think it's a control thing. Oh- the MST guy works in the same building as them and he claimed he would schedule times with me in order to be convenient for both of us. Then he call one day and said he would be at my house the next day a a certain time and that was the only time that week he had available. About the third time he did that, I realized that the claim that he would coordinate schedules was really BS- he would threaten to report noncompliance to PO if I said I couldn't meet at that time. Then last year when I was trying to meet with county team and get approval and funding for difficult child to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), they got that PO involved and she ordered in home therapy instead and threatened to take me to judge. She knew at that point that difficult child had become violent and was self-mutilating. Within about a week difficult child had pulled the knife on me. PO claimed I refused that in home therapy- that inhome therapy hadn't even had time to start. The PO had given me the paper on it with contact info the very day difficult child pulled the knife- I had explained all this to the current PO before because I knew there were lies being told but the dates on the papers prove it. When he started spewing out stuff yesterday, he threw out a couple of statements that sounded like threats to tell a judge that I refused this mentor. This makes me think that they use the threat of misrepresenting things, too, to keep a parent doing what they want. And claiming that it was my fault difficult child can't get better because I kept refusing things and being noncompliant. I said seriously, if he was going off that much over me telling someone claiming only to be a mentor/super that coming over 2 hours after difficult child gets home is not a good time then we are going to have a serious problem here. Since I have seen a PO use that metthod of saying things to make it sound like they are so agreeable and nice and making all this effort, but their actions are really that they expect you to jump when they say jump, and then a MST guy was that way, now this mentor's super and this PO are that way- this is their method of behavior mod for the parent, apparently. Honestly, I do resent being treated this way as a result of difficult child pulling a knife on me- I didn't break the law. But because I'm his parent, I end feeling like I'm on parole. I feel that way because I'm being treated that way. Further, when I spilled all this out to PO and said it was obvious after a few years that this is the method of working with parents because all of them over there use the same buzz words to get the parent on board, then turn it into a threat of noncomplpiance if a parent actually expects them to coordinate a schedule or explain a service or whatever because ALL of them I have worked with over their use the EXACT same phrases and buzz words. He laughed. Then he claimed that no other parent was as difficult as me- he went thru this show and pulled open his file cabinet and said out of all those cases no one has ever questioned one of his orders and that I was just difficult because he had one case where the guardian was a 70-80 yo woman raising five kids plus having two jobs and she had more orders then me and difficult child and she found a way to do it and never complained. (Maybe she can adopt difficult child. LOL!) Then after all that c**** he went thru and put me thru, he said it would be fine to let difficult child wait until the end of the following week to start with a mentor. Fine- but exactly what is the point of putting me thru all that just to get to that point? I'd bet money that when the person shows up to "coordinate schedules" it will be more of a "these are the days and times we will be here". Now what do I do this week when difficult child go in there immediately after his release? This is when I have to sign the parole plan that will also say "it was developed WITH the guardian" and the guardian is "signing in agreement", making the parent non compliant if not followed. In actualty, those are the orders- that will have NO specifics. It's a form that has small areas to get checked off or filled in- for instance "mentor", but no area to specify time requirements, etc. I previously told PO and had wriitten in that letter to him months ago that I would not sign that until the specifics were worked out and in writing. My gut tells me though that if I don't sign with difficult child sitting right there, he will tell us that then difficult child can't come home and he'll have him taken over to the detention center and locked up there, telling difficult child it's my fault because I'm refusing to follow thru with the plans he has in place. [/QUOTE]
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