Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why the Therapist Thinks it's Mom's Fault...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 250740" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Here's something that's the opposite side of the coin - because I try to keep an open mind in all situations and I think that saying most times the parents are NOT to blame can be lethal to a family healing. </p><p> </p><p>When your child is in crisis - your entire family is in crisis. Not just the child that is misbehaving or having emotional or cognitive behavior. This behaviors affects EVERY SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER right down to the dog. </p><p> </p><p>I'm bringing this to light because when we went to our first meeting with psychiatrists and tdocs I was a single mom, I had just left a bad relationship, I was on my own, no support, and NO idea how to really help my son who was not just acting out - his behaviors were his coping skills towards life. </p><p> </p><p>Had I taken the "It's not me" approach at that time? It would not have helped anyone in my family. To a point? I did. I did not need ONE more person "insulting" me or putting ME down or putting my parenting skills (or rather lack of them) down. I needed to hear - Good job, way to go - gosh you're doing well. But honestly? I wasn't. </p><p> </p><p>The term they used with us was enmeshed. My son and I had come to depend on each other for the feeding frenzy of emotions, we were each other's best friend, we were each others comfort and source of irritation. Had our relationship continued on? Had I not said "You know what? You may be right - I may need some counseling to help me with this?" My son would most likely be in a gang, prison or dead. </p><p> </p><p>I will be interested to read these books and even more interested to research about the people that wrote them, because while they are an interesting read - for some it could be an "out". A newbie could come here and read this and thing - OMG - yes- SEE? Nothing wrong with me, I'm a good parent. So there - and never seek help or be offended by therapists that recommend help. </p><p> </p><p>When I went to therapy the first time for family therapy? I honestly went to prove them wrong. I figured if I went - and spoke, all of those DOUBTERS would be proven wrong. What I found is that I DID need help. I did have issues I needed to deal with from my childhood as an adoptee that I didn't even know I had, from my marriage - and I'm glad I didn't take the stand that I NEED NO HELP -I"M FINE - and assume that it's ALL the kids fault, problem or behaviors. </p><p> </p><p>Even now? I'm learning to deal and how to speak to Dude as a grown teen. With all my knowledge and learning and therapy? I'm still no where near being able to completely shut down, walk away or tune him out - but thanks to therapy I'm really a lot better person and thus a much better parent. </p><p> </p><p>Just wanted to bring that to light - because yes, there are people out there in professional positions that are WAY off base, and have no clue. I've sat with a lot of them - but I also know a lot of therapist who HAVE therapists and never considered that either. lol </p><p> </p><p>I think today - if someone came to me and said "You need XXX based on XXX" I would say - "What do you recommend?" and then I would say "I'll seek out my own therapist, would you please write a brief description in your professional hand of what you feel our problem areas are so I can address these with a professional counselor?" Then I would go - talk and if I had those problems? I'd certainly want to improve myself - if I didn't then I'd get the therapist to write a letter back in his professional hand and end it for once and for all. </p><p> </p><p>Sorry you have to go through this - I remember the days. Just wanted to point out that there are a lot of parents and families out there that could benefit from therapy. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 250740, member: 4964"] Here's something that's the opposite side of the coin - because I try to keep an open mind in all situations and I think that saying most times the parents are NOT to blame can be lethal to a family healing. When your child is in crisis - your entire family is in crisis. Not just the child that is misbehaving or having emotional or cognitive behavior. This behaviors affects EVERY SINGLE FAMILY MEMBER right down to the dog. I'm bringing this to light because when we went to our first meeting with psychiatrists and tdocs I was a single mom, I had just left a bad relationship, I was on my own, no support, and NO idea how to really help my son who was not just acting out - his behaviors were his coping skills towards life. Had I taken the "It's not me" approach at that time? It would not have helped anyone in my family. To a point? I did. I did not need ONE more person "insulting" me or putting ME down or putting my parenting skills (or rather lack of them) down. I needed to hear - Good job, way to go - gosh you're doing well. But honestly? I wasn't. The term they used with us was enmeshed. My son and I had come to depend on each other for the feeding frenzy of emotions, we were each other's best friend, we were each others comfort and source of irritation. Had our relationship continued on? Had I not said "You know what? You may be right - I may need some counseling to help me with this?" My son would most likely be in a gang, prison or dead. I will be interested to read these books and even more interested to research about the people that wrote them, because while they are an interesting read - for some it could be an "out". A newbie could come here and read this and thing - OMG - yes- SEE? Nothing wrong with me, I'm a good parent. So there - and never seek help or be offended by therapists that recommend help. When I went to therapy the first time for family therapy? I honestly went to prove them wrong. I figured if I went - and spoke, all of those DOUBTERS would be proven wrong. What I found is that I DID need help. I did have issues I needed to deal with from my childhood as an adoptee that I didn't even know I had, from my marriage - and I'm glad I didn't take the stand that I NEED NO HELP -I"M FINE - and assume that it's ALL the kids fault, problem or behaviors. Even now? I'm learning to deal and how to speak to Dude as a grown teen. With all my knowledge and learning and therapy? I'm still no where near being able to completely shut down, walk away or tune him out - but thanks to therapy I'm really a lot better person and thus a much better parent. Just wanted to bring that to light - because yes, there are people out there in professional positions that are WAY off base, and have no clue. I've sat with a lot of them - but I also know a lot of therapist who HAVE therapists and never considered that either. lol I think today - if someone came to me and said "You need XXX based on XXX" I would say - "What do you recommend?" and then I would say "I'll seek out my own therapist, would you please write a brief description in your professional hand of what you feel our problem areas are so I can address these with a professional counselor?" Then I would go - talk and if I had those problems? I'd certainly want to improve myself - if I didn't then I'd get the therapist to write a letter back in his professional hand and end it for once and for all. Sorry you have to go through this - I remember the days. Just wanted to point out that there are a lot of parents and families out there that could benefit from therapy. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Why the Therapist Thinks it's Mom's Fault...
Top