Why Do difficult children Get So Many Chances?

[AnnieO]

Everyone has such good points... And that's why it drives me so nuts when husband waffles over Onyxx. I mean seriously... No, I didn't get caught for everything I did. But then, I never did anything quite so serious. I remember in 2nd or 3rd grade, I stole a piece of bubble gum from a store. Don't know how Mom found out, but she did. I got a lecture. I got grounded. I got to go to the store, ask for the manager, apologize, return the gum (never got a chance to chew it), and I had to reimburse them too. Mom got a weird look from the manager, but that was it.

I still have trouble even borrowing one of husband's t-shirts without asking. And I do the laundry!

And this is exactly what I am talking about in my other scheduling thread...

 

[Nomad]

Some thoughts....
1-difficult children are not big on accountability. So, they are really good at pulling out the violins and telling their stories. Stories that tug at the heart strings. AND stories that might be embellished. Bottom line....well meaning folks, who are trying to be kind, give them extra chances. Under certain circumstances, this might be at times appropriate. Not so much when it happens repeatedly, when you are being taken advantage of etc. Eventually...hopefully...folks figure this out.
2-It's hard for folks to believe that difficult children just pop out of no where. Must be societies fault (they think). Someone should be to blame (they think). They must have had difficult breaks along the line. Well...maybe...maybe not. That is toooo much for some folks to deal with. So, they give them extra chances to even up/tip the balance the other way. Problem is...that no matter what difficulties we all have...each one of us have to strengthen ourselves to get through them. IT's nice to have support and we should be grateful for the times we have support. However, unless someone is severally handicapped...it should not be excessive and/or indefinite.
3-Many folks are black and white thinkers. It's hard for them to think about another way of looking at this. How does one "grow" self esteem?
Or, is the question...how does one weaken self esteem? Making excuses for bad behavior actually contributes. Making one feel like they are not able to do things for themselves contributes. The opposite things.....are strengthening.....being accountable for behavior and the knowledge that you can get through life's difficulties.....awesome! Not sure repeated chances gets you to that point.
Perhaps better is to accept folks as fellow human beings...think of them in a positive manner...recognize attributes....understand that there is good in all of us. BUT hold them accountable for inappropriate actions. Ask for behavior that does not harm others. Compliment a job well done. Praise/reward outstanding work and for those behaviors that help humanity.