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General Parenting
Why do they do even worse things when they are in trouble?
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<blockquote data-quote="gingersgrl" data-source="post: 557754" data-attributes="member: 15420"><p>I am here because I need tough love from you guys. I know you can see it like I wish I could but can't. I'm too close to it and it's much like I can't see the forest for the tree's so thank you for your honesty. I would so much prefer that than politeness and empathy alone. I need help seeing this like I would see it if it were not me and my kid but someone else and their kid.</p><p></p><p>The first diagnosis when she was 5 or so was both Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I guess I didn't realize there was a difference between attachment disorder and reactive attachment disorder. I told that to the evaluators but they still dismissed it in favor of conduct disorder. I just don't think these people know what they are doing. Yesterday when she was screaming at me that she hadn't left her room and that it was me that started this fight was the first time ever I, at a gut level, got it that I'm probably next. I've known it on an intellectual level since she first hurt Ivy (the dog) but still have been dismissive about my own safety until yesterday. I didn't think she was going to hurt me yesterday but her rage openly directed towards me is amping up lately. She's already as tall as I am at 12. She proudly carries 50 lb bags of dog food all the time so she's strong as well and knows it. I felt it enough last night that when things were calm last night I told her I see her getting more rage directed at me and given her violent tendencies I felt the need to say to her that she'll only go at me once and it will be the last time she'll sleep in my house. I told her if she has the urge she better take into consideration what I was telling her because there would be no second chances. I'm 62 with osteoporosis and that's not going to happen but once if at all. I don't know it was right or wrong to be so direct but that's what I told her and she admitted she's getting more hostile towards me in a more open and direct way. </p><p></p><p>She has hurt a number of the dogs but none as seriously as Ivy. Ivy required 2 surgeries and 4 months in a cast. She will limp the rest of her life. When she went back to Ivy and tried to hurt her back leg when she was out of the cast it was so shocking to me I still can't wrap my head around it. I know if this was a neighbor and her kid I would be appalled that something hasn't been done. I kept hoping something... a miracle of some sort would happen or she would grow up some and realize how awful her behavior has been. I have it in my head that as bad as she is now she'll be even worse if she grows up in the system where she'll end up being housed rather than helped. </p><p></p><p>I need to start writing this all down and the parent list is a great place to start. Sometimes writing it all out helps to see it more clearly and the decisions come less painfully then.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gingersgrl, post: 557754, member: 15420"] I am here because I need tough love from you guys. I know you can see it like I wish I could but can't. I'm too close to it and it's much like I can't see the forest for the tree's so thank you for your honesty. I would so much prefer that than politeness and empathy alone. I need help seeing this like I would see it if it were not me and my kid but someone else and their kid. The first diagnosis when she was 5 or so was both Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I guess I didn't realize there was a difference between attachment disorder and reactive attachment disorder. I told that to the evaluators but they still dismissed it in favor of conduct disorder. I just don't think these people know what they are doing. Yesterday when she was screaming at me that she hadn't left her room and that it was me that started this fight was the first time ever I, at a gut level, got it that I'm probably next. I've known it on an intellectual level since she first hurt Ivy (the dog) but still have been dismissive about my own safety until yesterday. I didn't think she was going to hurt me yesterday but her rage openly directed towards me is amping up lately. She's already as tall as I am at 12. She proudly carries 50 lb bags of dog food all the time so she's strong as well and knows it. I felt it enough last night that when things were calm last night I told her I see her getting more rage directed at me and given her violent tendencies I felt the need to say to her that she'll only go at me once and it will be the last time she'll sleep in my house. I told her if she has the urge she better take into consideration what I was telling her because there would be no second chances. I'm 62 with osteoporosis and that's not going to happen but once if at all. I don't know it was right or wrong to be so direct but that's what I told her and she admitted she's getting more hostile towards me in a more open and direct way. She has hurt a number of the dogs but none as seriously as Ivy. Ivy required 2 surgeries and 4 months in a cast. She will limp the rest of her life. When she went back to Ivy and tried to hurt her back leg when she was out of the cast it was so shocking to me I still can't wrap my head around it. I know if this was a neighbor and her kid I would be appalled that something hasn't been done. I kept hoping something... a miracle of some sort would happen or she would grow up some and realize how awful her behavior has been. I have it in my head that as bad as she is now she'll be even worse if she grows up in the system where she'll end up being housed rather than helped. I need to start writing this all down and the parent list is a great place to start. Sometimes writing it all out helps to see it more clearly and the decisions come less painfully then. [/QUOTE]
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Why do they do even worse things when they are in trouble?
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