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General Parenting
Why Do difficult children Get So Many Chances?
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<blockquote data-quote="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow" data-source="post: 349965" data-attributes="member: 8405"><p>daughter-difficult child's teacher looked at me like I had three heads when I explained that daughter-difficult child needed NATURAL CONSEQUENCES for her poor choices.</p><p></p><p>Specifically IF daughter-difficult child decided to hide her assignment and had failed to turn in 60% of her project according to the teacher's time table that CLEARLY STATED late work would get zero credit... the HIGHEST grade she should receive for the final completed project would be 40% = F. </p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /> Bug eyed the teacher asked... "YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO FAIL?" </p><p></p><p>*SIGH!* The teacher just didn't get it. </p><p></p><p>I can't say I can blame her. I had worked with MANY children for many years and had never seen behaviors like I observed in daughter-difficult child!!!!!</p><p></p><p>Some kids actually do well with a "second chance." </p><p></p><p>We didn't understand Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) when our difficult child was diagnosed. Most non-medical publications on the condition began being published 2-3 years after our daughter's diagnosis. For us "Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)" was just a term the psychiatrist used to identify the numerous bizarre behaviors of our adopted child. </p><p></p><p>We eventually figured out what worked for our difficult children and what didn't. We had learned that primarily through trial and error. </p><p></p><p>Again and again our daughter was positively reinforced for her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behavior by this poor teacher who <u>just didn't understand</u>. </p><p></p><p>That's the year we began homeschooling. </p><p></p><p>We eliminated the "middle man" from our daughter's triangulization efforts of playing the "poor pitiful victim" to "horrible" us. </p><p></p><p>That is the tangible point where daughter-difficult child actually blossomed!!!!</p><p></p><p>...until the age appropriate act of detaching as a young adult stirred up all her abandonment/attachment ****. </p><p></p><p>That's when she (age 21) exploded.</p><p></p><p>She currently resides in the middle of the comfortable little "triangle" she created to help herself feel in control...</p><p></p><p>She's pretending we're horrible.</p><p>She's playing the victim.</p><p>She's sleeping in her rescuer's (grown up-moved out) child's bed. </p><p></p><p>daughter-difficult child's rescuer is a master manipulator who had confided to me several times over past years that she was eager to have daughter-difficult child as her daughter-in-law. </p><p></p><p>daughter-difficult child's rescuer is yet another one who just doesn't get it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, post: 349965, member: 8405"] daughter-difficult child's teacher looked at me like I had three heads when I explained that daughter-difficult child needed NATURAL CONSEQUENCES for her poor choices. Specifically IF daughter-difficult child decided to hide her assignment and had failed to turn in 60% of her project according to the teacher's time table that CLEARLY STATED late work would get zero credit... the HIGHEST grade she should receive for the final completed project would be 40% = F. :surprise: Bug eyed the teacher asked... "YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO FAIL?" *SIGH!* The teacher just didn't get it. I can't say I can blame her. I had worked with MANY children for many years and had never seen behaviors like I observed in daughter-difficult child!!!!! Some kids actually do well with a "second chance." We didn't understand Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) when our difficult child was diagnosed. Most non-medical publications on the condition began being published 2-3 years after our daughter's diagnosis. For us "Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)" was just a term the psychiatrist used to identify the numerous bizarre behaviors of our adopted child. We eventually figured out what worked for our difficult children and what didn't. We had learned that primarily through trial and error. Again and again our daughter was positively reinforced for her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behavior by this poor teacher who [U]just didn't understand[/U]. That's the year we began homeschooling. We eliminated the "middle man" from our daughter's triangulization efforts of playing the "poor pitiful victim" to "horrible" us. That is the tangible point where daughter-difficult child actually blossomed!!!! ...until the age appropriate act of detaching as a young adult stirred up all her abandonment/attachment ****. That's when she (age 21) exploded. She currently resides in the middle of the comfortable little "triangle" she created to help herself feel in control... She's pretending we're horrible. She's playing the victim. She's sleeping in her rescuer's (grown up-moved out) child's bed. daughter-difficult child's rescuer is a master manipulator who had confided to me several times over past years that she was eager to have daughter-difficult child as her daughter-in-law. daughter-difficult child's rescuer is yet another one who just doesn't get it! [/QUOTE]
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