White Water Rafting - that is how I feel my life w/ gfg16 is. You've got the mild water, where you just float further, then the rough rapids where you are afraid you will fall out of the boat, and of course there's the waterfalls that we fall down (depressed cycles). But sadly, I don't feel like I've got a life jacket on, as no one really offers any real help anymore. I also have a hard time seeing the end of this white water ride, or even just a detour to calmer water would be nice. Currently it seems like we are rafting above the sharp rocks, with lots of defiance. Lots, being almost an understatement. So while my kids and I sit mercifully on this raft, I am also supposed to help teach and parent my younger two kiddos. My youngest has overcome several behavior issues (all of which are mostly learned behaviors from seeing her oldest sib, BUT the BIG difference is this youngest CAN and DOES CHANGE!), however she has 2 more to overcome, well one's a fear and one's a behavior. So we try to work on it. She's working on controlling and dealing with her anger in a more acceptable way instead of the verbal way she does now. Day 1, yesterday, she did well. I helped her along when I could tell she needed it. I told her good job when she really held it together and walked away from her older sib instead of verbally lashing out, even when she would deep breathe on her own. Me doing this totally enraged the oldest sib, gfg16. gfg said things like 'oh yeah she's so perfect' (sorry, but I never said that). Or 'how come she's getting all the praise' (i'll say this here, but didn't to her, but DUH! She was actually trying and being successful and changing herself around). Tonight I feel stuck. How can I continue to help my youngest be successful at changing her behaviors and fear around, when we have gfg16 attacking the progress? I can't be certain, but it seemed like today gfg16 purposely tried to set off the youngest several times, just to watch her get mad. I'm nervous about when my youngest tries again to address her fear, that gfg16 will sabotage it, yet again - because honestly gfg16 is the one that help set in the fear into the youngest. In case anyone does wonder, I do normally & regularly praise my kids when they do positives/good things, it's a natural instinct now. But I do it more so when one of the kids is working on something to encourage them to continue. Tossing this in this mess, but I got just under 700 days until gfg16 is over 18 AND hopefully graduated from high school - then I hope we can get off this raft or at least swim along side it.