I understand your frustration. I don't recall the situation with-the March deadline, so I'll just address the 1st issue. I have an idea. Just to show you what it looks like from the other side, I have a s-i-l, R, with-health issues, and she has opted out of several highly emotional family responsibilities with-no reasons stated. She has problems with-her wrists and gets tired of telling people. But when she just says "no," it sounds like she's being rude. One example was when her father needed help when he lost most of his sight, and a cpls yrs later, had hip surgery, and my other s-i-l called R repeatedly and asked for help. R. said she couldn't. Flat out no. H got mad and called me. R would talk to me but not H. because she was afraid of H's anger. I think she may have been embarrassed by her disability, too, but was afraid to be honest with-H. husband and I live in another state, so flew up a cpl times a yr to help, but certainly not to the extent that H. wanted. R. also couldn't/wouldn't help clean out her father's apt after he died, because of her wrists. But she could have showed up to go through papers, or at least to keep people company ... at least, that's the perspective of H. I think it's important to communicate. In your case, I'd suggest saying "She has health issues," and leave it at that. That way, it's honest and real, but doesn't divulge too much personal info.