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Why Do They.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 118171" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Is it because I wanted them to succeed in life, to eventually marry and have a nice home and kids, to not struggle financially, to be law-abiding people, to be respectful of others (including law enforcement people), to have an education, etc. etc.??? I don't get it, I don't understand. Isn't that what any parent wants for their child?</p><p></p><p>The fourth word in that sentence - "I" and the fifth "Wanted". </p><p></p><p>Then the words we hear the most "BUT OUT OF MY LIFE" </p><p></p><p>The last 2 words of that sentence. </p><p></p><p>Somehow - I wanted and MY life don't meld, merge, understand each other, get along, want to get along, may NEVER get along. </p><p></p><p>The movie playing in YOUR head - is that of a grown adult who has had life experiences to be seasoned, tragedy to know joy when you see it, health and how to appreciate it's value, love and what it is and isn't - and your kids - well....they're kids. They are CLUEless. Totally clueless to what YOU want for them, and what YOU think is good for them or what you KNOW is the right thing for them. </p><p></p><p>And a kid especially a teen looks at a parent who is trying to give anything BUT money (guidance, advice, support, care, love) as a thing of demeaning them when they are (in their minds) Doing this task the way THEIR mind sees it to be correct. </p><p></p><p>Eventually stupidity wears most people out and you figure out that the guidance, advice, support, care and love) are ALL your parent is GOING to give because the money train pulled out LONG ago due to lack of (appreciation, respect, and living the same wants) </p><p></p><p>I say all the time to my son - IF you hate me - then we are done - as I have nothing to give someone who loathes me, but then scampers up to ask for $5.00 to get some soda and candy. So in essence by NOT giving him the money - I force him to either play the game of life and be nice to get what he wants thus praying being nice will become a habit - OR I do not give him money, he stops scampering, manipulating me and stops asking for money. </p><p></p><p>For $5,000.00 you have bought yourself the rights to nothing. </p><p></p><p>If you gave it freely - then there is no reason for you to know anything unless you are told. </p><p></p><p>If you gave it to her as a loan, you should get a document signed that states, how much, when you gave it, when she's to pay it back - and then take her to court if she doesn't. As a signed IOU is legal in small claims court. </p><p></p><p>Don't even ask HOW I know all this. I just do. </p><p></p><p>And as far as reading the detachment guide. You need to do more than just read it - you need an instructor. Whether you get a therapist or use us here to support you...you need help. I say this because I can READ a manual about rocket fuel and propulsion - but it probably isn't going to get me to the moon unless I have a team helping me along the way. </p><p></p><p>Want to really rock her socks? Don't ask a thing about court. Don't ask her anything - pretend like you "forgot" and when she sa;ys "Aren't you even going to ask about MY DAY?</p><p></p><p>Turn to her and go "Oh gosh hon - I totally forgot about your court....thing (and kinda like you don't really want to know) say "Well is there anything I need to do to help?" and if she says "No" then just go (okay) and walk away and busy yourself with something for YOURSELF. If she says "Yes -" then cut her off and say "Well before you tell me, let me preface the conversation here by saying "I have NO MONEY to offer you." - now go on.." and cut her off - level the playing field and BE one step ahead. </p><p></p><p>If you have to cry - leave the room. </p><p>If you start to get emotional just cut the talk short and say "You know what I have something to do - can we talk about this later? THANKS." and leave the room . </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 118171, member: 4964"] Is it because I wanted them to succeed in life, to eventually marry and have a nice home and kids, to not struggle financially, to be law-abiding people, to be respectful of others (including law enforcement people), to have an education, etc. etc.??? I don't get it, I don't understand. Isn't that what any parent wants for their child? The fourth word in that sentence - "I" and the fifth "Wanted". Then the words we hear the most "BUT OUT OF MY LIFE" The last 2 words of that sentence. Somehow - I wanted and MY life don't meld, merge, understand each other, get along, want to get along, may NEVER get along. The movie playing in YOUR head - is that of a grown adult who has had life experiences to be seasoned, tragedy to know joy when you see it, health and how to appreciate it's value, love and what it is and isn't - and your kids - well....they're kids. They are CLUEless. Totally clueless to what YOU want for them, and what YOU think is good for them or what you KNOW is the right thing for them. And a kid especially a teen looks at a parent who is trying to give anything BUT money (guidance, advice, support, care, love) as a thing of demeaning them when they are (in their minds) Doing this task the way THEIR mind sees it to be correct. Eventually stupidity wears most people out and you figure out that the guidance, advice, support, care and love) are ALL your parent is GOING to give because the money train pulled out LONG ago due to lack of (appreciation, respect, and living the same wants) I say all the time to my son - IF you hate me - then we are done - as I have nothing to give someone who loathes me, but then scampers up to ask for $5.00 to get some soda and candy. So in essence by NOT giving him the money - I force him to either play the game of life and be nice to get what he wants thus praying being nice will become a habit - OR I do not give him money, he stops scampering, manipulating me and stops asking for money. For $5,000.00 you have bought yourself the rights to nothing. If you gave it freely - then there is no reason for you to know anything unless you are told. If you gave it to her as a loan, you should get a document signed that states, how much, when you gave it, when she's to pay it back - and then take her to court if she doesn't. As a signed IOU is legal in small claims court. Don't even ask HOW I know all this. I just do. And as far as reading the detachment guide. You need to do more than just read it - you need an instructor. Whether you get a therapist or use us here to support you...you need help. I say this because I can READ a manual about rocket fuel and propulsion - but it probably isn't going to get me to the moon unless I have a team helping me along the way. Want to really rock her socks? Don't ask a thing about court. Don't ask her anything - pretend like you "forgot" and when she sa;ys "Aren't you even going to ask about MY DAY? Turn to her and go "Oh gosh hon - I totally forgot about your court....thing (and kinda like you don't really want to know) say "Well is there anything I need to do to help?" and if she says "No" then just go (okay) and walk away and busy yourself with something for YOURSELF. If she says "Yes -" then cut her off and say "Well before you tell me, let me preface the conversation here by saying "I have NO MONEY to offer you." - now go on.." and cut her off - level the playing field and BE one step ahead. If you have to cry - leave the room. If you start to get emotional just cut the talk short and say "You know what I have something to do - can we talk about this later? THANKS." and leave the room . Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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