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General Parenting
Why do they do even worse things when they are in trouble?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 557742" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your grandchild is very seriously disturbed. Of the 3 signs of being a sociopath/psychopath, one is far more serious and indicative of a dangerous person and that one symptom is animal abuse. Animal abuse as a child is a strong indicator of a very dangerous, violent future. You are in way over your head with this, anyone would be. in my opinion you NEED to press charges and insist the court do something with her.</p><p></p><p>She is going to eventually turn from hurting animals to people. It will probably NOT be a long time before that happens. Esp if she is worse and worse when she is in trouble. You need to figure out NOW what you are and are not willing to live with. You may need to give up custody to the state at some point simply so that you can be safe in your own home. </p><p></p><p>I would bet she has reactive attachment disorder rather than just attachment disorder. It is not a very hopeful diagnosis, but you may find ideas by searching online or reading some of the books about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). She will need very intensive therapy to make much progress at all.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Janet that you NEED to press charges for the animal abuse. It is the fastest way to open up doors to get help for her. from this point on, every time she damages somehting in your home, steals, hurts an animal or person, you NEED to press charges. Until they have a clear pattern of behavior, the judge will only give her probation and maybe community service. given her age, you will likely have to be with her at all times as she does that community service. At least that is how it works around here for people under 18. </p><p></p><p>The judge is NOT going to send her to residential for a first offense. It would be very rare for that to happen. I would still push for it, given how disturbed she is. You CAN refuse to have her living in your home. Esp as you probably don't feel safe with her in your home. The system will attempt to force you to take her home anyway, but if you stand your ground and tell them to figure it out and don't offer to take her until they find a placement, then they WILL find a placement. They will try to get you to take her home for a few days, 'until a bed opens up'. if you do take her home? They will stop looking for the bed, regardless of what they tell you.</p><p></p><p>I am sure I sound mean here, and I don't intend to. I just don't see having her live in your home as a safe thing for very much longer. It will be a short hop from stomping on the dog to stomping on a person - likely you. </p><p></p><p>One thing that can be a big help to you is to do a Parent Report. The Parent Report is a document that you create that has ALL of the info on difficult child in one place. The link in my signature at the bottom of the post will take you to a threat about the Parent Report. The outline is there along with other useful info about the report. This report is where you keep all the notes from doctor appts, the records of her life, various ways that you have attempted to help her, etc .....</p><p></p><p>As for how she got the animal control officer to believe her, that is pretty much textbook Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)/difficult child. In general many of our difficult children are able to convince strangers that we are mean, abusive, misguided, don't understand them, etc.... Your camera system will be invaluable if it records because it will give you actual proof that cannot be disputed that she has done what you say she has. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs))))) I am so sorry you needed to find us, but very glad you have joined us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 557742, member: 1233"] Your grandchild is very seriously disturbed. Of the 3 signs of being a sociopath/psychopath, one is far more serious and indicative of a dangerous person and that one symptom is animal abuse. Animal abuse as a child is a strong indicator of a very dangerous, violent future. You are in way over your head with this, anyone would be. in my opinion you NEED to press charges and insist the court do something with her. She is going to eventually turn from hurting animals to people. It will probably NOT be a long time before that happens. Esp if she is worse and worse when she is in trouble. You need to figure out NOW what you are and are not willing to live with. You may need to give up custody to the state at some point simply so that you can be safe in your own home. I would bet she has reactive attachment disorder rather than just attachment disorder. It is not a very hopeful diagnosis, but you may find ideas by searching online or reading some of the books about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). She will need very intensive therapy to make much progress at all. I agree with Janet that you NEED to press charges for the animal abuse. It is the fastest way to open up doors to get help for her. from this point on, every time she damages somehting in your home, steals, hurts an animal or person, you NEED to press charges. Until they have a clear pattern of behavior, the judge will only give her probation and maybe community service. given her age, you will likely have to be with her at all times as she does that community service. At least that is how it works around here for people under 18. The judge is NOT going to send her to residential for a first offense. It would be very rare for that to happen. I would still push for it, given how disturbed she is. You CAN refuse to have her living in your home. Esp as you probably don't feel safe with her in your home. The system will attempt to force you to take her home anyway, but if you stand your ground and tell them to figure it out and don't offer to take her until they find a placement, then they WILL find a placement. They will try to get you to take her home for a few days, 'until a bed opens up'. if you do take her home? They will stop looking for the bed, regardless of what they tell you. I am sure I sound mean here, and I don't intend to. I just don't see having her live in your home as a safe thing for very much longer. It will be a short hop from stomping on the dog to stomping on a person - likely you. One thing that can be a big help to you is to do a Parent Report. The Parent Report is a document that you create that has ALL of the info on difficult child in one place. The link in my signature at the bottom of the post will take you to a threat about the Parent Report. The outline is there along with other useful info about the report. This report is where you keep all the notes from doctor appts, the records of her life, various ways that you have attempted to help her, etc ..... As for how she got the animal control officer to believe her, that is pretty much textbook Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)/difficult child. In general many of our difficult children are able to convince strangers that we are mean, abusive, misguided, don't understand them, etc.... Your camera system will be invaluable if it records because it will give you actual proof that cannot be disputed that she has done what you say she has. (((((hugs))))) I am so sorry you needed to find us, but very glad you have joined us. [/QUOTE]
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