Why do I let this woman get to me so much?!

[Californiablonde]

Most of you know how overbearing and controlling my mother can be. Don't get me wrong, we are very close and she can be a huge help with my kids, but her telling me how to run my life 24/7 gets to me more days than others. Today is one of those days. She came over to my place this morning after I had left for work to take difficult child to her new school. Normally difficult child will be bused to and from school, but it takes five days from the signing of the IEP to implement transportation. We just had the IEP and signed the papers yesterday. The school is too far for me to drive her myself. I wouldn't be able to take her at a reasonable hour plus drop off easy child at his school on the other side of town. Until the bus service is implemented my mom is going to drive her to school and back. It is a huge help to me, and my mom is really going out of her way to do it.

BUT, this morning after she dropped difficult child off at school, she called me at work to let me know what a terrible mess my apartment is. I just got through coming home after work and cleaning on Friday. I also put up some cute new Thanksgiving decorations. Since Friday my place may have gotten a bit messier, but hardly enough to say anything to me about. If anything, I really expected my mom to compliment me on my new decorations. But nope, instead I get insulted. Then she chastised me for the cats not having any food in their bowl. I just got through putting a whole bunch of dry food in the bowl before I left for work this morning. It's not my fault the cats ate it all in one sitting! Now I'm at work in a bad mood and trying to get out of it. I know I shouldn't let her ruin my day but seriously, I'm at work and the last thing I need is to be insulted. Sometimes I just let it roll off my back and don't let it affect me. Today is just one of those days where it bothers me, I guess. Sorry, I just needed to vent!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Vent away...
Wanna borrow my bottle of duck-back-grease?

 

[Californiablonde]

Lol, Insane, I wish I could like your comment but I don't see that option here anymore? Anyway, I really wanted compliments on my decorating! difficult child just got through telling me over the weekend that according to how my house looks, it looks like I'm lazy and don't do anything. After I just got through cleaning up all of her halloween candy wrappers that she left on the floor! And I put up some really cute thanksgiving stuff. I just want a little bit of credit...sigh.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well I bought some thanksgiving decorations to put up in the office too, so today I got compliments from two people at work. At least now I can feel a little bit appreciated!

 

[Star*]

On those kinds of days....with those kinds of people you should really remember to set your apartment up. (why Star whatever do you mean?)

I would leave "The Shining" in my VCR - If you're lucky enough to have a DVD player then by all means get that on DVD - but leave the case out in the open. (You asked the library for a different movie and that came)

Leave a copy of books like the Necronomicon - or lay a Ouija board next to some other books like - How to get along with your Mother, My Mother My Friend....set those out next to a few black candles, an ash tray and HER picture. ( Light reading to keep up with local gang activity, Halloween decorations you didn't put away and a potential Zen garden idea) Just a foot note on that Necronomicon book. Df was curious about one so I got a copy and brought it home once. Had the worst luck in our home for day....I had him take it out and burn it. To each his own but it made me feel some kinda way. Okay?

Start darning a few socks and leave out your sewing basket but, again leave her picture next to what could be misconstrued as a possible voodoo doll. (merely socks darlin' merely sock sewing)

I mean - there are several ideas you can leave lying around that would have her wondering. Does she "REALLY" want to cross a line with you? I used to clean for a woman that told me she deliberately turned all the crosses on her walls upside down to make the maids think she was evil so if they did a bad job they'd think twice about what she could do to them. Granted that's out of my realm of abilities since I'm not able to nail anyone to a crucifix in my home, but----you get the idea.

My Mom still isn't used to a lot of the practices we have in our home - but she doesn't come to my house and try to rearrange my life either. If she did we'd have a come to Jesus meeting real quick. Yes Mom - I appreciate your help...and either you want to help or you don't. HOWEVER-----the criticizing has got to stop you made me feel horrible and I simply cant allow that to continue because........(and use your own reasons) #1 should always ALWAYS be.......BECAUSE I KNOW YOU LOVE ME and you taught me to stand up for myself and what I believe my entire life ------so here goes. "I........

And if she continues to get under your skin? come here, vent, get chigger rid and go with my above plan......if nothing else you can amuse yourself and get your Mother looking for Father what's his name at the local (makes sign of the cross) church.
Hugs & Love
Star.....E'spiritu Sanctu...E'domina Patri......amen

 

[Californiablonde]

Lmao, Star! As usual, you continue to amuse me with your witty posts. Thanks for the giggles. I really needed those today!

 

[susiestar]

I wonder what her reaction would be if you said, "I left the house that way just for you. I know how much joy you get from criticizing me and telling me how awful everything I do is. I thought this way you wouldn't have to work so hard to find something to criticize and you would get that special joy that the awful things you say to me brings to you. I really appreciate you dropping difficult child off at her new school this week, thanks! Gotta go, work to do. Bye!"

This works esp well if you say this in a cheery wayas though you have given her a gift that you just KNOW she will ADORE! Usually it leaves people somewhat dumbfounded and makes them think about their behavior.

I started using the technique on a few friends who kept trying to convert me to their religion because it was the only religion that you could have to go to heaven. I often offered to do more things that they objected to (like wearing nail polish or makeup or listening to music of any kind, or whatever) to give them more opportunities to pray for my soul as that seemed to give them great pleasure. Most were shocked and rather dumbfounded by my response to their fervent pleas to stop sinning and save my soul.

You mom will either be glad you agreed with her and not understand the implications of what you said, or she will stop and think about the possible consequences of her criticisms. Maybe. Of course the straightforward approach Star suggested is more open and likely to get a direct response, but sometimes the less direct route is helpful.

Just my thoughts, for whatever they are worth.