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General Parenting
Why do they do even worse things when they are in trouble?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 557756" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Because I adopted a very sick child who killed my dogs and sexually abused my younger adopted kids and was drug exposed as well (he is no longer with us), my advice is even stronger. She won't be impressed if you press charges. in my opinion it won't change her. If she has any fetal alcohol at all PLUS attachment disorder, she will not have much of a conscience and will not learn even from punishment. She will not be that scared of the police either, if she is scared at all. To me she sounds like she still has serious attachment issues. The alcohol she ingested pre-birth can not have helped. Living with you is ruining your life and may turn out dangerous later on if she accelerates to harming neighborhood animals or children. You are legally responsible for her behavior, right? Until she is eighteen? I don't know if she will ever be successful in any sort of home or if mental health treatment can or will help her. In a sense, the person, even a child, has to want to change in order to change. The child has to have remorse for what she does and hate her behavior. Does she have remorse?</p><p></p><p>The child we adopted wanted to continue living with us even though he was not attached. He put on a good "I am attached" too, especially when he wanted a material item. But if we didn't give it to him, he would steal. He lied and blamed horrendous deeds on my younger son who was too afraid of him to stick up for himself. At least you don't have any other children there...but do you feel she may harm neighborhood kids or neighborhood pets? </p><p></p><p>There is, of course, various attachment therapies that you can try. Many are controversial. I had to face something very shocking and sad when we adopted the child that had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I had to admit that love doesn't cure all and that there are actually children who are beyond help at young ages. Maybe your granddaughter is, maybe she is not beyond help. Nobody knows yet. But whether she is or not, she needs a lot more than regular therapy, and if it turns out that you can not save her, it isn't her fault. You weren't the one who drank alcohol and took drugs while she was in her mother's womb. You weren't the one who tossed her from caregiver to caregiver. You tried to help, not harm her. She was at a severe disadvantage by the time you got her.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to advise outright that you find residential treatment for her, but I also, through my own experience, can not advise keeping her in your home. Sadly, we all walk this sad journey alone...we can support you, but the final decision you make is yours. Have you ever been afraid of her? Will you be afraid of her when she is as big as you? Does she threaten other people? If she does, she is dangerous, especially since she has already deliberately harmed a dog that she has already harmed. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that a good person like you is in this position and I totally empathize. I hope you keep posting and let us know what is going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 557756, member: 1550"] Because I adopted a very sick child who killed my dogs and sexually abused my younger adopted kids and was drug exposed as well (he is no longer with us), my advice is even stronger. She won't be impressed if you press charges. in my opinion it won't change her. If she has any fetal alcohol at all PLUS attachment disorder, she will not have much of a conscience and will not learn even from punishment. She will not be that scared of the police either, if she is scared at all. To me she sounds like she still has serious attachment issues. The alcohol she ingested pre-birth can not have helped. Living with you is ruining your life and may turn out dangerous later on if she accelerates to harming neighborhood animals or children. You are legally responsible for her behavior, right? Until she is eighteen? I don't know if she will ever be successful in any sort of home or if mental health treatment can or will help her. In a sense, the person, even a child, has to want to change in order to change. The child has to have remorse for what she does and hate her behavior. Does she have remorse? The child we adopted wanted to continue living with us even though he was not attached. He put on a good "I am attached" too, especially when he wanted a material item. But if we didn't give it to him, he would steal. He lied and blamed horrendous deeds on my younger son who was too afraid of him to stick up for himself. At least you don't have any other children there...but do you feel she may harm neighborhood kids or neighborhood pets? There is, of course, various attachment therapies that you can try. Many are controversial. I had to face something very shocking and sad when we adopted the child that had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I had to admit that love doesn't cure all and that there are actually children who are beyond help at young ages. Maybe your granddaughter is, maybe she is not beyond help. Nobody knows yet. But whether she is or not, she needs a lot more than regular therapy, and if it turns out that you can not save her, it isn't her fault. You weren't the one who drank alcohol and took drugs while she was in her mother's womb. You weren't the one who tossed her from caregiver to caregiver. You tried to help, not harm her. She was at a severe disadvantage by the time you got her. I don't want to advise outright that you find residential treatment for her, but I also, through my own experience, can not advise keeping her in your home. Sadly, we all walk this sad journey alone...we can support you, but the final decision you make is yours. Have you ever been afraid of her? Will you be afraid of her when she is as big as you? Does she threaten other people? If she does, she is dangerous, especially since she has already deliberately harmed a dog that she has already harmed. I am so sorry that a good person like you is in this position and I totally empathize. I hope you keep posting and let us know what is going on. [/QUOTE]
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