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General Parenting
why do children?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 593931" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This one is easy.</p><p></p><p>Kids do not have the maturity we do. Their brains haven't finished developing yet. They are ego-centric because of age and do not have the ability to think in the context you are wanting. Divorced kids feel insecure...they want their parents to stay together and can not understand "we don't love each other anymore" without thinking "then maybe one day they won't love me too." This continues even into the teen years, in which kids are both adults and kids and they are still evolving. If you want to divorce, your kids will not really understand and it will affect them greatly and, yes, they tend to think it is their faults. And get angry too because they love you both and want you together, not with other partners or alone. My grandson, who is five, has seen his mother run off with another man who she is still with and almost a year later tells both of his parents, "I want you to live together again."</p><p></p><p>Boyo is three years old. There is no way he can empathize and rationalize in the way that you want him to. All he knows is t hat his secure world was torn apart. It is about him, not you, and he's not being selfish. He is just being three years old.</p><p></p><p>Actually, parents of difficult children do divorce more frequently and often it is because of the stresses and strains of raising a more differently abled child. Adopting nine kids with special needs...perhaps they believed they had it in them, but that is REALLY pushing anyone's limits.</p><p></p><p>Your kids will most likely understand more when they are adults. Yep, that's at least what I found. You can discuss these conflicting feelings you had with an adult and the adult will understand. A child won't. They are just way too dependent on us as parents. I divorced once too and my kids were older and still very upset.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 593931, member: 1550"] This one is easy. Kids do not have the maturity we do. Their brains haven't finished developing yet. They are ego-centric because of age and do not have the ability to think in the context you are wanting. Divorced kids feel insecure...they want their parents to stay together and can not understand "we don't love each other anymore" without thinking "then maybe one day they won't love me too." This continues even into the teen years, in which kids are both adults and kids and they are still evolving. If you want to divorce, your kids will not really understand and it will affect them greatly and, yes, they tend to think it is their faults. And get angry too because they love you both and want you together, not with other partners or alone. My grandson, who is five, has seen his mother run off with another man who she is still with and almost a year later tells both of his parents, "I want you to live together again." Boyo is three years old. There is no way he can empathize and rationalize in the way that you want him to. All he knows is t hat his secure world was torn apart. It is about him, not you, and he's not being selfish. He is just being three years old. Actually, parents of difficult children do divorce more frequently and often it is because of the stresses and strains of raising a more differently abled child. Adopting nine kids with special needs...perhaps they believed they had it in them, but that is REALLY pushing anyone's limits. Your kids will most likely understand more when they are adults. Yep, that's at least what I found. You can discuss these conflicting feelings you had with an adult and the adult will understand. A child won't. They are just way too dependent on us as parents. I divorced once too and my kids were older and still very upset. [/QUOTE]
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