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Who is this difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 328230" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Star, it sounds like you've reached the epiphone (sp) I did with Travis.</p><p> </p><p> The horrendous abuse by his 5th kid teacher ran it home to me just how excessively hard I was always being on the boy when honestly I didn't mean to be. I'd gotten so caught up in his behaviors and such that I'd basically stopped giving him any praise at all. Heck, I could barely stand to live with the kid. So I began to make deliberate effort to find moments when I could praise him. I took extra pains to remember to say I love you, to give hugs and the like. I went out of my way to spend time with him and make certain he was being included in other family activities. (due to behavior and his autism usually he was outside looking in) I forced myself to stay focused on his good traits, because he really does have an awful lot of them.</p><p> </p><p>At the time I didn't care if it improved his behavior or not. Home is someone's safe haven from the rest of the world. It is supposed to be a special place filled with love and acceptance. Parents are meant to love their kids unconditionally. (in my opinion) And because I had been in a constant state of reaction to Travis' behavior.......he'd lost his safe haven, acceptance, and feeling of being loved along the way. Because unfortunately the family had followed my lead and were also simply reacting to his behavior.</p><p> </p><p>For Travis it made an enormous difference. Many of the behaviors were still there. (and still are) But his attitude changed. He started smiling again. He tried harder. He wanted to do better for himself and for us. And honestly it made living with him such a much nicer environment.</p><p> </p><p>Sure some of Dude's new attitude could be he's wishing for a xmas miracle. (there is that little kid in all of us) But I don't think so. He started his old routine and it didn't work. Mom and Dad have changed. Maybe the blow up opened his eyes a bit to your side of things. (he is growing up) Maybe that visit with bio-dad had more impact on him than you'll ever know. The xmas lights moment.......I don't think the "old" Dude would've thought to do it even if he was hoping for presents. Helping that boy......that is coming from Dude's heart. </p><p> </p><p>Deep down I know Dude knows you love him with all your heart despite anything that he could ever do. You are the person who has been there for him thru thick and thin and hades on earth. When other parents would have given up, you stuck with him even when he didn't want you to. I don't doubt that words of praise and love from you mean the world to him. And now he also has his own "mentor" re-inforcing what he already knows deep down.</p><p> </p><p>This new insight isn't going to create miracles. Dude is still Dude. But it will help you learn to appreciate the person he is despite his gfgness.</p><p> </p><p>Dude has come such a long way. But he is still learning, stumbling, and growing. Still, that boy's heart is good to the core. And some day I think Dude is going to be one awesome man.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p><p> </p><p>You tell that boy that his auntie Daisy is mighty proud of him.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 328230, member: 84"] Star, it sounds like you've reached the epiphone (sp) I did with Travis. The horrendous abuse by his 5th kid teacher ran it home to me just how excessively hard I was always being on the boy when honestly I didn't mean to be. I'd gotten so caught up in his behaviors and such that I'd basically stopped giving him any praise at all. Heck, I could barely stand to live with the kid. So I began to make deliberate effort to find moments when I could praise him. I took extra pains to remember to say I love you, to give hugs and the like. I went out of my way to spend time with him and make certain he was being included in other family activities. (due to behavior and his autism usually he was outside looking in) I forced myself to stay focused on his good traits, because he really does have an awful lot of them. At the time I didn't care if it improved his behavior or not. Home is someone's safe haven from the rest of the world. It is supposed to be a special place filled with love and acceptance. Parents are meant to love their kids unconditionally. (in my opinion) And because I had been in a constant state of reaction to Travis' behavior.......he'd lost his safe haven, acceptance, and feeling of being loved along the way. Because unfortunately the family had followed my lead and were also simply reacting to his behavior. For Travis it made an enormous difference. Many of the behaviors were still there. (and still are) But his attitude changed. He started smiling again. He tried harder. He wanted to do better for himself and for us. And honestly it made living with him such a much nicer environment. Sure some of Dude's new attitude could be he's wishing for a xmas miracle. (there is that little kid in all of us) But I don't think so. He started his old routine and it didn't work. Mom and Dad have changed. Maybe the blow up opened his eyes a bit to your side of things. (he is growing up) Maybe that visit with bio-dad had more impact on him than you'll ever know. The xmas lights moment.......I don't think the "old" Dude would've thought to do it even if he was hoping for presents. Helping that boy......that is coming from Dude's heart. Deep down I know Dude knows you love him with all your heart despite anything that he could ever do. You are the person who has been there for him thru thick and thin and hades on earth. When other parents would have given up, you stuck with him even when he didn't want you to. I don't doubt that words of praise and love from you mean the world to him. And now he also has his own "mentor" re-inforcing what he already knows deep down. This new insight isn't going to create miracles. Dude is still Dude. But it will help you learn to appreciate the person he is despite his gfgness. Dude has come such a long way. But he is still learning, stumbling, and growing. Still, that boy's heart is good to the core. And some day I think Dude is going to be one awesome man.:happy: You tell that boy that his auntie Daisy is mighty proud of him. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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