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General Parenting
Why do they do even worse things when they are in trouble?
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 557757" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I could be way off base here, but I'd be worried about the diagnosis of conduct disorder replacing the older diagnosis. especially since it was given by a mental health facility where that is what they only do....really focus on only mental health disorders. I'd think from what you have said (but I am obviously not the person to make this call, just an opinion) I'd wonder if it should be viewed more that her conduct problems are a manifestation of the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and Attachment Disorders personally. The problem with only conduct disorder as a diagnosis (not that this is right just how I have experienced people view it) is that the child is viewed more as simply choosing to misbehave period. (Not saying she doesn't make choices, but that the treatment must include the hard realities that she may have a limited ability to do the right things and therefore she may need life long support to keep her and others safe.)</p><p></p><p>Not saying conduct disorder couldn't be a valid thing to say based on her behaviors but I dont know if you want to let people say that it replaces the other diagnoses--just to make sure she gets the appropriate types of help. If Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) was the only other factor that alone could suggest that she could learn a lesson then not remember the lesson over and over for her whole life. Punishment alone wont work. If it means that she for sure would get residential treatment if you press charges and not just that she would go to juvie then it could be worth doing that but if it means going to only a punishment site (and again, if you believe she is disabled in the forms of neurological damage like Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)) then personally I'd be hesitant. I live that same scenario (though my son hasn't hurt an animal but has hurt me. Nothing serious but enough that I know that could be the story some day and he may need out of home placement before my dreams for him want that to happen). Given his disabilities he would need supervision and structure. I actually wish he could just experience a punishment or huge consequence and then turn it all around. That unfortunately is not the case for him, never has worked. In fact as you have experienced, when my son is at a heightened level of stress --including being in trouble-- he often does far far worse. They are unable to access information as their brains are flooded with stress chemicals and the wiring just does not fire correctly. It can be maddening. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, I do agree with what the others are saying, she needs intervention for sure and this is escalating to a dangerous place. The animals should go, I know that is not easy but being put in a situation where their legs can be repeatedly broken seems worse than even going to a shelter. I dont mean that to be rude, I really dont. My son has not always been gentle to our pets, but has never hurt them. So, I have had to think this out myeslf and if he did, yes, that very day they would be gone. I would be heart broken but it would be a done deal. I am tearing up thinking of it but I always have to prep myself for possibilities even if it is remote. Luckily he is quite bonded and uses them for comfort at this point. </p><p></p><p>I really admire that you are examining this so much. If you have time and it is doable...a new overall comprehensive evaluation by someone like a neuropsychologist who understands conditions like Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), conduct disorder, antisocial disorders, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and other kinds of issues could really be something that could give you data for planning for her in the future. It also could help sway a judge or insurance people at some point if you need that. I'm so sorry you are in this spot. I truly understand living with a child who can be so aggressive and have so many melt downs. I hope they give you the intensive support she needs soon. </p><p></p><p>HUGS, Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 557757, member: 12886"] I could be way off base here, but I'd be worried about the diagnosis of conduct disorder replacing the older diagnosis. especially since it was given by a mental health facility where that is what they only do....really focus on only mental health disorders. I'd think from what you have said (but I am obviously not the person to make this call, just an opinion) I'd wonder if it should be viewed more that her conduct problems are a manifestation of the Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and Attachment Disorders personally. The problem with only conduct disorder as a diagnosis (not that this is right just how I have experienced people view it) is that the child is viewed more as simply choosing to misbehave period. (Not saying she doesn't make choices, but that the treatment must include the hard realities that she may have a limited ability to do the right things and therefore she may need life long support to keep her and others safe.) Not saying conduct disorder couldn't be a valid thing to say based on her behaviors but I dont know if you want to let people say that it replaces the other diagnoses--just to make sure she gets the appropriate types of help. If Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) was the only other factor that alone could suggest that she could learn a lesson then not remember the lesson over and over for her whole life. Punishment alone wont work. If it means that she for sure would get residential treatment if you press charges and not just that she would go to juvie then it could be worth doing that but if it means going to only a punishment site (and again, if you believe she is disabled in the forms of neurological damage like Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)) then personally I'd be hesitant. I live that same scenario (though my son hasn't hurt an animal but has hurt me. Nothing serious but enough that I know that could be the story some day and he may need out of home placement before my dreams for him want that to happen). Given his disabilities he would need supervision and structure. I actually wish he could just experience a punishment or huge consequence and then turn it all around. That unfortunately is not the case for him, never has worked. In fact as you have experienced, when my son is at a heightened level of stress --including being in trouble-- he often does far far worse. They are unable to access information as their brains are flooded with stress chemicals and the wiring just does not fire correctly. It can be maddening. Anyway, I do agree with what the others are saying, she needs intervention for sure and this is escalating to a dangerous place. The animals should go, I know that is not easy but being put in a situation where their legs can be repeatedly broken seems worse than even going to a shelter. I dont mean that to be rude, I really dont. My son has not always been gentle to our pets, but has never hurt them. So, I have had to think this out myeslf and if he did, yes, that very day they would be gone. I would be heart broken but it would be a done deal. I am tearing up thinking of it but I always have to prep myself for possibilities even if it is remote. Luckily he is quite bonded and uses them for comfort at this point. I really admire that you are examining this so much. If you have time and it is doable...a new overall comprehensive evaluation by someone like a neuropsychologist who understands conditions like Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), conduct disorder, antisocial disorders, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and other kinds of issues could really be something that could give you data for planning for her in the future. It also could help sway a judge or insurance people at some point if you need that. I'm so sorry you are in this spot. I truly understand living with a child who can be so aggressive and have so many melt downs. I hope they give you the intensive support she needs soon. HUGS, Dee [/QUOTE]
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